General Discussion

davsand

(13,446 posts)

15. You are blood. Doesn't mean you can't disagree, nor does it mean you accept abuse.

Sun Mar 17, 2013, 05:49 PM

Mar 2013

Sounds odd, but you do not get to choose family. Sometimes, in the interest of the REST of the family you just suck it up and move on. I'd never presume to tell anyone how to live, but I will offer the observation that it can and does put added pressures on the rest of the family when two members are not speaking and are angry. You mention other siblings, and I'd encourage you to consider what positions they are gonna get put in if you and your sister are on bad terms.

Having SAID that, sometimes people are just SO toxic that you can't get past it, and maintaining contact with them only breeds more anger and more pain--for you and for everyone else.

ONLY you can decide where this relationship rests, and only you two can sort it out (if that's possible.)

Peace to you.

Laura

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So last night I told my oldest sister not to contact me anymore [View all] coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 OP

That's too bad :( shenmue Mar 2013 #1

Please mend with your things up fitman Mar 2013 #16

Why Should She Try to Mend Things With Her Sister? dballance Mar 2013 #150

I agree. I am estranged from my family I have no regrets. I plan on pissing on my fathers grave Katashi_itto Mar 2013 #193

I'm sorry you are fighting with your sister over politics. nt ZombieHorde Mar 2013 #2

+1 on that. nt TheBlackAdder Mar 2013 #9

I think that's a sad thing, I can understand the arguments over weddings and stuff like that Autumn Mar 2013 #3

I hope your and the rest of your family remain close, and i hope one day your sister & you can peacebird Mar 2013 #4

I all would say... snooper2 Mar 2013 #5

This sounds like more than politics. Raine1967 Mar 2013 #6

Well, you've surely heard of Irish Alzheimer's Warpy Mar 2013 #7

Here's to Irish tempers coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #90

hello Aerows Mar 2013 #200

Such an unfortunate situation etherealtruth Mar 2013 #8

True believers never change, just adapt. Try asking why she believes that CK_John Mar 2013 #10

Life's too short to suffer stupid people. Some of the great myths of our dominant culture is that Egalitarian Thug Mar 2013 #11

Unfortunately, I must agree with you, Egalitarian Thug. Awknid Mar 2013 #92

I don't have to worry about this sister coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #103

Teabagger brother and wife same way sigmasix Mar 2013 #159

same here... chillfactor Mar 2013 #114

+1. Family is who you chose, not who you have a misfortune (sometimes) to share DNA with. idwiyo Mar 2013 #111

I hate to hear that. My family is mainly rightwingnuts. Honeycombe8 Mar 2013 #12

Avoid discussing politics with her LeftInTX Mar 2013 #13

You're justified in disowning your sister. It's high time for zero-tolerance for right-wingnuttery. ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #14

Agree 100%! LeftofObama Mar 2013 #19

Thank you! coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #27

My brother was an idiot in a different way. He couldn't stay out of other peoples' houses ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #34

I could never understand some of my friends who keep moaning about their various relatives idwiyo Mar 2013 #109

You are blood. Doesn't mean you can't disagree, nor does it mean you accept abuse. davsand Mar 2013 #15

I'm sorry, but "they're blood" is not an excuse for premeditated stupidity. And, with all due ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #29

I agree. I lost 4 of 5 sisters because I am not a racist, bigoted asshole that watches Fux snooze. Mnemosyne Mar 2013 #84

My very closest family members are no blood relation to me at all. And that's just fine with me. eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #85

+ 100 coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #93

Same here. I call them my framily! Mnemosyne Mar 2013 #101

When you are old and need help you won't feel comfortable asking them. dkf Mar 2013 #107

When I need help she wouldn't have been there for me anyway coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #113

They wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire, I am a "liberal". They are spoiled, entitled brats with Mnemosyne Mar 2013 #124

I'm really sorry you had to go through all that coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #129

I am 5 - 15 years older than them, it was my mother's second marriage. I am still in shock at how Mnemosyne Mar 2013 #136

