General Discussion

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)

136. i think where the offensiveness comes is the acceptance of all a woman has to do and be

Fri Jan 4, 2013, 06:55 PM

Jan 2013

and is expected to do and be, to avoid rape and abuse. when a man says it, and does not allow it to even go into his conscientiousness that women have to contort into pretzels to avoid threat is irritating.

my sons and i were talking about this yesterday. and thru something we were talking about , i said, i walk into a hotel, bathroom or dressing room, i look for cameras. they were like, wtf??? really. wow.

i tell them i walk to my car at night, rape is a consideration. wow, son says.

they at least GET that my life is effected with what man has created that they do not experience.

and i wonder about the easiness we state a girl should watch her drink not even at a party or bar, with expectation.

that leaves a fault on her part.

and yes, i teach my nieces along with my nephews.

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Last night I sat my teenage sons down and showed them a picture of this: [View all] trumad Jan 2013 OP

Hopefully more parents will have that same talk. In_The_Wind Jan 2013 #1

The parents who NEED to do this are a huge part of the problem. TheMadMonk Jan 2013 #91

I agree. In_The_Wind Jan 2013 #104

Thank you. Melinda Jan 2013 #2

+1,000... My sentiments, too. Thanks, Trumad. freshwest Jan 2013 #120

been thinking of doing the same Locrian Jan 2013 #3

Mine said they wouldn't do it as well. trumad Jan 2013 #5

The education of boys by other men marions ghost Jan 2013 #49

Her ex bf and his friends MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #36

You highlight another character asset that parents and other mentors must teach... BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #70

Yupper MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #72

That picture makes me ill. progressoid Jan 2013 #4

Language is Very Powerful 4Q2u2 Jan 2013 #6

she didn't drink too much. she was given a date rape drug and kidnapped. yardwork Jan 2013 #16

Even worse 4Q2u2 Jan 2013 #17

Tell 'em it's a LONELY role. TahitiNut Jan 2013 #24

Any boy that stood up may be persecuted by other boys AAO Jan 2013 #52

Sadly, that's not been my experience. TahitiNut Jan 2013 #163

Sorry to have to agree with your comment-- marions ghost Jan 2013 #53

correct Colindy Jan 2013 #169

Welcome to DU Colindy marions ghost Jan 2013 #170

right you are. n/t BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #80

exactly Locrian Jan 2013 #81

to want to raise strong, healthy, balanced boys with character... how would you suggest that as seabeyond Jan 2013 #25

As someone who was once a teenage girl, I can't thank you enough! eShirl Jan 2013 #7

I have an 18 yeard old Daughter. trumad Jan 2013 #8

That's good parenting, trumad... SidDithers Jan 2013 #9

What you've done is a very good thing. Chorophyll Jan 2013 #10

I'd rec this a thousand times if I could loyalkydem Jan 2013 #11

You are an awesome parent. Ilsa Jan 2013 #12

+1000, Thank you for making the world a better place for girls and women. smirkymonkey Jan 2013 #147

As a mother of a boy (and brought up a nephew too )I basically did the same thing lunatica Jan 2013 #13

My boys were disgusted with this story. trumad Jan 2013 #14

Thank you, too, Lunatica! eShirl Jan 2013 #15

I had the "drugs" talk with all of mine and my oldest daughter told me years later that the only Dustlawyer Jan 2013 #18

another great parenting example. Especially good how you explained "signposts" BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #74

Thank you! abelenkpe Jan 2013 #19

Just keep the lines of communication open with your kids. The teaching them how will japple Jan 2013 #142

i am right there with you trumad. i did the same with my 15 and 17 yr old. one i am sending to seabeyond Jan 2013 #20

Probably an excellent idea to show this to teenage daughters too (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #21

why? Whisp Jan 2013 #23

For one thing, to warn about the dangers of "date rape" drugs, Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #38

I don't think I'd show my daughter that vid. Whisp Jan 2013 #43

OK but marions ghost Jan 2013 #59

my gut reaction is 'scare porn' can be more harmful than good. Whisp Jan 2013 #65

You know your own child best marions ghost Jan 2013 #76

I'm with you TexasBushwhacker Jan 2013 #112

I agree. There's certainly nothing wrong with teaching teens Zookeeper Jan 2013 #153

I don't think anyone would suggest that it's the woman's fault when she is slipped a drug and raped. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #78

It's not possible to never leave a drink unattended. She was at the home of friends. yardwork Jan 2013 #121

