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[Hekate]

93. You get it. Thanks for that.

Your post brought up the time I needed to stay late at work after Daylight Savings Time ended. It was pitch dark when I left my office, the campus was pretty deserted, and I had to walk a long way to drop off my work at the Admin Bldg. Then another long way to the parking lot. There had been assaults over time (stay in! don't go out!).

Fortunately for my peace of mind the college at that time had a corps of bicycle escorts for these occasions, so I phoned for one and was walked to my car.

Every day of my life from early childhood I was trained to caution, and the messages increased with age. Don't talk to strange men. Don't get in a car with strangers. Go with girlfriends. Be alert for footsteps behind you; cross the street if you hear them. Avoid alleys; walk next to the curb when passing one. If at a bar (go with girlfriends) watch your drink, never set it down. Don't go alone to a man's apartment. Watch what you wear. Lock every door and window. Lock your car doors when driving; lock you car when you park it. Hold your purse close to your body; sling the strap across your chest, never dangle it from your fingers.

The warnings were an undercurrent to my life -- to all our lives as women and girls. I was (we all are) sensitized to news stories about assault and rape. What was she doing "wrong"? Could it have been me? Yes, it could.

When I was about 10 there was a 12-year old girl who disappeared. She got in a car with a stranger. She was raped and strangled. I took this very much to heart -- I don't think it even created a ripple in my brother's consciousness. A couple of decades later I discovered that women in my age group from that area ALL remembered that little girl's name. In our hearts we had all asked: Could it have been me? and heard the answer, Yes, it could. And modified our behavior accordingly.

I am genuinely sorry for the well-intentioned men who are offended by talk of "the patriarchy" and the "culture of rape." It took a long evolution for me to understand it myself, so thoroughly ingrained were the lessons I had been taught.

But I would ask them, were they taught any of this by their parents? Sure, we caution both little boys and little girls, but at a certain point, boys are set free. Both my brothers hitchhiked in their teens, and both have one or two tales to tell, but that didn't stop them -- I would have been insane to have done that.

It goes on for life....