Psychiatrists to brand grief lasting longer than two weeks a mental illness

[markpkessinger]

108. Please be careful before declaring what grief "is" or "is not"

Grieving is unique to each person, and some folks may well need more help in dealing with it than others.

I speak from experience. In 2000, I lost both parents to lung cancer, 12 days apart: Mom on December 13, dad on Christmas day. Both died at home, as was their wish. During their last two months, I was their primary care giver, with significant assistance from my four siblings and from the hospice nurses that visited, at first 3 times a week, and then on a daily basis as we got closer to the end. My siblings and I were all present with both parents when each of them passed. I could not function at a remotely normal level for nearly two years afterwards, and it was a full three years before I got back to feeling fully back to normal. I received counseling, but no medication. (Indeed, my therapist said I was exhibiting signs of post-traumatic stress syndrome.) About nine months after my parents died, I wound up losing a job because I couldn't function at an acceptable level. I was failing to respond to emails, missing deadlines, going into work and keeping my door shut all day long, and yet somehow I wasn't even aware of my lack of functioning. I was in a complete fog.

One of my sisters, then a high school English teacher, was having a similarly hard time and, like me, thought she was functioning just fine. In her case, a very sensitive and observant principal, whose own wife had gone through something similar, realized what was happening, and one day pulled her out of class and told her she was, from that day through the remainder of the academic year (from mid-March through early June), placed on medical leave. He also got her in touch with a very good psychotherapist, who, in consultation with a psychiatrist, did indeed place her on an anti-depressant regimen, which she remained on for a couple of years. It helped her immensely, enabling her at least to function more normally again. She returned to work without further difficulty in September of the same year.