My problem isn't self-identifying as a feminist in front of men, it's women

[gollygee]

37. I appreciate men who are advocates of women's rights

and I don't personally own the word "feminist" and there will always be disagreement about its use. At least most men who use the word for themselves seem to me to be supportive and have good intentions.

However, to me, calling a man who is an ally to feminism a feminist is like calling a straight person who is an ally to the gay rights movement gay. Feminism is a women's movement, so it really is all about women, and we are the ones who decide what feminism is about and should be concerned about, and even about how the word should be defined. We will disagree, and that's fine, and I'll never personally own the word. But I do think that it's all about women. That's the point of it.

I remember the other thread about this where one male DUer told another male DUer, "But we haven't even defined what feminism is yet." That's the kind of thing that gets to me. WE, as in women, define what feminism is. And again, we will disagree, but it's still our disagreement.

Also (on edit) I don't understand why men who support feminism feel so strongly that they should be called feminists. I don't understand why they wouldn't say, "Ok, well I'll support your movement in whatever way works best" and go with it. I am not bothered by men who call themselves feminists - I'd never say anything to you in public if I heard you call yourself that despite my disagreement with the word being used that way - but I don't get the arguing over the ability to use that word.