For some of us, there's no escape from the Vietnam War

[Victor_c3]

86. One of your statements really summarizes quite well my feelings about my service

"It was completely unrelated to service America"

I was willing to serve our country and to protect our freedom and all that good stuff, but my service in Iraq was totally unrelated to any of that. Had the war in Iraq and my experiences been somehow related to actually protecting ourselves or protecting our freedom or even providing freedom and opportunity to the people of Iraq I might actually have an easier time dealing with my memories of the war.

I always feel uncomfortable when people thank me for my service. I never know what to say or how to react. If most people knew what I did or what the wars in the Middle East were really like, I doubt they'd be thanking me for my service and what I did over there.

So much of what I did in Iraq was senseless. The way we reacted and the way we dealt with things weren't about anything other than just protecting ourselves long enough to get home. When you are hit by an IED and your first reflex is to shoot everything around you, you aren't exactly projecting the image of fighting for Iraq and its people. It is more of you fighting against Iraq and its people. As was the culture promulgated within the Army and my unit at the time, never once did I treat the people of Iraq with any semblance of reverence. I did what I had to do in order to make it through the day and to make it to the end of my deployment. With an attitude like this, no wonder we weren't able to accomplish anything constructive in Iraq. The army sure did a great job killing and maiming plenty of Iraqis, but our "successes" stopped there. I never knew anyone who received a military award because they did a kick-ass job building a school or overseeing an infrastructure improvement.

I constantly wish that I could do over again my deployment to Iraq. I was a 24 year old Infantry Platoon Leader and, in hindsight, I was anything but a real leader. I did what I was told to do with complete callousness. I received a stellar officer evaluation report based on my ability to react violently. The truth is "leading" in combat is too easy to do. Leading and demanding restraint when appropriate isn't easy to do and I failed miserably at that.

I can't speak intelligently for anything relating to Vietnam, but I suspect that a similar attitude may have been in place (i.e. force protection > people of Vietnam) during that war.

I volunteered for my military service and, even though I had no idea what I was getting myself into, I did it to myself. I often hate to even compare my experiences to those of veterans like you who were drafted and forced into a war. I don't mean to cheapen anything that you guys experienced.

Anyways, this is starting to turn into a rant and I better end it here. I hate to pull the focus away from the Vietnam war and the struggles of your generation.