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Warpy

(114,617 posts)

106. The line my wise mother used was "Never let a picture be taken

Fri Jan 25, 2013, 07:20 PM

Jan 2013

that you wouldn't want on the front page of the newspaper because that's exactly where it will show up eventually."

My ex had a porno photo of one of his old girlfriends as his prized possession. Two things were in her favor, she'd been smart enough to drape her hair across her face and it was a Polaroid (remember those) and has probably faded to the point you can no longer see what it used to be. That photo was shown as a trophy for many years.

Nudie photos last forever and will be circulated widely, even if the ex isn't tacky and hateful enough to post them on a revenge site. This is a real problem since we're still dealing with a double standard and societal slut shaming. Women have been fired from their jobs for a lot less.

I hate that it has to be this way, but if he wants a sexy photo to keep with him at all times, do a Glamor Shot with clothes on, even if those clothes are trimmed in maribou. This is one area where it doesn't pay to trust any man, ever.

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Women try to get recourse for revenge porn photo posts [View all] cbdo2007 Jan 2013 OP

Do not take photos or videos of yourself in sexual situations, and do not MineralMan Jan 2013 #1

There are times... haikugal Jan 2013 #2

Unfortunately true. enlightenment Jan 2013 #3

This is a classic example that what is legal and what is moral and ethical Last Stand Jan 2013 #88

Totally true, Last Stand. I shudder to think of the people allowing these photos of themselves, Nay Jan 2013 #188

male bonding. he can even like the girl, and it is all about male bonding. when a fellow male says seabeyond Jan 2013 #190

"the best picture is the one we hold in memory" gulliver Jan 2013 #183

If a person takes a picture themselves and email it or transfer it via cellphone, the bluestate10 Jan 2013 #225

we are talking about the creep, bottomfeeder that has so little character that they would actually seabeyond Jan 2013 #227

Same logic as 'Don't get too drunk, or you will eventually get raped.' redqueen Jan 2013 #6

Exactly! I notice that female victims are always the ones being shamed. yardwork Jan 2013 #10

Men who are raped or sexually abused suffer tremendous shame Last Stand Jan 2013 #107

Thank you for posting this. thucythucy Jan 2013 #117

I would've given Anthony Weiner the same advice. nt Xipe Totec Jan 2013 #179

I didn't realize that Anthony Weiner was raped. Link? yardwork Jan 2013 #209

Cute. Xipe Totec Jan 2013 #215

I'm not assessing blame. Just explaining reality. MineralMan Jan 2013 #12

That is exactly the same logic, though. redqueen Jan 2013 #15

Well, I think I'll keep following my policy of not allowing such MineralMan Jan 2013 #17

but please also realize that when you offer such very obvious advice, that it's contributing to the bettyellen Jan 2013 #102

Thanks. Good post. nt redqueen Jan 2013 #172

I've been thinking about what you wrote since I read it last night. MineralMan Jan 2013 #189

I do understand your intent, but you seem totally unwilling to consider how your voice is part of a bettyellen Jan 2013 #194

Common sense Aerows Jan 2013 #171

I agree. HappyMe Jan 2013 #175

on another thread, i would be all over the, dont give nude pictures, dont do a tirade on boss, ect.. seabeyond Jan 2013 #180

Nope its very different logic. A girl in a burka can be raped the same as a girl in a mini skirt. Exultant Democracy Jan 2013 #216

yes. i would like to hear what a vile piece of shit would do this. and what a vile piece of shit seabeyond Jan 2013 #19

Terrible analogy. Not the same logic at all. DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #37

so interesting how you men shift the blame from the bottomfeeders onto the women. so convenient. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #44

Really. October Jan 2013 #53

THIS is what creates our rape culture. and every man defending a mans right to go against a womans seabeyond Jan 2013 #55

I'm not shifting the blame to anyone. You are. DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #90

wrong. in every way, wrong. the woman consented to have a private moment with a man. the vile creep seabeyond Jan 2013 #92

wrong. in every way, wrong. DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #148

hey, if you cant prove your statement is correct, then just admit it. no need seabeyond Jan 2013 #149

