General Discussion

Hekate

(100,133 posts)

121. Our grandbaby's funeral cost about $1,000. Cremation, no cemetery plot, church service & reception.

Sat Mar 2, 2013, 11:40 PM

Mar 2013

It was really quite beautifully done. There was an outpouring of grief and support, as is normal at such times, and while my daughter was just stunned at the prospect of planning I told her, "This is for others to do."

Every time someone asked me "What can I do?" I gave them a task. Friends donated flowers for the altar, and they were potted plants that could be planted later. Friends brought trays of food to the reception in the church hall. Friends put up the tables and put them away again. Friends cleaned up the church kitchen afterward. The cost of the church and hall were not exorbitant. The woman at the mortuary was kind and compassionate.

When someone asks what they can do, give them a task.

The cost of a funeral can be obscene. At a time when mourners are just stunned out of their minds, they can be talked into spending more than they can reasonably afford in order to show their love and respect. In truth, how you spend your life thereafter is the way to show your love and respect for the departed. You have to be strong to resist this kind of pressure. You have to be willing to ask for help and to receive help when it is offered.

I greatly recommend cremation. Both my husband and I plan that for ourselves.

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It says so much when a working family can't even afford to bury the dead [View all] xmas74 Mar 2013 OP

I buried my husband last year and trust me the whole.. Little Star Mar 2013 #1

It's awful. xmas74 Mar 2013 #3

Your post has bothered me so that I did a google search... Little Star Mar 2013 #10

I will definitely refer this over to them! xmas74 Mar 2013 #14

I tell everyone liberalmike27 Mar 2013 #65

Mom and Dad were 840high Mar 2013 #67

Both my husband and I are going to be cremated. We went to our local funeral home southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #93

Just a suggestion..... Curmudgeoness Mar 2013 #108

Good suggestion - my 840high Mar 2013 #111

The mafia... awoke_in_2003 Mar 2013 #106

And in place of an actual funeral "service", could they throw a wake (unless there is some DeschutesRiver Mar 2013 #68

Many cremation locations also offer a service after the death. You have to some individuals lunasun Mar 2013 #134

((((Little Star)))) n/t Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #4

TY Little Star Mar 2013 #11

Same, didn't know. Sending hugs to you, too. freshwest Mar 2013 #61

TY Little Star Mar 2013 #88

I am sorry for your loss. HappyMe Mar 2013 #71

TY Little Star Mar 2013 #89

My husband and I have made a pact (set it in place via a legal trust/will) SoCalDem Mar 2013 #100

I am so into genealogy that I have been in the process of working... Little Star Mar 2013 #102

With so much online these days, an actual marker may soon be a thing of the past too SoCalDem Mar 2013 #105

And can't even afford the lower cost of cremation, either. Lars39 Mar 2013 #2

I remember reading The American Way of Death xmas74 Mar 2013 #6

Smart funeral home directors will start offering cheaper Lars39 Mar 2013 #25

That is exactly what my father did. former9thward Mar 2013 #32

That's what impressed him about it. xmas74 Mar 2013 #46

My husband donated his body to research. Demoiselle Mar 2013 #57

Cremation liberalmike27 Mar 2013 #66

Thanks, liberalmike27. Lars39 Mar 2013 #97

If that's the case customerserviceguy Mar 2013 #113

You can't cut back on air, she literally has no income coming in right now except food stamps. Lars39 Mar 2013 #114

Ok, I don't want anyone to starve customerserviceguy Mar 2013 #119

My parents did a pre-paid Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #5

She had so many problems xmas74 Mar 2013 #7

That is weird exboyfil Mar 2013 #9

For Medicaid, it's fine. xmas74 Mar 2013 #13

Medicaid or Medicare? MiniMe Mar 2013 #72

I probably meant Medicare for the age. xmas74 Mar 2013 #80

That is just plain immoral Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #19

