General Discussion

Tsiyu

(18,186 posts)

71. "I'm just so afraid of being alone," you say.

Sun Feb 17, 2013, 01:00 PM

Feb 2013

This is a pathological fear in Borderline Personality Disorder. The person hates to be alone. Understand that and you will figure out how to extricate yourself.

If you haven't just made this story up, and you really are experiencing what you say here, the last thing you need to fear is "being alone." You're not alone. You should be more afraid for any children living in this hell. Your fear of being alone doesn't trump their safety.

They fear your out-of-control household. They fear the sight and sound of Daddy beating up Mommy.

If he's an actual person, your husband sounds like a dangerous, violent sort. He will never get better. His violence will only escalate. When he no longer gets you to care about the pain he inflicts, he will turn on the children, and torment them to get you to react to his cruelty.

If you are telling the truth here, you need to proceed carefully, but with all due haste to remove yourself and the children from this man before DCS does it for you.

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My ongoing exposure to domestic violence [View all] bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 OP

You need to get some counseling. raccoon Feb 2013 #1

Thank you bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #3

From me to you life long demo Feb 2013 #64

That's a tough one. You need professional advice, I think. Laelth Feb 2013 #2

thanks for the links bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #5

Those books are for the family members of a person who has BPD. Laelth Feb 2013 #6

I agree. You should find an abused women's shelter. Don't try to go there, just call. bluestate10 Feb 2013 #79

You are not alone intaglio Feb 2013 #4

I am sorry this is happening to you mecherosegarden Feb 2013 #7

Your reply brings tears to my eyes.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #8

If he won't leave, you have to kdmorris Feb 2013 #13

Please do seek help mecherosegarden Feb 2013 #23

Domestic Violence hotline Sienna86 Feb 2013 #9

Thanks bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #15

"Borderline Personality Disorder" is not something you want to raise kids around. bemildred Feb 2013 #10

I was in your situation 20 years ago kdmorris Feb 2013 #11

it's amazing how many of our situations bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #14

I'm going to tell you something you probably don't want to hear Glitterati Feb 2013 #18

I agree with Glitterati... kdmorris Feb 2013 #49

I sent you handmade34 Feb 2013 #12

Go and soon. a la izquierda Feb 2013 #16

Leave him, as everyone says, but in the meantime, ERASE THIS FROM YOUR SEARCH HISTORY! Squinch Feb 2013 #17

The thing that convinced me I had to leave lunatica Feb 2013 #19

That is how I feel.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #29

Take small steps so you can go if you want Chantel Feb 2013 #20

Physical abuse.Emotional abuse. Physical and emotional manipulation. geckosfeet Feb 2013 #21

I agree.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #22

Yes. I think that warm comfy spot is a good part of a relationship. But when it is geckosfeet Feb 2013 #69

Please seek help from people trained to deal with these situations. redqueen Feb 2013 #24

What I Did: distantearlywarning Feb 2013 #25

+ a MILLION! FirstLight Feb 2013 #74

I had no idea my fellow humans were capabale of horrors like this NNN0LHI Feb 2013 #26

you need to end the relationship. please barbtries Feb 2013 #27

I don't have any family here.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #31

i've read this entire thread barbtries Feb 2013 #37

Thank you. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #42

Don't avoid calling the police because it's "traumatizing for the kids." They've been through enough Brickbat Feb 2013 #63

They CAN'T be more traumatized Glitterati Feb 2013 #65

My father promised my mother Glitterati Feb 2013 #34

i'm so glad you got out alive barbtries Feb 2013 #40

I still haven't forgiven myself Glitterati Feb 2013 #56

This. All of this. nt redqueen Feb 2013 #89

Been There - Left The Abuser otohara Feb 2013 #28

All my family bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #30

This Doesn't Sound Good otohara Feb 2013 #44

Yea, it is a big clusterfuck.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #48

Call Them otohara Feb 2013 #51

I agree with you.. n/t bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #54

Reach out today - don't wait anymore aintitfunny Feb 2013 #32

Thank you bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #33

There is no winning in a relationship with a Borderline. slackmaster Feb 2013 #35

Have you dealt with this personally? bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #36

Yes. I struggled for several months, then gave up and broke off the relationship. slackmaster Feb 2013 #41

Oh wow.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #45

That's exactly how Borderlines emotionally blackmail people. slackmaster Feb 2013 #50

Unless you want your kids to be more like their dad, you will get out and away from him! Dustlawyer Feb 2013 #38

That is my worst fear.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #39

Take it one day at a time and do it! Later you will look back and wished you had done it sooner! Dustlawyer Feb 2013 #53

point. this is what the boys learn. (and if she had girls, they would learn to live with it) nt seabeyond Feb 2013 #43

I don't have any advice to add HappyMe Feb 2013 #46

Been there, done that. The hot line is supernova Feb 2013 #47

What am I suppose to do bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #52

You're more likely to get good answers from a hotline professional than on this forum slackmaster Feb 2013 #55

I have gotten exactly what I needed.. bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #59

Humans before things supernova Feb 2013 #58

"After I get his name off the deed, I can have the police remove him, and he will have no recourse" kdmorris Feb 2013 #73

Your home is useless to you if you are roody Feb 2013 #77

Be careful with that. Thegonagle Feb 2013 #87

I want to thank everyone for the wonderful responses bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #57

If I had the money for more...I'd give you a bunch of hearts. Auntie Bush Feb 2013 #84

Wishing you the best, bama Cal Carpenter Feb 2013 #60

If I were you noamnety Feb 2013 #61

I would leave him if I were you. For yourself, for your kids, and for your kids' future families. Brickbat Feb 2013 #62

You need to talk to a counselor. lumberjack_jeff Feb 2013 #66

I don't have any advice that hasn't already been mentioned, but Arkansas Granny Feb 2013 #67

Adding to my post above life long demo Feb 2013 #68

I'm not going to lecture you... ljm2002 Feb 2013 #70

"I'm just so afraid of being alone," you say. Tsiyu Feb 2013 #71

You already know everything you need to know. Stay safe. aikoaiko Feb 2013 #72

" I am just so afraid of being alone." ScreamingMeemie Feb 2013 #75

Please go to therapy for yourself. roody Feb 2013 #76

Please get some help - cliffordu Feb 2013 #78

Please! Sissyk Feb 2013 #80

You need to take your power back. Faux pas Feb 2013 #81

My husbands ex- wife had BPD ismnotwasm Feb 2013 #82

Bama, you've been given some great advice here, but you seem to be making excuses to ignore it all. MoonRiver Feb 2013 #83

Well said Moonriver. Auntie Bush Feb 2013 #86

I noticed Bama hasn't been on this thread today after she said her thinks. Auntie Bush Feb 2013 #85

How sweet of you to worry! bama_blue_dot Feb 2013 #88

From one woman LWolf Feb 2013 #90