Google it yourself. You'll find hundreds of pictures of men if you look. DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #150

first, no one said no women post pictures willingly. second, no one said men did not have naked seabeyond Jan 2013 #151

Still arguing with the strawman you created I see. DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #157

this is an OP about men with a site created by men, company owned by men. so when i talk about men, seabeyond Jan 2013 #159

If you don't like the discussion taking place, don't insert yourself into! DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #162

no. what you did was derail the argument. took it from the issue to nullify it with what about the seabeyond Jan 2013 #165

Post removed Post removed Jan 2013 #185

you didnt have a discussion about rape. your argument was "it happens to the menz, too". nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #186

there are hundreds of pics of men, that they happily post themselves. bettyellen Jan 2013 #152

I never claimed there was. DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #158

Great. THIS THREAD is not about those pictures. MadrasT Jan 2013 #184

This thread will go in whatever direction people take it, like every single thread. DesMoinesDem Jan 2013 #187

madras, quit being a nag, and i will try to quit being a sexist pig.... seabeyond Jan 2013 #191

A person can consent to a picture being taken but not to it being shared. If you didn't consent to uppityperson Jan 2013 #222

Not remotely the same logic... truebrit71 Jan 2013 #41

Placing the blame does not undo the damage Leslie Valley Jan 2013 #43

Placing the blame where it belongs means victims are less likely to be too ashamed to come forward redqueen Jan 2013 #45

Good luck with that. Bake Jan 2013 #108

No I disagree because Drale Jan 2013 #54

Women can be raped by their significant others. redqueen Jan 2013 #63

Thank you. Spousal/significant other/prior sexual partner rape happens and is rape also. uppityperson Jan 2013 #223

right on! ++++++++++ Whisp Jan 2013 #121

It is very disappointing, but hardly surprising. Women are always to be blamed. Always. redqueen Jan 2013 #174

Told my kids that back when it was just home videos that were getting out there! Hekate Jan 2013 #7

Or ... don't date assholes. Bok_Tukalo Jan 2013 #13

Sometimes you don't know someone's an asshole MineralMan Jan 2013 #14

I disagree about knowing Bok_Tukalo Jan 2013 #16

you'd be shocked at how some people can turn asshole years later...it often doesn't manifest itself bettyellen Jan 2013 #23

How in the world does someone get their way for years? Bok_Tukalo Jan 2013 #27

in relationships? it happens. some women are socially conditioned to "smooth things over" and bettyellen Jan 2013 #33

^^ This. One of my friends married a guy like this. Her family had fed her winter is coming Jan 2013 #48

two of my closest friends. really strong, opinionated gals... were just completely "taken" bettyellen Jan 2013 #64

Books, TV, and movies constantly peddle unrealistic and fucked-up relationships winter is coming Jan 2013 #65

Well put. I find it telling that most romantic comedies stop at the point coalition_unwilling Jan 2013 #164

You'd be wrong on that... haikugal Jan 2013 #93

I disagree. If a person pays attention to conduct, a second person's true character will shine bluestate10 Jan 2013 #226

It may be the 'rule' ismnotwasm Jan 2013 #20

Revenge photos get posted of both men and women. MineralMan Jan 2013 #22

Oh I'm aware ismnotwasm Jan 2013 #24

Yes, I think such lawsuits should result in hefty awards to the MineralMan Jan 2013 #26

Me too ismnotwasm Jan 2013 #28

So you're OK with this behavior and think the responsibility lies solely on the person photographed? Gormy Cuss Jan 2013 #98

You also haveno MineralMan Jan 2013 #125

What if you had a wardrobe malfunction at the beach Gormy Cuss Jan 2013 #135

I agree with you. At no point did I say anything else. MineralMan Jan 2013 #192

No need to generalize.....just be sure to erase it soon afterward. cbdo2007 Jan 2013 #39

corollary: if your boyfriend asks you for "nude pix", dump him 0rganism Jan 2013 #40

+1000 smirkymonkey Jan 2013 #143

The line my wise mother used was "Never let a picture be taken Warpy Jan 2013 #106

