General Discussion

one_voice

(20,043 posts)

140. Doesn't bother me...

Sat Mar 16, 2013, 11:59 AM

Mar 2013

I've held the door for men too. Simple manners.

Change the scenario to helping someone on the side of the road change a tire. If man would stop and help a woman change a tire but not a man, or more frequently than help a man is that benevolent sexism?

I can't see it as always being benevolent sexism. I was talking to my husband and son last night and the first thing they said was a woman is more likely to become a victim in a situation like that. They ALSO said that women are more prepared and likely to defend themselves today but it can still happen. What if they have kids in the car?

I can see their point it's not a sexism thing, to me it's more like common sense. I know how to defend myself, but if there were more than one person I could be shit out of luck. Add to the mix children in the car and...

So I think there are times when a man can do something for a woman that he might not do for a man and it is not sexism in any form.

That's my .02

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This message was self-deleted by its author [View all] Orrex Mar 2013 OP

I don't know boston bean Mar 2013 #1

You're drawing a good distinction Orrex Mar 2013 #20

^^^^this. It is obvious and it is not simple courtesy. magical thyme Mar 2013 #21

I've had guys do that for (to) me also and I'm a guy. Pisses me off, too. Gidney N Cloyd Mar 2013 #25

Oh my God I hate that. Drives me crazy. Same thing with cars who refuse to take right of way Recursion Mar 2013 #63

makes sense n/t fishwax Mar 2013 #94

Here we go Kingofalldems Mar 2013 #2

I'm not getting this whole thing. babylonsister Mar 2013 #3

Thank you. Orrex Mar 2013 #7

Phew! babylonsister Mar 2013 #13

Lucky you, me not so! Ninga Mar 2013 #27

I'm on Ignore too. Don't remember posting anything obnoxious or hateful to anyone.. Auntie Bush Mar 2013 #195

My gf loves it.. Niceguy1 Mar 2013 #31

I like manners and courtliness as much as babylonsister Mar 2013 #32

Me, too. Niceguy1 Mar 2013 #36

"And PS, I hold the door open for both sexes when in a position to do so."...... socialist_n_TN Mar 2013 #41

Exactly treestar Mar 2013 #60

Thank you. enlightenment Mar 2013 #69

One of the best anecdotes I ever read, that sums up my own philosophy on the matter: Geoff R. Casavant Mar 2013 #116

Thank you for the story; and btw the response was very apt too! -- n/t mazzarro Mar 2013 #214

I was 8 months pregnant, standing in a bus, & the only one who got up for me was an old lady Hekate Mar 2013 #258

Well, if someone is close enough ahead of me that they just let the door slam in my face. HuckleB Mar 2013 #144

thank you babylonsister Puzzledtraveller Mar 2013 #204

+1000 nt Mojorabbit Mar 2013 #218

THANKS, b'sis! elleng Mar 2013 #251

I say thank you Generic Other Mar 2013 #4

Wait! How do you know that you aren't being covertly subjugated? Orrex Mar 2013 #12

"your place" pintobean Mar 2013 #18

Who cares? Really, these discussions about benevolent sexism seem so trivial snappyturtle Mar 2013 #5

Another good response Orrex Mar 2013 #8

because from the original thread on this, the same men who exhibit benevolent sexism also exhibit magical thyme Mar 2013 #28

since no one is actually discussing the concept of benevolent sexism, only about damn doors, ya... seabeyond Mar 2013 #56

I'm still trying to figure out what I should do in the case of rotating doors Major Nikon Mar 2013 #92

ya, cause this is such a fuckin honest conversation you men are having Op after OP to diss seabeyond Mar 2013 #95

As opposed to the other way around? Major Nikon Mar 2013 #101

ya. exactly. as opposed to the fuckin' other way around. and do not fuckin tell me to lighten up seabeyond Mar 2013 #102

just because you can't control what people say datasuspect Mar 2013 #210

Actually, Major, rotating doors might be the only answer to this vexing dilemma. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #228

