My ongoing exposure to domestic violence

[supernova]

47. Been there, done that. The hot line is

probably your best bet right now. They can help you find the local DV shelter and local agencies that can help.


In the mean time, if you haven't already, start putting together an emergency leaving bag... clothes, extra meds if any, cash, important papers (insurance, drivers licenses, auto reg, list of important numbers) for you and your kids. Hide that bag away from him at a place you know he'll never look, at a neighbor's if you have to. Like someone upthread said, YOU must leave. YOU must remove yourself and your kids first. You have a big asset since the house is in your name. Use it to your advantage. You can always go back.

You've already done one of the hardest things... admit that his behavior isn't going to change and that your future will look very much like the present if you stay.

I was married to a BP for nine years, we were together for ten. He was verbally and psychologically abusive. I left before he turned violent. I am sorry that you have been physically abused. He tried controlling me, but was inept at it. So I know the craziness of which you speak. You're a saint one minute and evil incarnate the next. Sometime in our fifth year, I began to realize that the arguments we were having weren't just run of the mill relationship disagreements. He also threatened suicide. I decided it was time to leave when I found myself not caring if he did or not.

That was in 1995. I now have a lovely home with a mate who adores me and treats me like the beautiful human that I am. I was also alone for a good chunk of time because I needed to be. I needed to explore what MY needs, MY likes/dislikes, My desires were before I found the right person. And even when I did, I had to think seriously if I was ready to take on caring for another person again. I had grown to love my own company and was reluctant to change it. I am not trying to imply it's all smooth sailing after you leave. It isn't. But it IS very much more peaceful and you can think clearly about what you need, then act on it without impediment from someone who needs more help, professional help, than you can provide.

You may not be able to do much today, this being Sunday, but get your to do list together for tomorrow and the following days. You're about to be your own, and your childrens', BEST HERO!!


edit: Add to the leaving bag: a new pay as you go cell phone, or at least a different one that he doesn't know about. Prepaid debit card would be good too. You can find both in any drugstore or dollar store (Modern tools, eh?) Forgot to say, it's not totally required but to think about places to go to when you leave. Let it be someplace you've never mentioned or perhaps a distant relative. The more obscure to him the better.

edit 2: My point with all the preplanning is, just having a plan will make you feel more secure and confident in your dealings with him from now on. And the less thinking you have to do "in the moment" of leaving, the better off you'll be.