I think you may want to recheck that fact. Frosty1 Mar 2013 #47

It's not the SSI. xmas74 Mar 2013 #51

You may be right Frosty1 Mar 2013 #63

There's a big fight right now xmas74 Mar 2013 #79

I hear you Frosty1 Mar 2013 #94

It's a good question about the liquidation xmas74 Mar 2013 #96

Transport, Casket, Embalming, exboyfil Mar 2013 #8

She was on disability. xmas74 Mar 2013 #12

must be different in pennsylvania dhol82 Mar 2013 #35

I'm in Missouri. xmas74 Mar 2013 #48

The caseworker was wrong! Frosty1 Mar 2013 #49

But states can place their own laws on the program. xmas74 Mar 2013 #54

Many can't even afford decent housing and food madokie Mar 2013 #15

She was on disability. xmas74 Mar 2013 #20

That is so sad madokie Mar 2013 #26

The cost of living doesn't compare to the cost of dying.... Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #16

And since she was on disability xmas74 Mar 2013 #17

What gets me is they throw guilt at you for not forking over the cash.... Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #30

The only positive part about this is that xmas74 Mar 2013 #82

I told everyone to just have a party.... Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #116

It's a good attitude to have xmas74 Mar 2013 #118

What gets me is when you go to a cemetary and there is this big monument there... Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #126

I don't know xmas74 Mar 2013 #129

I lived next to a cemetary with dates going back to the early 1800s.... Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #137

I would spend weeks there, xmas74 Mar 2013 #143

This one has a prize.... Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #146

That is incredible. xmas74 Mar 2013 #152

Here's the coorinates... Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #156

Or even more than that. Initech Mar 2013 #76

We live in an exurb of the City of Rochester... Earth_First Mar 2013 #18

This is a common attitude towards pauper's fields. xmas74 Mar 2013 #24

Ever drive down I-95 outside of Secaucus, NJ? bluedigger Mar 2013 #58

Mother of God, you're joking! a la izquierda Mar 2013 #103

My parents had made the choice to be cremated.................. mrmpa Mar 2013 #21

It's just become too expensive xmas74 Mar 2013 #29

That is why it is too expensive. RC Mar 2013 #64

Exactly. xmas74 Mar 2013 #83

FWIW, some things I've been seeing people do to save money shrike Mar 2013 #22

Cremation used to be so cheap xmas74 Mar 2013 #33

We skipped the funeral and all for Gram Viva_La_Revolution Mar 2013 #74

That happens all too often. I have made sure that both my disabled daughter and myself have prepaid jwirr Mar 2013 #23

That's a good thing. xmas74 Mar 2013 #84

It's a damn shame. Solly Mack Mar 2013 #27

it used to be cheaper to bury the dead hfojvt Mar 2013 #28

Cremation used to be so cheap xmas74 Mar 2013 #34

$700 on February 1st in Spokane. $22 for a death certificate from the county.Per copy. n/t jtuck004 Mar 2013 #40

That's in Spokane. xmas74 Mar 2013 #43

There's an echo in here. jtuck004 Mar 2013 #56

If I had a large enough vehicle I would do the transport myself xmas74 Mar 2013 #86

I don't mean to be irreverent Frosty1 Mar 2013 #95

Yes I do. xmas74 Mar 2013 #98

I had forgotten about that. Frosty1 Mar 2013 #104

It's terribly hard, I know. And as they are going through their grief process, they jtuck004 Mar 2013 #115

Look up "excarnation" some time. Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2013 #41

Our cremation for my husband was over 2,000 dollars. I had a memorial service for him juajen Mar 2013 #73

How kind. I am touched by the generosity of your friends. smirkymonkey Mar 2013 #120

That's what we did for my parents... Hekate Mar 2013 #122

The funeral industry preys on the grief-stricken when they can least handle things LiberalEsto Mar 2013 #31

+1 handmade34 Mar 2013 #36

My mom had made no arrangements for herself, so when she died, my brother and I had to Nay Mar 2013 #37

My brother Pinkie died in October sorefeet Mar 2013 #38

$3000 is a decent price xmas74 Mar 2013 #87

My father passed away last year... Dr Hobbitstein Mar 2013 #39

win win organ donor bocaoma Mar 2013 #42

Have you contacted these people in your state? lunatica Mar 2013 #44

I just finally looked at this xmas74 Mar 2013 #55

Believe it or not, $1,000 is an impossible amount of money for a poor family. bluestate10 Mar 2013 #107