Bullshit. I have friends that ask me to lend them a hand, before they would ask their family. Ikonoklast Mar 2013 #183

On a political level I totally get what you are saying. On a personal level I disagree. davsand Mar 2013 #89

blood may well be keroro gunsou Mar 2013 #172

That's a tough situation mokawanis Mar 2013 #17

public financing is NOT involuntary hfojvt Mar 2013 #18

Thanks for the info n/t coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #23

Let things cool off, but don't cut off contact Freddie Mar 2013 #20

Contact already cut off, too late coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #24

You did the right thing. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you. The idiocy must end. eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #30

If it feels right to you, it is right. easttexaslefty Mar 2013 #82

Yes! You did the right thing. murray hill farm Mar 2013 #179

I understand completely. truebluegreen Mar 2013 #21

Family, friends that you can't choose... RedCappedBandit Mar 2013 #22

Life is too short to suffer fools gladly. avebury Mar 2013 #25

I'm sorry. That is really sad. liberal_at_heart Mar 2013 #26

It is sad. And sadly necessary. Yes, over politics because it is politics that determines ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #33

I can't do that liberal_at_heart Mar 2013 #41

Luckily I don't have to deal with whether or not to disown a family member because, ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #55

Your sister's opinions aside ... former9thward Mar 2013 #28

Don't put words in my mouth coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #66

Words in your mouth? former9thward Mar 2013 #72

this is where you put words in my mouth coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #121

Sorry not me. Wrong sex organs. former9thward Mar 2013 #122

Good for you. n/t Dawgs Mar 2013 #31

That's too bad.... onpatrol98 Mar 2013 #32

Good for you! Who needs family and/or friends? They're WAAAY overrated... cherokeeprogressive Mar 2013 #35

In my case it was the wingnuts who did the disowning Generic Brad Mar 2013 #40

Being called moneychanger and a baby killer aren't the same as unquestioning support of politicians. cherokeeprogressive Mar 2013 #50

First off - sorry for your loss Generic Brad Mar 2013 #91

I see your point. n/t cherokeeprogressive Mar 2013 #174

You didn't notice that this is a lifelong pattern with her sister? tavalon Mar 2013 #153

My brother was a practicing alcoholic for several years dsc Mar 2013 #36

I'm so sorry to hear that... pipi_k Mar 2013 #38

we have been trying dsc Mar 2013 #39

Glad to hear it... pipi_k Mar 2013 #53

My thoughts... pipi_k Mar 2013 #37

I'm sure at some point we'll talk coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #68

I hope pipi_k Mar 2013 #176

I hope so too coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #185

Sorry that you are having Sissyk Mar 2013 #42

I'm not sure I'll speak to her again and it doesn't bother me at all. Leslie Valley Mar 2013 #43

Very perceptive, Leslie. And holding onto anger solves nothing but eats away KittyWampus Mar 2013 #45

I think many people believe pipi_k Mar 2013 #56

It doesn't bother me that I won't see her coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #49

Holding Grudges is very VERY bad for your health. Let it go. Don't ignore the reality but LET IT GO. KittyWampus Mar 2013 #44

I will let it go but I can't talk to her coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #46

Can you just agree to not talk politics? Beaverhausen Mar 2013 #67

It's not just the politics really coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #69

No she won't stop with that hatred coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #98

Do you get along otherwise? BellaLuna Mar 2013 #47

I've tolerated her for a long time because of her children coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #54

She's beyond just the 'agree to disagree' thing then BellaLuna Mar 2013 #61

You should Facebook friend your sister's children. pnwmom Mar 2013 #162

My niece & nephew coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #163

I wonder if she's an active alcoholic? nt raccoon Mar 2013 #184

could be coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #186

I''ve never found any good coming from relationships w/toxic persons. Divernan Mar 2013 #48

For those of you with the sentiment that we shouldn't let politics get between blood relations... ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #51

