I was raised by racists, and then one day it just went away

[Amimnoch]

53. My story is almost the exact opposite, I was in my 20's before I realized I was racist.

Born in 1971, I was the child of parents who were part of the flower power movement of the 60's. I was raised to believe that all people deserve dignity, respect, and to be greeted with no pre-conceived notions based on the way they look, but purely by the way they conduct themselves.

At 17 or even 25, if I'd been told I was a racist, I would have vehemently refuted the claim, and taken the accusation as a grievous insult to my character and person.

Then, I'd met the love of my life, the man who would be my husband. Early on in our relationship, he'd accused me of being a racist, and it became the biggest argument we've had in our 17 years together. To me, it seemed impossible that I could be racist. Growing up, my friends composed of a very diverse group. My personal relationships by that point had covered just about the full spectrum of cultures and races out there. Heck, whenever I'd engaged any person who was a minority I made it a definite point not to have any pre-conceived notions, and to give extra consideration to their own culture, and background... and it turns out, that's where he had me.

I still remember exactly where the argument started. It was 1997, and we were at home, laying next to each other, and watching an episode of Designing Women. It was the episode where John Carter's son wanted to go to a school dance with Mary Jo's daughter. Mary Jo was fine with it, but the father was not. Towards the end of the episode John Carter gave a speech, where he stated "everyone's a racist, the question is, what are you going to do about it?". I thought that was a very silly statement. Everyone isn't racist.

After much heated debate with my husband, he finally proved that I was. The very fact that I make it a point not to have pre-conceived notions, means that I do. The very fact that I will modify my behavior and treatment of people, even if it's to give greater acceptance, or to give a greater level of understanding, doesn't exclude me from the title "racist", it reinforces it. Sure, it's different than what is generally considered to be racist, but it doesn't make me excluded.

To this day I still think that's one of the most profound quotes of all time. "everyone is a racist, the question is, what are you going to do about it?"