I do understand that lunatica Mar 2013 #110

In writing about the miseries of the people in the East End of London at the jtuck004 Mar 2013 #45

What you are really saying is that they can not afford to dispose of a body. peace13 Mar 2013 #50

If it had not been for Vet's benefits I would not have been able to have my father cremated 1-Old-Man Mar 2013 #52

Veterans shanti Mar 2013 #124

This is America! Rosa Luxemburg Mar 2013 #53

Yeah, it is America... love_katz Mar 2013 #140

A friend of mine recently buried her father... RevStPatrick Mar 2013 #59

Thanks for the link. . . Journeyman Mar 2013 #139

My wife and I have the same plan for each other- cremation, no service, no visitation, no urn. X_Digger Mar 2013 #60

My parents have a similar plan set up for themselves. Mariana Mar 2013 #62

I thought about being incorporated into an artificial reef.. X_Digger Mar 2013 #70

So do we. Prepaid plan, with the ashes of the first to go saved until the other one does. Then, bike man Mar 2013 #69

San Diego COunty has a Indigent Burial & Cremation Program Hatchling Mar 2013 #75

It's ugly in the pediatric hospice business. You can't get grants to help pay for funeral costs. mucifer Mar 2013 #77

I've heard this before from a friend who used to work xmas74 Mar 2013 #78

When my aunt died, my uncle had no life insurance on her notadmblnd Mar 2013 #81

My Mother went for cremation . Lady Freedom Returns Mar 2013 #85

for the price of a funeral and burial etc. elehhhhna Mar 2013 #90

not even an urn... janlyn Mar 2013 #91

My mother donated her body to the Medical College of Va. dgibby Mar 2013 #92

Carwashes/bake sales/marches for cancer treatment..begging for funeral expenses SoCalDem Mar 2013 #99

What pisses me off is if the family wants to see the loved one, any visitation Autumn Mar 2013 #101

That is horrible; I'm so sorry. Our experience with my mother was much, much kinder Hekate Mar 2013 #148

I recently read The American Way of Death Revisited by Jessica Mitford prole_for_peace Mar 2013 #109

I read it years ago. xmas74 Mar 2013 #117

It is such a scam. prole_for_peace Mar 2013 #157

I read an article once about death midwives xmas74 Mar 2013 #158

. blkmusclmachine Mar 2013 #112

Our grandbaby's funeral cost about $1,000. Cremation, no cemetery plot, church service & reception. Hekate Mar 2013 #121

I spoke with the friend. xmas74 Mar 2013 #123

Hugs to you all Hekate Mar 2013 #147

Funerals have been giant rip-offs RudynJack Mar 2013 #125

She revisited the subject in 1996 xmas74 Mar 2013 #130

Yes she did. RudynJack Mar 2013 #135

Wages have been allowed to fall too far over the last 40 years Warpy Mar 2013 #127

Good luck with the wages. xmas74 Mar 2013 #132

Most of the problems facing this country Warpy Mar 2013 #138

I know that and you know that xmas74 Mar 2013 #144

My mother and father want to be cremated and no service at all. hrmjustin Mar 2013 #128

my country's government pays death benefits to help with funeral riverbendviewgal Mar 2013 #131

If only this was an option xmas74 Mar 2013 #133

Social Security pays a small benefit here... Historic NY Mar 2013 #136

There's a big difference between $255 and the $2500 mentioned xmas74 Mar 2013 #142

It did for me riverbendviewgal Mar 2013 #161

My mother, who had been a nurse, SheilaT Mar 2013 #141

They've decided on the most inexpensive cremation they can find xmas74 Mar 2013 #145

Can you give us a link to their donation account Mortos Mar 2013 #149

I will give out the link via pm. xmas74 Mar 2013 #153

The funeral industry is a money grubbing racket. alphafemale Mar 2013 #150

Exactly. nt xmas74 Mar 2013 #154

Funerals are free, burials optional michigandem58 Mar 2013 #151

They decided on cremation xmas74 Mar 2013 #155

My uncle recently went through this. Le Taz Hot Mar 2013 #159

In this case, xmas74 Mar 2013 #160