Says the expert on totally fabricated strawman outrage. cleanhippie Mar 2013 #121

link. prove it. or just more lies. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #123

QED cleanhippie Mar 2013 #124

? i saw no links. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #127

The rest of us see them. cleanhippie Mar 2013 #130

still no link. this would be exactly the example of you men manufacturing your outrage seabeyond Mar 2013 #135

Hey, a question for you. I call my 4 yo daughter "baby", "sweetie", and "pumpkin" a lot. cleanhippie Mar 2013 #139

i call my two sons sugarplum and sweetiepie and they are 18 and 16. is that wrong? seabeyond Mar 2013 #143

So it's okay then? cleanhippie Mar 2013 #148

and thank you once again for trying to create something that isnt there. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #152

Oh, it's there. cleanhippie Mar 2013 #154

everywhere!!! just cant link to it. gotcha. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #168

Do you really want links to all 84,158 of your posts? cleanhippie Mar 2013 #180

wow datasuspect Mar 2013 #212

you really think people who complain about sexism are complaining about this ? JI7 Mar 2013 #256

uh, links to meta will no longer work. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #239

Bwahahahaha! Perfect! cleanhippie Mar 2013 #253

Obviously people are much more interested in this topic treestar Mar 2013 #61

Well I asked the question, "Who cares"? Thanks for your answer. snappyturtle Mar 2013 #70

I'm an empath. nt Zorra Mar 2013 #6

Another one of these? Oiy. Whisp Mar 2013 #9

Love it! Orrex Mar 2013 #15

Hey~ babylonsister Mar 2013 #17

Shining their balls. Bowling balls. Whisp Mar 2013 #22

Hahaha! I babylonsister Mar 2013 #26

The correct line would be, "Obviously I'm not a golfer" tridim Mar 2013 #64

The Dude abides Cali_Democrat Mar 2013 #252

Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women! Whisp Mar 2013 #254

Slow news day. n/t tavernier Mar 2013 #10

There's a range.. Melon_Lord Mar 2013 #11

@#$%!! I should have scrolled down before posting. This is perfect! Gidney N Cloyd Mar 2013 #29

I like that BainsBane Mar 2013 #209

You don't. Which is why I have never spent any time fretting over it. cali Mar 2013 #14

Another fine answer! Orrex Mar 2013 #16

It isn't about individual acts of opening the door gollygee Mar 2013 #19

It risks identifying an act of gender-neutral courtesy with sexism Orrex Mar 2013 #30

Thanks for the benevolent and patronizing explaining MattBaggins Mar 2013 #74

Oh dear... sibelian Mar 2013 #76

Not at all MattBaggins Mar 2013 #83

Perhaps you could make me a list of questions that I'm allowed to answer? Orrex Mar 2013 #200

Once again, it isn't about any individual acts gollygee Mar 2013 #87

I get it. Orrex Mar 2013 #201

Good post. Tien1985 Mar 2013 #37

thank you for noticing where this bullshit started. a definition given because it was ASKEd for. seabeyond Mar 2013 #78

This... pipi_k Mar 2013 #75

Your example isn't benevolent gollygee Mar 2013 #79

Hmm that standard has been changing for some time nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #107

Some here have been using it as a pretty dramatic strawman gollygee Mar 2013 #109

Also with air traffic control towers closing nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #111

People have always discussed a variety of issues here gollygee Mar 2013 #113

People discussing issues yup nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #153

if it looks petty, it's because some have built strawmen designed to make it look petty fishwax Mar 2013 #157

you were a paramedic, right? seabeyond Mar 2013 #112

It would never happen. nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #119

wow. so the bottom line. a person asked for a definition. i gave a definition. and this is what seabeyond Mar 2013 #125

The discussion I have seen is about doors nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #137

and i explained to you the discussion about doors was manufactured, made up, to diss feminism. seabeyond Mar 2013 #141

Have a good day nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #146

yes. you are seeing a repeated lie saying feminist are outraged about doors. there is not a single seabeyond Mar 2013 #150

Whatever. nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #156

what a fuckin' hoot. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #170

I am glad you are having a hoot nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #175

