A Confession of a Former Disruptor [View all]

[allGoodThings]

I have been thinking about doing this for quite some time now. Finally today seemed like the right day for it.

I joined DU sometime in early 2004. During the primaries leading to Bush / Kerry race. I heard about this site listening to some AM talk radio show. I don't even remember which one it was anymore - I used to listen to a lot of them. My intention for joining this site at that time was to screw around with all those liberal nuts that were on this site. That was what I thought of all of you back then. I thought I could have a little fun, point out how stupid you all were, maybe even change the views of a person or two.

Well, the views of a person were indeed changed - just not who or how I had planned.

I am not a dumb person. At the time I was surrounded with people who had such a strong view - a strong right-wing view. So much so that it became my view as well. Looking back on it, I am amazed at how much my thinking and my intelligence was overridden by others. I am embarrassed at how easily manipulated I was at the time.

So not being a complete idiot, I didn't just come here at directly attack people or ideas. I posted things that were thought out arguments designed to catch people in traps and make their ideas look foolish. This was fortunate for me because instead of just getting attacked back, or getting tombstoned, what happened was people responded to me with thought out arguments. And they didn't attack me. If they attacked anything it was the ideas I was pushing - but even then (for the most part) it wasn't really an attack - it was a discussion and exploration and an attempt to educate.

I'm not quite sure when it happened but eventually it started getting through to me. It wasn't quite in time for the 2004 election - though almost. And perhaps it was actually that day I went to vote. For the first, and only, time since I started voting I left the presidential slot blank. I remember feeling like I was betraying the people I knew if I voted for Kerry. But I just could not bring myself to vote for Bush.

It wasn't until four years later that I felt I was able to (in part at least) redeem myself and proudly vote for Obama.

So, what is the point of this? This is my confession and attempt to ask for forgiveness. I came to this community with bad intent. I came as a disruptor. But something here changed me and it has been for the better. I now know that what I believe in are the ideas that are truly important to me. I don't belong to a single-minded group. I belong to a community filled with ideas and ideals.

So this is actually my confession, my ask for forgiveness, and my thank you letter to everyone here.

Obviously this is not my normal account. I am not quite brave enough to let everyone know who I really am, so I created this account today for this purpose. There are those of you out there who know who I am (or will likely figure it out). I just want to avoid those who would hold this against me and continually attack me for it (I have seen it happen with others - and I should know just how single-minded those attempting to disrupt can be).

I must say I miss the old tombstones - whenever I would read the "Here lies a disruptor. He disrupted poorly." I would laugh to (at?) myself and think - that's exactly what I did. I disrupted poorly. Lucky for me.

-edit to include-
I still use the account that I started when I first came to DU. I was never tombstoned, or PPR'd or any other such punishment. And I still use that account today. And I would rather not have everyone know of my past - that is why I posted this under a new account that I created for this purpose only.