Agreed, sad to say...n/t whathehell Jan 2013 #128

Agree totally. Just don't do it, whether you are a man or a woman. Applies also to drunk Nay Jan 2013 #193

+10 n/t whathehell Jan 2013 #126

Probably the best comment on this thread bluestater1966fgs Jan 2013 #133

Generally speaking ellisonz Jan 2013 #138

I don't care how in love with someone I am. I will NEVER EVER send them smirkymonkey Jan 2013 #139

Exactly Aerows Jan 2013 #168

I'm baffled by this... KansDem Jan 2013 #4

probably sent to a lover who then posted pix AFTER the break up. KittyWampus Jan 2013 #5

That makes sense... KansDem Jan 2013 #8

This seems to me to be a form of virtual assault. KittyWampus Jan 2013 #9

It is a racket. They make money off the pieces of shit who want to look at them, redqueen Jan 2013 #18

The solution is: don't take those pictures, don't let your boyfriend take them. Spider Jerusalem Jan 2013 #11

cause god knows, we do not want to call all the men participating a vile piece of shit. seabeyond Jan 2013 #21

It's not about assigning blame Spider Jerusalem Jan 2013 #25

my husband opined not long ago, how he would really like a picture..... seabeyond Jan 2013 #29

If u give someone a picture, do they not own it? joeglow3 Jan 2013 #31

I don't think they have that much leeway. For private viewing only. LiberalFighter Jan 2013 #76

It can be legally published. RC Jan 2013 #109

and all the men that do this and use the sites are vile creepy bottomfeeders. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #114

Uh...This Happens to Men As Well Yavin4 Jan 2013 #34

omg... you use favre, sexually harassing a woman that had NO desire to see his penis as an example seabeyond Jan 2013 #35

I used Favre as an example of how nude photos get leaked on the internet Yavin4 Jan 2013 #56

link me to the site, run by women, asking for pictures of revenge of naked men. and then co. of seabeyond Jan 2013 #36

I cannot find such a site right now because I am at work. Yavin4 Jan 2013 #60

That's a band-aid rather than a solution. LanternWaste Jan 2013 #66

Curious, how do you stop someone from taking a photo of you? Have you ever tried? Duer 157099 Jan 2013 #202

"walk of shame" site out of UK i believe. a one nighter. take a picture while she is asleep, seabeyond Jan 2013 #203

You can't stop a person from taking a photo. But you can ensure that the photo is not bluestate10 Jan 2013 #229

that would be in a dressing room, or bathroom, maybe hotel room? or your own bedroom, seabeyond Jan 2013 #230

Decent people destroy such things after a split. MineralMan Jan 2013 #30

yes. decent people. you are right on. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #32

Absolutely... haikugal Jan 2013 #96

Thank you for being a decent person. smirkymonkey Jan 2013 #144

Our most respected actresses get naked and win Academy Awards banned from Kos Jan 2013 #38

Ok, that was just very bad. polly7 Jan 2013 #42

then you condone a creep putting a womans naked picture on the net, when she says no? nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #46

Post removed Post removed Jan 2013 #50

so you condone a creep putting a womans picture on the net against her will? disgusting seabeyond Jan 2013 #51

The point is, actors/actresses consent to it; these women did NOT. October Jan 2013 #57

So it is merely a legal issue? OK. banned from Kos Jan 2013 #59

bullshit. with legal or illegal it is WRONG. why is that concept beyond you. i have to wonder seabeyond Jan 2013 #61

"Consent" encompasses the ethical and the moral, as well as the legal. LanternWaste Jan 2013 #70

Actors make choices involving many aspects, including money for sure. Key word is Choice. Bluenorthwest Jan 2013 #103

You consider "consent" to be "merely a legal issue" gollygee Jan 2013 #156

it is telling, also. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #160

You see no moral or ethical issues with it? OK, thanks for letting us know. uppityperson Jan 2013 #224

Those actresses made those movies by choice. Throd Jan 2013 #58

So, it's OK if some asshole posts photos of his ex? MineralMan Jan 2013 #62

I feel slimy just reading this post. nt msanthrope Jan 2013 #67

Our most respected actors (not actresses anymore) choose to LanternWaste Jan 2013 #68

sweet Lord almighty dsc Jan 2013 #71

Here is an article that lays it all out about the Nude Best Actress Myth. Bluenorthwest Jan 2013 #104

