The Borowitz Report-Europeans Declare Rubio a Slightly Smaller Asshole Than JD Vance [View all]

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Europeans Declare Rubio a Slightly Smaller Asshole Than JD Vance
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

— (@cdlane.bsky.social) 2026-02-17T12:35:12.388Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/europeans-declare-rubio-a-slightly

MUNICH (The Borowitz Report)—In a joint communiqué issued at the close of the Munich Security Conference, European leaders declared US Secretary of State Marco Rubio a “slightly smaller asshole” than last year’s American speaker, Vice President JD Vance.

“Make no mistake, everyone here thought Marco was a ginormous dick,” French President Emmanuel Macron told reporters. “But JD was still worse.”

According to White House sources, Rubio was “shattered” that he had failed to equal the room-clearing toxicity of Vance’s performance.

“Despite his best efforts, Marco has yet to prove that he is a flaming enough asshole to be Trump’s heir apparent,” one source said. “JD has set the bar very, very high.”