Why are you continuing to pretend that feminists are talking about opening doors? Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #184

Forgive me, what is the whole brouhaha about? nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #185

Feminist are not framing it about doors. There are OPs after OPs LYING Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #188

Ok, whatever nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #192

You are blaming feminists for what others are doing. THEY are doing the framing Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #194

I am not blaming a soul nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #244

You might want to check where the brouhaha started nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #250

Good manners..n/t monmouth3 Mar 2013 #23

I guess I missed the post telling me I should be offended Arkansas Granny Mar 2013 #24

There was no such post treestar Mar 2013 #62

I had seen several threads on the door issue, so I assumed Arkansas Granny Mar 2013 #179

I would prefer to have the discussion on who goes through the door first, CrispyQ Mar 2013 #33

double doors take care of that boston bean Mar 2013 #34

Especially on elevators. AnotherMcIntosh Mar 2013 #114

I'm female and I hold doors for men. Fla Dem Mar 2013 #35

I will usually hold the door in that instance, but still go in first boston bean Mar 2013 #40

As a lifelone feminista Le Taz Hot Mar 2013 #38

Well said! n/t Lisa D Mar 2013 #45

Nice! Orrex Mar 2013 #48

we are not spending the time on it or making the issue on it. none of us are outraged, or even seabeyond Mar 2013 #54

And not all of us Le Taz Hot Mar 2013 #255

yes. i know you didnt know. too many dont. and the boys counted on that seabeyond Mar 2013 #257

Seabeyond, Le Taz Hot Mar 2013 #260

No one is outraged except one or two girls on this thread Orrex Mar 2013 #262

I don't think it started there, seabeyond kdmorris Mar 2013 #264

Institutionalized Racism MattBaggins Mar 2013 #77

Opening the door for someone Le Taz Hot Mar 2013 #155

If you can't see past the silly door nonsense MattBaggins Mar 2013 #161

Nobody is focused on it or spending a great deal of time on it gollygee Mar 2013 #84

We might as well be Free Republic MattBaggins Mar 2013 #89

this has gone so fuckin beyond childish to dishonestly disgusting. some troll at 46 starting an OP seabeyond Mar 2013 #96

As a lifelong feminist, you just jumped in with the posse that is trying to Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #106

+1 Auntie Bush Mar 2013 #196

+10000 LittleBlue Mar 2013 #208

My mother once scolded me for failing to hold a door open for a young lady. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #39

If you only do it for women than it is sexist MattBaggins Mar 2013 #82

I'll try to remember to feel chastised the next time I do it. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #105

"are often" - key words there aint_no_life_nowhere Mar 2013 #246

I say thank you... CherokeeDem Mar 2013 #42

Thank you for your thouhtful and thorough response! Orrex Mar 2013 #46

just politeness unionthug777 Mar 2013 #43

That's an impossible question to answer. MineralMan Mar 2013 #44

I see it as common courtesy WolverineDG Mar 2013 #47

So do I. AngryOldDem Mar 2013 #50

No joke. Talk about first world problems WolverineDG Mar 2013 #52

So true 'talk about first world problems'! sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #85

nor the need to figure out you are being played and no feminist is making an issue. men are creating seabeyond Mar 2013 #88

I started this thread because I saw 3 others on it in the past 24 hours Orrex Mar 2013 #160

except the conversation is not about benevolent sexism. all have told you we open doors also and not seabeyond Mar 2013 #172

That was really cute, how he blamed you for other people's dismissive mocking and trivializing. redqueen Mar 2013 #174

I can see how there's a lot of confusion Orrex Mar 2013 #198

it would be an example of benevolent sexism then a definition explaining. lying that feminist on du seabeyond Mar 2013 #222

Weren't you the one who said this wasn't about opening doors? NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #229

Well, your claim that men are outraged is a lie Orrex Mar 2013 #231

It's societal rules like "Men must open doors for women" gollygee Mar 2013 #233

That would have been a much different--and much stronger--example Orrex Mar 2013 #237

again. show me on feminist that has suggested men should not open a door, or that a feminist is seabeyond Mar 2013 #235

