General Discussion

marions ghost

(19,841 posts)

76. You know your own child best

Fri Jan 4, 2013, 12:26 PM

Jan 2013

but speaking theoretically, we are living in times where it may be necessary to clearly define the dangers to young women. How not to be a victim is important for both sexes.

Knowledge is Power they say. You could counter the negative by convincing her that there are a LOT of good guys who abhor this behavior (and Dads like the OP who teach their sons it is wrong). Your strength against it could transfer to her. And she would know that if it DID happen, she would have an ally in you.

In my first year of college, the first day, one of my room-mates was sobbing in her bed --she had just been raped by a student she did not know well. She never reported it. I was a nerd and this was the first time I really had any inkling that smart girls might get raped too. It was a shock.

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Last night I sat my teenage sons down and showed them a picture of this: [View all] trumad Jan 2013 OP

Hopefully more parents will have that same talk. In_The_Wind Jan 2013 #1

The parents who NEED to do this are a huge part of the problem. TheMadMonk Jan 2013 #91

I agree. In_The_Wind Jan 2013 #104

Thank you. Melinda Jan 2013 #2

+1,000... My sentiments, too. Thanks, Trumad. freshwest Jan 2013 #120

been thinking of doing the same Locrian Jan 2013 #3

Mine said they wouldn't do it as well. trumad Jan 2013 #5

The education of boys by other men marions ghost Jan 2013 #49

Her ex bf and his friends MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #36

You highlight another character asset that parents and other mentors must teach... BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #70

Yupper MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #72

That picture makes me ill. progressoid Jan 2013 #4

Language is Very Powerful 4Q2u2 Jan 2013 #6

she didn't drink too much. she was given a date rape drug and kidnapped. yardwork Jan 2013 #16

Even worse 4Q2u2 Jan 2013 #17

Tell 'em it's a LONELY role. TahitiNut Jan 2013 #24

Any boy that stood up may be persecuted by other boys AAO Jan 2013 #52

Sadly, that's not been my experience. TahitiNut Jan 2013 #163

Sorry to have to agree with your comment-- marions ghost Jan 2013 #53

correct Colindy Jan 2013 #169

Welcome to DU Colindy marions ghost Jan 2013 #170

right you are. n/t BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #80

exactly Locrian Jan 2013 #81

to want to raise strong, healthy, balanced boys with character... how would you suggest that as seabeyond Jan 2013 #25

As someone who was once a teenage girl, I can't thank you enough! eShirl Jan 2013 #7

I have an 18 yeard old Daughter. trumad Jan 2013 #8

That's good parenting, trumad... SidDithers Jan 2013 #9

What you've done is a very good thing. Chorophyll Jan 2013 #10

I'd rec this a thousand times if I could loyalkydem Jan 2013 #11

You are an awesome parent. Ilsa Jan 2013 #12

+1000, Thank you for making the world a better place for girls and women. smirkymonkey Jan 2013 #147

As a mother of a boy (and brought up a nephew too )I basically did the same thing lunatica Jan 2013 #13

My boys were disgusted with this story. trumad Jan 2013 #14

Thank you, too, Lunatica! eShirl Jan 2013 #15

I had the "drugs" talk with all of mine and my oldest daughter told me years later that the only Dustlawyer Jan 2013 #18

another great parenting example. Especially good how you explained "signposts" BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #74

Thank you! abelenkpe Jan 2013 #19

Just keep the lines of communication open with your kids. The teaching them how will japple Jan 2013 #142

i am right there with you trumad. i did the same with my 15 and 17 yr old. one i am sending to seabeyond Jan 2013 #20

Probably an excellent idea to show this to teenage daughters too (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #21

why? Whisp Jan 2013 #23

For one thing, to warn about the dangers of "date rape" drugs, Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #38

I don't think I'd show my daughter that vid. Whisp Jan 2013 #43

OK but marions ghost Jan 2013 #59

my gut reaction is 'scare porn' can be more harmful than good. Whisp Jan 2013 #65

You know your own child best marions ghost Jan 2013 #76

I'm with you TexasBushwhacker Jan 2013 #112

I agree. There's certainly nothing wrong with teaching teens Zookeeper Jan 2013 #153

I don't think anyone would suggest that it's the woman's fault when she is slipped a drug and raped. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #78

It's not possible to never leave a drink unattended. She was at the home of friends. yardwork Jan 2013 #121

Friends and relatives are usually more dangerous than strangers. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #123

