My ongoing exposure to domestic violence

[FirstLight]

74. + a MILLION!

I had to try to leave a few times before I got it right, he had the car in such a state that it wouldn't go more than a few miles without breaking down. I stayed in a shelter one night to make him see I was serious about him getting help, to no avail. His family tried to talk him down, my family didn't know how bad it was....

"Every woman who has been in the situation you describe sees herself in your post, and they know where you are emotionally right now. Just get out. Every day that passes is more dangerous for you emotionally and physically, and it's one less day you have to live the rest of your life as a autonomous, happy human being instead of some asshole's plaything."

AMEN
The day I left, I had not planned...just started packing when he left for work in the morning (after screaming at me in the driveway in front of the neighbors), and was out the door as he returned from work.
I left in 2004 with two babies (7mos & 20 mos) on my hips and a VERY disturbed 11 yr old who was broken from witnessing the abuse (even if he was in his room hiding, he heard everything...rape included. He is 20 now and still has LOTS of anger issues...) It took sheltering for a couple months while CPS watched us to make sure I was not going back to him. Got HUD for help with a house and moved every year for five years just to be sure... I did counseling, but had to change people a few times and also got involved with a church for support. It took two years before I was even READY to try and get a job, and I only held it for a year... I still have trouble with certain types of people, phrases, jokes and even movies. Had my first PTSD relapse from a trigger in my english class, and was back in that fight or flight place for about a day....my family and new BF were shocked to see me as such an emotional basket case (and to think I lived like that for YEARS). The scars stick, but life CAN and DOES get better.

It takes resolve, it takes strength that you may not realize you have. do it for your kids...don't let the damage seep into their little psyches any more than it already has.
Yes, I felt the guilt and sorrow for 'destroying' him and his life... I HAD to report him because it was a moral imperative he was a danger to others in my mind... for lots of reasons. But I had to think about US and our survival and healing had to be First Priority...even though it was sad.

Your survival and the mental health of you and your kids is so important. STAY SAFE and start looking at your options.!