You're demanding that I support claims that I haven't made Orrex Mar 2013 #241

Watch what you say or you will get put on ignore Auntie Bush Mar 2013 #197

i do not care if people put me on ignore. you tell me, yet do not seem to have an issue people lyin seabeyond Mar 2013 #225

Then wtf was this? polly7 Mar 2013 #206

wtf it is is a definition of what benevolent sexism is. you know, answering a question another post seabeyond Mar 2013 #224

YOU are the only one on this board or anywhere in even RL I've seen introduce polly7 Mar 2013 #227

it was in the OP. the poster asked what it was. and you are going on and on about me, seabeyond Mar 2013 #236

'Holding open a door and pulling out a chair' was in the OP? polly7 Mar 2013 #238

You say this wasn't about opening doors... NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #230

The strawman again gollygee Mar 2013 #93

:) whatchamacallit Mar 2013 #164

Exactly, sabrina. nt. polly7 Mar 2013 #205

dont know, do not care. i give a smile and say thank you. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #49

A fine response. Orrex Mar 2013 #151

"Benevolent Sexism"? chervilant Mar 2013 #51

It's a model developed by psychologists Recursion Mar 2013 #66

Yes, thank you, chervilant Mar 2013 #134

I tried Recursion Mar 2013 #177

I so know!! chervilant Mar 2013 #190

As a female Dorian Gray Mar 2013 #53

As a male KansDem Mar 2013 #81

This DUer had some points on that treestar Mar 2013 #55

this example is being overused and it is something both sexes now do for each other treestar Mar 2013 #57

I don't look at it as sexism life long demo Mar 2013 #58

If someone of either gender holds a door s-cubed Mar 2013 #59

Given the conditions you describe, it is not possible to know and I don't analyze it. n/t MadrasT Mar 2013 #65

Simple. Ask him. "Did you do that because I am a woman"? Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #67

I thought you were a guy. Quantess Mar 2013 #100

If I ever see a women assaulting a man because he held the door open for her based on her gender... sibelian Mar 2013 #176

I don't think sexism is 'benevolent', but not letting a door slam on the person behind you is. Sunlei Mar 2013 #68

I hold the door for anyone, man or woman. NYC Liberal Mar 2013 #71

If he tries to stick his finger up my cooch..... peace13 Mar 2013 #72

I think the answer might be for women Whisp Mar 2013 #73

I lol`d... opiate69 Mar 2013 #242

Don't care. elleng Mar 2013 #80

If I hold a door open for another woman, does that mean I am a lesbian? djean111 Mar 2013 #86

Hard call. I'm a man and women hold doors for me. CosmicDustBunny Mar 2013 #90

Yeah I get that when I need to use my cane. whistler162 Mar 2013 #166

Motives or actions. Does it matter? Evergreen Emerald Mar 2013 #91

Simple, I just ask him. Quantess Mar 2013 #97

ROFL! n/t gollygee Mar 2013 #98

This whole thing started when someone asked what benevolent sexism was... lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #99

thank you for a breath of honesty. what has been created, literally manufactured over the last 24 seabeyond Mar 2013 #104

Yes, thank you. Quantess Mar 2013 #110

It's 2013, not 1964. I don't waste my time trying to assign Kahuna Mar 2013 #103

It's a polite thing to do. Period. I do it for other people, regardless of gender, they do it for me idwiyo Mar 2013 #108

so, you do not know wtf benevolent sexism is, but you do know it is stupid? seabeyond Mar 2013 #115

There is noting to know. I am sick and tired of "theoretical constructs", definitions, and idwiyo Mar 2013 #181

Benevolent Sexism is not trivial and it is certainly fucking not about opening doors... Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #126

Of course they find evidence supporting their "theoretical constructs" because they are looking for idwiyo Mar 2013 #186

Again, benevolent sexism is not about doors. redqueen Mar 2013 #117

Yes, we get it. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #120

The people who are outraged are the people acting so offended that anyone would treat the issue redqueen Mar 2013 #122