Anyone have the jury results on this? nt geek tragedy Jan 2013 #73

here seabeyond Jan 2013 #82

and here. and yes, i alerted. i am disgusted that anyone would pretend this is ok. it tells me seabeyond Jan 2013 #84

Christ, is it the same two idiots making the arguments #4 and #6 are making in every jury? nt geek tragedy Jan 2013 #85

If an actress uses her own body for a nude scene, which they often don't Lone_Star_Dem Jan 2013 #97

What the fuck is wrong with you? Brickbat Jan 2013 #101

Because another woman consents to being naked on film shown to the public, I no longer have Squinch Jan 2013 #111

that would be the effects of pornification of our women and girls today. we are all.... seabeyond Jan 2013 #116

That post is proof that those effects are real. And it's showing up HERE!! That's so disturbing. Squinch Jan 2013 #119

yes. it is disturbing. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #127

it seems you have trouble connecting the dots Angry Dragon Jan 2013 #115

WTF? Marrah_G Jan 2013 #124

there aren't enough 'oiys' in the world to respond to this nonsense. n/t Whisp Jan 2013 #131

This message was self-deleted by its author undeterred Jan 2013 #163

This poster is now part of the tombstone express. nt Javaman Jan 2013 #231

I'm a man, and I think you are dead wrong, period. MicaelS Jan 2013 #232

wow...what a way to be a dick! Taverner Jan 2013 #47

Well, that's an asshole move. HappyMe Jan 2013 #49

An awful one I shall not name looks to be permanently down, nuked at the registrar Recursion Jan 2013 #52

It is a jerk move, but it shouldn't be illegal. Kurska Jan 2013 #69

According to what fucked-up logic? nt geek tragedy Jan 2013 #72

If you allows someone to take your picture, then they can do whatever they want with it. Kurska Jan 2013 #74

Your legal understanding is exactly wrong. geek tragedy Jan 2013 #75

On edit: Only sources I can find agree with my initial assessment. Kurska Jan 2013 #77

On further research, the website is also protected under section 230 of the Communications Decency Kurska Jan 2013 #79

this kind of thing is also a state law matter. geek tragedy Jan 2013 #80

Or foreign laws, nothing is keeping a website like this from registering in another country. n/t Kurska Jan 2013 #81

Presumably, the ex-boyfriends live in the US. nt geek tragedy Jan 2013 #83

Aren't they suing the website though? That is what this story is about. Kurska Jan 2013 #87

Except... Dr. Strange Jan 2013 #100

That would very much be illegal, but I believe that is a different website. Kurska Jan 2013 #110

You sure like to twist words around. RC Jan 2013 #113

I don't disagree with you. geek tragedy Jan 2013 #123

Victims should start their own site and post photos, names, addresses, phone #'s, of these assholes MotherPetrie Jan 2013 #78

that is a good idea. i am also thinking there is something to this. i think i recently read seabeyond Jan 2013 #86

Sounds like a job for... Dr. Strange Jan 2013 #99

Pictures/videos can be great for reliving encounters beevamp Jan 2013 #89

I don't see what is wrong with taking hot pics of your adventures. seabeyond Jan 2013 #91

Ladies, ladies ladies. Grow up. You tell, they show. Good lord, girls, get a grip. libdem4life Jan 2013 #94

again, the ladies and girls problem. the men, meh, just being a man. hey men.... does that seabeyond Jan 2013 #95

Unfortunately, from those with little EQ or IQ, it doesn't really matter. Sorry to say. libdem4life Jan 2013 #105

DO NOT TAKE NAKED PICS OF YOURSELF. DO NOT TAKE SWTORFanatic Jan 2013 #112

And many do not care if the pictures get around Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #153

Your last point is of course true, but more of a long term solution. I hope it does SWTORFanatic Jan 2013 #155

you understand that men get these pictures and then tear the women up. they ridicule, make seabeyond Jan 2013 #161

