Chinese Zoo Visitors Hit Lions with Snowballs for Fun

[Fumesucker]

38. Reminds me of a poem/song I heard in my childhood

The Lion and Albert
by Stanley Holloway


There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That's noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best, quite a swell
With a stick with an horse's head handle;
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to the ocean;
The waves, they was piddlin' and small.
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded...
'Fact, nothing to laugh at at all!

So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the zoo,
Where they'd lions and tigers and camels
And old ale and sandwiches, too.

There were one great big lion called Wallace;
His nose was all covered with scars.
He lay in a som-no-lent pos-ture
With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about lions
How they was ferocious and wild;
To see Wallace lying so peaceful...
Well, it didn't seem right to the child.

So, straightway, the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with the horse's head handle
And shoved it in Wallace's ear.

You could see that the lion didn't like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with him
And swallered the little lad whole!

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
And didn't know what to do next,
Said, "Mother, yon lion's et Albert!"
And Mother said, "Ee, I am vexed!"

Then Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom -
Quite rightly, when all's said and done -
Complained to the animal keeper
That the lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it.
He said, "Wot a nasty mishap!
Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

The manager had to be sent for;
He came and he said, "Wot's to-do?"
Pa said, "Yon lion's et Albert,
And him in his Sunday clothes, too!"

Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller!
I think it's a shame and a sin
For a lion to go and eat Albert
And after we've paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble;
He took out his purse right away,
Sayin', "How much to settle the matter?"
Pa said, "Wot do you usually pay?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said, "No, someone's got to be summoned!"
So that was decided upon.

Then off they all went to police station
In front of a Magistrate chap;
They told him what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his o-pinion
That no one was really to blame,
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that, Mother got proper blazing:
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she.
"Wot, waste all our lives raisin' children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"