True, but nobody EXPECTS to be drugged and raped by their own best friends! yardwork Jan 2013 #124

Surely you're not disagreeing that women should be warned about the possibility of "date rape" drugs Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #133

I'm responding to your exact words: yardwork Jan 2013 #135

Perhaps I should have said "if your drink leaves your sight, don't drink it, Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #140

When we're in the houses of close friends, we don't watch our drinks. We just don't. yardwork Jan 2013 #141

it is said so casually all the girls and women are supposed to do to protect themselves. do you seabeyond Jan 2013 #129

Men need to be taught that "no" means "no" and that drunkeness does not equal consent. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #134

i think where the offensiveness comes is the acceptance of all a woman has to do and be seabeyond Jan 2013 #136

I really hate that I have to warn my daughters about this kind of thing. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #139

Shouldn't men also be taught to be on guard against date rape drugs? yardwork Jan 2013 #137

Agreed. (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #138

You make an excellent point. One which applies to a great many of the problems in society today. whopis01 Jan 2013 #149

"Of course women have to be careful who they are around and where they place their drink" Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #150

Girls can be brutal to girls Skelly Jan 2013 #69

I've been wondering about the role of girls in this as well. yardwork Jan 2013 #122

it appears more than she was drugged. and it was a couple friends but one of the boys, matt seabeyond Jan 2013 #125

Apparently, the victim was invited by the girlfriend of a player who Zookeeper Jan 2013 #154

thanks, trumad. We have to teach our kids not to be animals! Whisp Jan 2013 #22

that's pretty revolting. Who's the star of the video? Doctor_J Jan 2013 #26

Yes---most have been ID'd. trumad Jan 2013 #28

he got an academic scholarship to ohio state university. osu is up in arms seabeyond Jan 2013 #30

If the university thinks it is safe for the women on campus with his presence. LiberalFighter Jan 2013 #44

same state as penn i hear. their FB is full of calling out administration. they say getting seabeyond Jan 2013 #47

Ohio University? Jenoch Jan 2013 #108

thanks. i will put the correction. it is state university. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #117

You, my friend, are an awesome parent Jeff In Milwaukee Jan 2013 #27

I'm OK as a parent... trumad Jan 2013 #31

Parenting is the last word in "On The Job Training" Jeff In Milwaukee Jan 2013 #32

K&R Auggie Jan 2013 #29

We know a young lady who that happened to. Remmah2 Jan 2013 #33

That is hardcore MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #34

you know what the real problem is? from a very young age, too young, with social media, seabeyond Jan 2013 #39

All that you just listed MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #45

i have mad respect for the person that doesnt buckle under society seabeyond Jan 2013 #50

I knew from a fairly early age MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #56

i do not see it as selfish, but wise. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #61

HA! MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #71

My kid will be 42 this year lunatica Jan 2013 #57

i remember son was around 8 and i was having to try to explain abortion in an age appropriate manner seabeyond Jan 2013 #63

what you said marions ghost Jan 2013 #60

I have told my kids and all of their friends Jenoch Jan 2013 #111

very good. me, too. and insistences as they come up of peoples lives ruined seabeyond Jan 2013 #118

I started telling my kids that a few years ago when FB was new. Zookeeper Jan 2013 #156

K&R redqueen Jan 2013 #35

Thanks trumad Bake Jan 2013 #37

There's a few other people that are alleged to be involved MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #46

If this had happened even 10 or 15 years ago, it would have been buried under the rug forever. Arugula Latte Jan 2013 #64

+1000. nt raccoon Jan 2013 #161

Thank you for doing that. Jamastiene Jan 2013 #40

The callousness is unreal onlyadream Jan 2013 #41

John Wayne once gave a definition of the word "brave": lastlib Jan 2013 #42

trumad, thank you. Heidi Jan 2013 #48

Thanks. You are not alone in being completely haunted by this. Especially on the tails of the case PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #51

Excellent. I've been considering the same with my almost-14-year-old. Brickbat Jan 2013 #54

I'm sickened by this whole thing gollygee Jan 2013 #55

It's a balancing act. Jenoch Jan 2013 #113

It's official - you're not Mitt Romney LynneSin Jan 2013 #58

The only good that will come from all of this is because of parents like you DonRedwood Jan 2013 #62