Friends and relatives are usually more dangerous than strangers. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #123

True, but nobody EXPECTS to be drugged and raped by their own best friends! yardwork Jan 2013 #124

Surely you're not disagreeing that women should be warned about the possibility of "date rape" drugs Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #133

I'm responding to your exact words: yardwork Jan 2013 #135

Perhaps I should have said "if your drink leaves your sight, don't drink it, Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #140

When we're in the houses of close friends, we don't watch our drinks. We just don't. yardwork Jan 2013 #141

it is said so casually all the girls and women are supposed to do to protect themselves. do you seabeyond Jan 2013 #129

Men need to be taught that "no" means "no" and that drunkeness does not equal consent. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #134

i think where the offensiveness comes is the acceptance of all a woman has to do and be seabeyond Jan 2013 #136

I really hate that I have to warn my daughters about this kind of thing. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #139

Shouldn't men also be taught to be on guard against date rape drugs? yardwork Jan 2013 #137

Agreed. (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #138

You make an excellent point. One which applies to a great many of the problems in society today. whopis01 Jan 2013 #149

"Of course women have to be careful who they are around and where they place their drink" Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #150

Girls can be brutal to girls Skelly Jan 2013 #69

I've been wondering about the role of girls in this as well. yardwork Jan 2013 #122

it appears more than she was drugged. and it was a couple friends but one of the boys, matt seabeyond Jan 2013 #125

Apparently, the victim was invited by the girlfriend of a player who Zookeeper Jan 2013 #154

thanks, trumad. We have to teach our kids not to be animals! Whisp Jan 2013 #22

that's pretty revolting. Who's the star of the video? Doctor_J Jan 2013 #26

Yes---most have been ID'd. trumad Jan 2013 #28

he got an academic scholarship to ohio state university. osu is up in arms seabeyond Jan 2013 #30

If the university thinks it is safe for the women on campus with his presence. LiberalFighter Jan 2013 #44

same state as penn i hear. their FB is full of calling out administration. they say getting seabeyond Jan 2013 #47

Ohio University? Jenoch Jan 2013 #108

thanks. i will put the correction. it is state university. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #117

You, my friend, are an awesome parent Jeff In Milwaukee Jan 2013 #27

I'm OK as a parent... trumad Jan 2013 #31

Parenting is the last word in "On The Job Training" Jeff In Milwaukee Jan 2013 #32

K&R Auggie Jan 2013 #29

We know a young lady who that happened to. Remmah2 Jan 2013 #33

That is hardcore MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #34

you know what the real problem is? from a very young age, too young, with social media, seabeyond Jan 2013 #39

All that you just listed MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #45

i have mad respect for the person that doesnt buckle under society seabeyond Jan 2013 #50

I knew from a fairly early age MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #56

i do not see it as selfish, but wise. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #61

HA! MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #71

My kid will be 42 this year lunatica Jan 2013 #57

i remember son was around 8 and i was having to try to explain abortion in an age appropriate manner seabeyond Jan 2013 #63

what you said marions ghost Jan 2013 #60

I have told my kids and all of their friends Jenoch Jan 2013 #111

very good. me, too. and insistences as they come up of peoples lives ruined seabeyond Jan 2013 #118

I started telling my kids that a few years ago when FB was new. Zookeeper Jan 2013 #156

K&R redqueen Jan 2013 #35

Thanks trumad Bake Jan 2013 #37

There's a few other people that are alleged to be involved MynameisBlarney Jan 2013 #46

If this had happened even 10 or 15 years ago, it would have been buried under the rug forever. Arugula Latte Jan 2013 #64

+1000. nt raccoon Jan 2013 #161

Thank you for doing that. Jamastiene Jan 2013 #40

The callousness is unreal onlyadream Jan 2013 #41

John Wayne once gave a definition of the word "brave": lastlib Jan 2013 #42

trumad, thank you. Heidi Jan 2013 #48

Thanks. You are not alone in being completely haunted by this. Especially on the tails of the case PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #51

Excellent. I've been considering the same with my almost-14-year-old. Brickbat Jan 2013 #54

I'm sickened by this whole thing gollygee Jan 2013 #55

It's a balancing act. Jenoch Jan 2013 #113

It's official - you're not Mitt Romney LynneSin Jan 2013 #58

The only good that will come from all of this is because of parents like you DonRedwood Jan 2013 #62