I'm just not that kind of person liberal_at_heart Mar 2013 #59

Well there ya go... pipi_k Mar 2013 #63

yeah, I try to avoid thinking I KNOW anything. liberal_at_heart Mar 2013 #64

There is a distinct line between what I believe and what they believe. And that line ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #70

That's it right there -- well said coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #74

Once it gets that stupid, it's not about Obama anymore. It's about reality and principle. eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #78

or racism coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #88

Take a break from her treestar Mar 2013 #52

Bush spent an entire YEAR of his 8 years on vacation. Initech Mar 2013 #57

He did. coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #134

I heard a term for it the other day - "Obama Derangement Syndrome". Initech Mar 2013 #135

LOL coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #140

there is only one way to survive this hollysmom Mar 2013 #58

Politics is a lot more important than family - you did the right thing. egduj Mar 2013 #60

To cut off family for such ultimately meaningless reasons is sad. MrSlayer Mar 2013 #62

Very good point---we fight each other instead of the real enemy. Curmudgeoness Mar 2013 #73

They ARE the real enemy. eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #83

I don't think so....they are puppets. Curmudgeoness Mar 2013 #87

I seldom talk politics with friends and relatives. Buzz Clik Mar 2013 #65

I stopped talking to couple family members along time ago after I gave them a warning about idwiyo Mar 2013 #71

Amen to that! Fuck 'em! eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #81

Errrrr, I don't think you'd want to do THAT to THEM. Trust me. :) idwiyo Mar 2013 #108

Life is too short for gratuitous anger, pointless aggravation and unmitigated bullshit hatrack Mar 2013 #75

We haven't really interacted but I knew I liked you =) eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #80

I barely talk to my sister. Only when I can't avoid it pink-o Mar 2013 #76

This particular sister coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #97

Yup. I hear you. I wanted my mother to live forever. pink-o Mar 2013 #100

I like it! n/t coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #104

same here...when my mother died AND my father.... chillfactor Mar 2013 #119

I have to say that "family first" angle only works if BOTH sides agree to steer clear of politics Populist_Prole Mar 2013 #77

I'm surprised calling her a racist didn't cause Bay Boy Mar 2013 #79

Sometimes the shoe just fits too well... nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #96

I didn't call her a racist coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #105

I understand. zentrum Mar 2013 #86

You should try to set some ground rules Marrah_G Mar 2013 #94

Family isn't the same once you lose respect for someone. hay rick Mar 2013 #95

You made the right choice. lbrtbell Mar 2013 #99

Absolutely. dogknob Mar 2013 #126

My suggestion is papa3times Mar 2013 #102

It's very sad that because of politics it comes to something like this. My extended family are repub Raine Mar 2013 #106

There it is again! And I'll say it again... It is POLITICS that drives our future! Acting as if ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #194

! patrice Mar 2013 #110

Thoughts? MadHound Mar 2013 #112

Life is too short coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #117

Family is too precious to let politics tear it asunder. MadHound Mar 2013 #118

It's really done. coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #123

That is so sad, I'm sorry. MadHound Mar 2013 #125

If I saw it as my error or my loss I wouldn't have done it coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #130

Perhaps you should ask yourself why you're not close to your sister. MadHound Mar 2013 #133

My niece will be okay coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #138

Again, politics isn't important enough to come between family. WTH??? Are we supposed to allow ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #195

I hope things get better between you and your sister... SummerSnow Mar 2013 #115

I hate when that happens, *yet* will draw the line every time!1 n/t UTUSN Mar 2013 #116

My thoughts are that it's stupid for any family members to distance themselves over politics. Beacool Mar 2013 #120

You might very well rue the day. She's blood. WinkyDink Mar 2013 #127

It's up to you, of course, Le Taz Hot Mar 2013 #128

answer was pretty popular with ME coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #132

Very wise in my opinion. Thanks. Nt erinlough Mar 2013 #147

A minor detail, just for accuracy BlueStreak Mar 2013 #131

Yes I'm aware of that. coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #141