I was thinking about this all night too.... mike_c Jan 2013 #66

Awesome! BMing this for when I give my son that talk Taverner Jan 2013 #67

I'll get dissed for saying this but marions ghost Jan 2013 #68

I agree with you. polly7 Jan 2013 #77

yep, it's sociopathic Blue_Roses Jan 2013 #82

murder doesn't seem like a huge leap from here Doctor_J Jan 2013 #84

That whole group peer pressure thing among young men can be highly motivating. raouldukelives Jan 2013 #88

and if a parent addresses this and give the boys tools to handle this, and do their fuckin job seabeyond Jan 2013 #92

Yep, as always, It's all about education. Thinking is underrated. nt raouldukelives Jan 2013 #95

how did they respond? barbtries Jan 2013 #73

You and I aren't too fond of each other but GaYellowDawg Jan 2013 #75

I couldn't get past the picture Blue_Roses Jan 2013 #79

You're a good man. chatcat11 Jan 2013 #83

Good job. CrispyQ Jan 2013 #85

my favorite. my boys have watched. everyone should listen to these MEN. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #87

k&r Liberal_in_LA Jan 2013 #86

You are awesome. rivegauche Jan 2013 #89

Every teenager needs to KNOW what occurred and how to stop it if they are witness,,, benld74 Jan 2013 #90

chillign chilling chilling all the way thru that story. seabeyond Jan 2013 #93

While we're at it, be sure to support Drinksavvy--working to keep girls safe from rape drugs.... Moonwalk Jan 2013 #94

Don't worry. They'll take care of them in prison. What goes around, comes around. Law of balance. judesedit Jan 2013 #96

Can a lswyer possibly be able to wiggle these kids out of this? I pray not. They need to be punished judesedit Jan 2013 #97

You know what? Jenoch Jan 2013 #114

Someone down thread referred to the video as scare porn Politicub Jan 2013 #98

Good job Dad ismnotwasm Jan 2013 #99

At age 17 my son (who is now 33) was watching a video of the tblue37 Jan 2013 #100

husband did the same when he was young with clock w orange, or something. today rape is in so many seabeyond Jan 2013 #119

If there were more parents like you ... REP Jan 2013 #101

You know, it would have only taken one person to either step in rbixby Jan 2013 #102

Thanks, Trumad. We need more great Dads like you. nt DLevine Jan 2013 #103

Thank you for your post Jenoch Jan 2013 #105

Good job! If this isn't a teachable moment and arthritisR_US Jan 2013 #106

The great evil in life is indifference Rex Jan 2013 #107

indifference joelbny Jan 2013 #132

K&R! Fire Walk With Me Jan 2013 #109

I just told my daughter about all of it this morning. She was horrified. PATXgirl Jan 2013 #110

Scream it from the rooftops!!!! This IS NOT OKAY! RetroGamer1971 Jan 2013 #115

Bookmarked! I plan to have the same talk with my son. SunSeeker Jan 2013 #116

. . . and speaking up when something's wrong, even if your friends Lex Jan 2013 #143

Yup-and that is required by the golden rule and his school rules. SunSeeker Jan 2013 #145

k/r very good. limpyhobbler Jan 2013 #126

That must have been a difficult conversation to initiate BainsBane Jan 2013 #127

It was... trumad Jan 2013 #144

I can imagine BainsBane Jan 2013 #146

The problem is redstatebluegirl Jan 2013 #128

thank you trumad Skittles Jan 2013 #130

You are a great Dad. I can't believe these animals are still alive, let alone not elfin Jan 2013 #131

All I had to say to my son Heathen57 Jan 2013 #148

Thank you trumad MuseRider Jan 2013 #151

Well, I got way more involved in this today condoleeza Jan 2013 #152

Thank you NEG Jan 2013 #155

Not a parent, but I teach high school students. Starry Messenger Jan 2013 #157

K&R! Catch2.2 Jan 2013 #158

This is the reason sex education is needed Generic Other Jan 2013 #159

If only more would follow your example DonCoquixote Jan 2013 #160

Kudos to you! Wish more parents would do this. nt raccoon Jan 2013 #162

It was much more than peer pressure. Why Syzygy Jan 2013 #164

You are a wonderful father. A picture is worth a thousand words. As a woman.... Honeycombe8 Jan 2013 #165

My earlier comment . Why Syzygy Jan 2013 #166

I just came across this OP of yours, trumad. radicalliberal Jan 2013 #167

I've had a few Bourbons tonight... trumad Jan 2013 #168

You're a good dad /nt War Horse Jan 2013 #171