Have You Seen This? Photographer As Witness - A Portrait of Domestic Violence

[lunatica]

18. Spousal abuse is a very complicated dynamic

What probably happened is he was a nice guy when she met him. He treated her well and it probably lasted for a while. Then one day he got mad and he hit her, but he probably apologized and cried and promised he would never do it again. Then everything was OK for a while, but he hit her again. The beatings escalated but not after he knew he had control of her and he always blamed her. "You made me mad" is often heard in these cases because the abuser, like so many thoughtless other people, blame the victim.

And along with the beatings are the threats which are even worse. The abuser will invariably threaten her life, her children's lives and her family's life in order to keep her under control. Usually she believes him, mostly because he's shown he will beat someone up at the drop of a hat. And unfortunately it's usually when a woman works up the nerve to leave her abuser that he kills her.

It's a pattern which is lived over again and again by women but most of the women have no idea it's a pattern or that it's predictable and how truly dangerous it is. There's a reason women's shelters are kept secret. Their lives and their children's lives depend on it.