Got it. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #128

only if you say so dude. you and other men really obsessing over the damn doors seabeyond Mar 2013 #131

Well, doors ARE the subject of the OP. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #136

you and your fellow men are running around outraged swooning on the damn couch being seabeyond Mar 2013 #129

I haven't swooned since the last time I read "Gone With The Wind." NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #133

no... i have watched 24 hours of swooning and po boys being victimized with lies yawl are creating seabeyond Mar 2013 #138

That's awesome! NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #147

Yeah ....... life on the DU can be brutal. nt. polly7 Mar 2013 #149

"...setting yourself up as the victim." BuddhaGirl Mar 2013 #211

Yep. All those who are pretending that benevolent sexism is about doors... Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #132

Notice that the OP is staying far away from any discussion of the actual issue. redqueen Mar 2013 #173

Aw geez. Apophis Mar 2013 #118

Doesn't bother me... one_voice Mar 2013 #140

Why does someone who does something nice for you have to have a motive when he opens the southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #142

I will hold the door for a man as well jumptheshadow Mar 2013 #145

I call it good manners and say thank you. If I am the person in front appleannie1 Mar 2013 #158

I hate pork rinds Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #159

I don't know Aerows Mar 2013 #162

The problem is that this is really a non issue nadinbrzezinski Mar 2013 #163

A good answer. Thanks! Orrex Mar 2013 #165

How do you know what ? dipsydoodle Mar 2013 #167

What? richmwill Mar 2013 #169

Great point. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #171

Great reply! Orrex Mar 2013 #199

It's called common courtesy. Owl Mar 2013 #178

I Hold the Door Open for Everyone. It's the Polite Thing to Do. dballance Mar 2013 #182

wtf? i hold open the door for everybody.. it's simple courtesy.... dionysus Mar 2013 #183

I will say this much, an ill wind blows through DU of late. Divide and conquer Exultant Democracy Mar 2013 #187

It's basic courtesy. In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #189

Ill hold the door for anyone. Its just polite. bullimiami Mar 2013 #191

I think that our energies would be better spent fighting malevolent sexism kdmorris Mar 2013 #193

no one would dare bring up benevolent sexism. a boob thread though, ya, that is what started this. seabeyond Mar 2013 #234

Because my arms work just fine, thank you very much. alarimer Mar 2013 #202

So he's automatically sexist, then? Orrex Mar 2013 #203

Courtesy is so offensive! NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #217

I consider it common courtesy BainsBane Mar 2013 #207

Thank you Orrex Mar 2013 #215

I don't mind at all - I don't worry about any possible "sexism" BuddhaGirl Mar 2013 #213

It's just good manners. Island Blue Mar 2013 #216

Just pepper spray him anyway. TheManInTheMac Mar 2013 #219

Okay...that was a home run. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #240

As a guy I observe the three steps rule. pa28 Mar 2013 #220

Holding a door for someone is good manners. I do it for everyone. Dash87 Mar 2013 #221

Reminds me of "Think Like a Man" JonLP24 Mar 2013 #223

Holding a door for someone is common decency BellaLuna Mar 2013 #226

I now have arthritis. I say THANK YOU. Hekate Mar 2013 #232

The real question is, what do you do when a man CLOSES a door? What then? Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #243

I do all of the Niceguy1 Mar 2013 #245

Sure. I like it when a man I'm with is attentive. Cleita Mar 2013 #248

I think being with a Niceguy1 Mar 2013 #249

Actually, I don't care. Cleita Mar 2013 #247

First, I'll mace him, and then when he's down on the ground Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #259

Awesome response. GaYellowDawg Mar 2013 #265

Common courtesy. JNelson6563 Mar 2013 #261

Stick a fork in it, it's done (the door analogy) justiceischeap Mar 2013 #263

I don't bother with thinking about it. ismnotwasm Mar 2013 #266

I'm self-deleting the OP, but here's the original text for the sake of posterity: Orrex Mar 2013 #267