Stop Telling Women How to Not Get Raped

[MrModerate]

300. Thanks for your thoughtful response, with which I still, I'm afraid, disagree . . .

And here's why:

“It is confusing the issue, and blaming the woman for trying to relax and enjoy life. Unless you teach women to never be alone with a man, not their friends, not their boyfriend, not their husband, not their uncle, not their grandfather, not their brothers, not their father, then you aren't informing her of all the situations that can happen.”

Not so. And this is where the OP and supporters immediately go off the rails: pointing out that a person is more vulnerable when intoxicated is not, not, not blaming that person if a crime is committed against them. For some reason, the OP seems convinced that admitting that risk increases with intoxication is an offer of a get-out-of-jail-free card to rapists.

Which is nonsense. A crime’s a crime.

And failing to teach young people steps they can take to increase their safety is both cruel and foolish. And yet, that is what the OP suggests.

The OP also dismisses self-defense training because it has failed to eliminate rape. Using the same logic, seat belts have failed to eliminate death in auto accidents, so should we abandon them for that reason?

“If we focus on teaching defense and prevention to women only, like has been done basically all throughout history and still doesn't work, then the obvious conclusion is that she did something wrong.”

Not so. That conclusion is not at all obvious, and has no logical or emotional basis. Also, defense and prevention are far from the only things being taught. Young men are routinely taught that “no means no,” at least in the families that I come in contact with (I'm going anecdotal again). You can (should) argue that such teaching is not universal or effective enough, but to suggest it isn't taking place is flatly untrue.

“The point that the OP is making is that teaching precaution DOESN'T WORK, it never has and, I'm not psychic, but I'll put money that it never will work to reduce it happening.”

And that is flatly wrong. Precaution does work – just not every time. Ask any woman about the times when she has felt uneasy or felt that something was getting out of control and so took precautionary steps and prevented a potential assault. A lot more than 1 in 5 will be able to answer yes to that question. I've had such conversations.

And as for anti-rape messaging? I'm all for it. I just think it's already taking place. I know I've taught my son about respect for all persons in general, and women in specific. That's how the people I know are raising their sons. Can we do more, much more? Of course. Should we reduce self-defense/situational awareness training for women because of a greater emphasis on preventing men from raping? Of course not.