I do. SOME men are mean and hateful Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #199

we can make laws that will catch up with the net. have a penalty and watch these cowards back off. seabeyond Jan 2013 #200

How are you going to prove anything? Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #211

so then really, lets not bother with rape laws. your honor, he rape me. your honor, nope. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #212

As you know that is sometimes a problem with those cases Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #217

i think it is far less tricky. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #218

Naked photos are fun. Codeine Jan 2013 #166

excellent post and i agree totally. thanks. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #169

No, they aren't. I don't trust anyone with them, not even my wife of 9 years. SWTORFanatic Jan 2013 #173

Well said. nt redqueen Jan 2013 #176

The over-riding message of the responses on this thread is Squinch Jan 2013 #118

and in those arguments i pointed out the contradiction that men wanted it both ways. women get the seabeyond Jan 2013 #129

what a shitty thing to do. those guys are weiner morans. n/t Whisp Jan 2013 #120

I believe there's a law that any site that hosts adult content must be 2257 compliant. Meaning DogPawsBiscuitsNGrav Jan 2013 #122

2257 applies only to the producer, and exempts user-generated content. Xithras Jan 2013 #136

Thanks for clearing that up. Hm, what about the person who uploaded the video? Is that also included DogPawsBiscuitsNGrav Jan 2013 #137

The person who uploads is considered a "secondary producer" and is required to be 2257 compliant Xithras Jan 2013 #140

good info xithras. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #141

That's exactly where I was going with the 2257 compliance stuff. There are ways people can fight DogPawsBiscuitsNGrav Jan 2013 #142

Sadly, you missed one very important line in my post... Xithras Jan 2013 #154

Bad breakups + intimate photos + Internet = Disaster Odin2005 Jan 2013 #130

Good Lord Almighty Wednesdays Jan 2013 #132

The fault would be 100 percent on the guy who violated that trust. Period. seabeyond Jan 2013 #134

This. Codeine Jan 2013 #167

you and i are totally on the same page. it isnt so tough. i posted above seabeyond Jan 2013 #170

Thank YOU! smirkymonkey Jan 2013 #145

Indeed, I wonder why the outrage flies out the window regarding the photos. alp227 Jan 2013 #147

"Why can't it be a crime to distribute private photos w/o consent if it's a crime to have sex w/o redqueen Jan 2013 #178

It's great isn't it? redqueen Jan 2013 #177

Obviously posting someone's picture without their permission is wrong Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #146

No, it is not about a "hang-up we have with nudity and sex". redqueen Jan 2013 #181

thank you redq, i just didnt want to get all into this one. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #182

I was quite clear that I believe this is wrong. Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #195

I agree that women being shamed for their sexuality, no matter what it is, is a problem. redqueen Jan 2013 #197

But don't we now? (Discussion, not challenge) Demo_Chris Jan 2013 #204

Dailymail version of the story... PoliticAverse Jan 2013 #196

wow. all that, but the height of the bottomfeeder is a grown man thinking he could walk up to a seabeyond Jan 2013 #198

San Francisco Chronicle version of the story... PoliticAverse Jan 2013 #201

"you're a prude" hmmm, where it do we hear men attacking womens sexuality to get their way? seabeyond Jan 2013 #205

Peer pressure is the more trivial and least helpful part of the article compared with this reporting proverbialwisdom Jan 2013 #219

ya. i replied to that on the post above. says a lot about a creep that would go to a woman, to her seabeyond Jan 2013 #220

Women would be so much better off if they never SoCalDem Jan 2013 #206

Even though I am a male I am thankful I had my "wild period" before there was retread Jan 2013 #207

me TOO!. lol. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #208

Consenting adults should be able to see other CONSENTING ADULTS nude or having sex on the internet. Warren DeMontague Jan 2013 #210

Like online dating, I just don't understand this at all. Sen. Walter Sobchak Jan 2013 #213

Re: Women try to get recourse for revenge porn photo posts arudnev Jan 2013 #214

Related: NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams on webcam abuses proverbialwisdom Jan 2013 #221

well, we better figure out a way to blame the women and girls, quick, and let these creeps/criminals seabeyond Jan 2013 #228