I was thinking about this all night too.... mike_c Jan 2013 #66

Awesome! BMing this for when I give my son that talk Taverner Jan 2013 #67

I'll get dissed for saying this but marions ghost Jan 2013 #68

I agree with you. polly7 Jan 2013 #77

yep, it's sociopathic Blue_Roses Jan 2013 #82

murder doesn't seem like a huge leap from here Doctor_J Jan 2013 #84

That whole group peer pressure thing among young men can be highly motivating. raouldukelives Jan 2013 #88

and if a parent addresses this and give the boys tools to handle this, and do their fuckin job seabeyond Jan 2013 #92

Yep, as always, It's all about education. Thinking is underrated. nt raouldukelives Jan 2013 #95

how did they respond? barbtries Jan 2013 #73

You and I aren't too fond of each other but GaYellowDawg Jan 2013 #75

I couldn't get past the picture Blue_Roses Jan 2013 #79

You're a good man. chatcat11 Jan 2013 #83

Good job. CrispyQ Jan 2013 #85

my favorite. my boys have watched. everyone should listen to these MEN. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #87

k&r Liberal_in_LA Jan 2013 #86

You are awesome. rivegauche Jan 2013 #89

Every teenager needs to KNOW what occurred and how to stop it if they are witness,,, benld74 Jan 2013 #90

chillign chilling chilling all the way thru that story. seabeyond Jan 2013 #93

While we're at it, be sure to support Drinksavvy--working to keep girls safe from rape drugs.... Moonwalk Jan 2013 #94

Don't worry. They'll take care of them in prison. What goes around, comes around. Law of balance. judesedit Jan 2013 #96

Can a lswyer possibly be able to wiggle these kids out of this? I pray not. They need to be punished judesedit Jan 2013 #97

You know what? Jenoch Jan 2013 #114

Someone down thread referred to the video as scare porn Politicub Jan 2013 #98

Good job Dad ismnotwasm Jan 2013 #99

At age 17 my son (who is now 33) was watching a video of the tblue37 Jan 2013 #100

husband did the same when he was young with clock w orange, or something. today rape is in so many seabeyond Jan 2013 #119

If there were more parents like you ... REP Jan 2013 #101

You know, it would have only taken one person to either step in rbixby Jan 2013 #102

Thanks, Trumad. We need more great Dads like you. nt DLevine Jan 2013 #103

Thank you for your post Jenoch Jan 2013 #105

Good job! If this isn't a teachable moment and arthritisR_US Jan 2013 #106

The great evil in life is indifference Rex Jan 2013 #107

indifference joelbny Jan 2013 #132

K&R! Fire Walk With Me Jan 2013 #109

I just told my daughter about all of it this morning. She was horrified. PATXgirl Jan 2013 #110

Scream it from the rooftops!!!! This IS NOT OKAY! RetroGamer1971 Jan 2013 #115

Bookmarked! I plan to have the same talk with my son. SunSeeker Jan 2013 #116

. . . and speaking up when something's wrong, even if your friends Lex Jan 2013 #143

Yup-and that is required by the golden rule and his school rules. SunSeeker Jan 2013 #145

k/r very good. limpyhobbler Jan 2013 #126

That must have been a difficult conversation to initiate BainsBane Jan 2013 #127

It was... trumad Jan 2013 #144

I can imagine BainsBane Jan 2013 #146

The problem is redstatebluegirl Jan 2013 #128

thank you trumad Skittles Jan 2013 #130

You are a great Dad. I can't believe these animals are still alive, let alone not elfin Jan 2013 #131

All I had to say to my son Heathen57 Jan 2013 #148

Thank you trumad MuseRider Jan 2013 #151

Well, I got way more involved in this today condoleeza Jan 2013 #152

Thank you NEG Jan 2013 #155

Not a parent, but I teach high school students. Starry Messenger Jan 2013 #157

K&R! Catch2.2 Jan 2013 #158

This is the reason sex education is needed Generic Other Jan 2013 #159

If only more would follow your example DonCoquixote Jan 2013 #160

Kudos to you! Wish more parents would do this. nt raccoon Jan 2013 #162

It was much more than peer pressure. Why Syzygy Jan 2013 #164

You are a wonderful father. A picture is worth a thousand words. As a woman.... Honeycombe8 Jan 2013 #165

My earlier comment . Why Syzygy Jan 2013 #166

I just came across this OP of yours, trumad. radicalliberal Jan 2013 #167

I've had a few Bourbons tonight... trumad Jan 2013 #168

You're a good dad /nt War Horse Jan 2013 #171