I know the feeling. I just hope doors aren't permanently closed unnecessarily. BlueStreak Mar 2013 #145

The are shut tight for now coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #165

I have the same problem in my family with my younger brother Samantha Mar 2013 #137

I totally understand your feelings.. virgdem Mar 2013 #139

I lost my friend of over 20 years after Ilsa Mar 2013 #142

Thanks Ilsa coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #144

I had to do the same with my Ilsa Mar 2013 #160

The election was a tipping point in Stargazer09 Mar 2013 #189

The friend complained about Ilsa Mar 2013 #198

Hugs Stargazer09 Mar 2013 #221

Another tiny email exchange coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #143

Sounds like she has somehow gotten sucked into Fox News' alternate reality Proud Liberal Dem Mar 2013 #146

bad move Skittles Mar 2013 #148

Yes! pipi_k Mar 2013 #175

my aunt asked if I was calling her a racist and I flat-out said YES Skittles Mar 2013 #210

Fox news turned my mom, sister, brother, uncle abelenkpe Mar 2013 #149

I hope she eventually comes to her senses. Iggo Mar 2013 #151

Just from the short story and your point of view tavalon Mar 2013 #152

Don't get bookfaced. xfundy Mar 2013 #154

It must be nice to live in a family with such piddly problems! LeftyMom Mar 2013 #155

First of all, I am sorry to hear that things have escalated to the point you two aren't talking davidpdx Mar 2013 #156

I don't think she planned her wedding deliberately coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #164

Ah, I see davidpdx Mar 2013 #169

This is terrible. SamReynolds Mar 2013 #157

I feel so lucky to not have any RWers in my family, Jamaal510 Mar 2013 #158

Q: What's Irish Alzheimer's? A: When ye forget everything but the grudges. Hekate Mar 2013 #161

My sister and I stopped talking years and years ago lunatica Mar 2013 #166

You two need to forget technology and use the phone. IdaBriggs Mar 2013 #167

Another victory for the right wing. Turbineguy Mar 2013 #168

Well... sibelian Mar 2013 #170

My thoughts? LWolf Mar 2013 #171

SMH Mr Dixon Mar 2013 #173

I understand, but it's too much. Smarmie Doofus Mar 2013 #177

not a problem RedstDem Mar 2013 #178

I have never engaged in that kind of petty squabble with any member of my family slackmaster Mar 2013 #180

I had a similar situation with my sister and brother... Javaman Mar 2013 #181

You did what you had to do. Ganja Ninja Mar 2013 #182

I understand you completely. peace13 Mar 2013 #187

thanks Kim coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #191

We started meditation last October... peace13 Mar 2013 #196

much appreciated coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #197

You do what you have to.. fadedrose Mar 2013 #188

Not sure of the origin of this....native american, I think. murray hill farm Mar 2013 #190

thank you - hopefully she gets over her coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #192

I don't talk politics with my older sister. Aerows Mar 2013 #199

I feel like I need a break from my sister, period coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #201

Distance can be a good thing Aerows Mar 2013 #202

Thanks Aerows coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #203

To be frank, I think it's a damn stupid reason to cut off a family member. AngryOldDem Mar 2013 #204

I feel it's temporary and I'm taking a much needed break coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #207

Yeah, sometimes it's good and wise to just take a break. AngryOldDem Mar 2013 #227

Am I invited? H2O Man Mar 2013 #205

Of course silly coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #209

This is going to sound hard, but you should both grow up. badtoworse Mar 2013 #206

see reply 207 coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #208

I wish you luck in rebuilding a relationship badtoworse Mar 2013 #211

this sister though, is not precious to me right now coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #212

That is unfortunate. badtoworse Mar 2013 #213

I hope so too coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #214

Face Palm Time Me. Mar 2013 #215

Thanks me! coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #218

Old Friend Has A Nice Ring To It Me. Mar 2013 #222

We are old friends. Going back to 2004 coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #223

You only get one family. TroglodyteScholar Mar 2013 #216

not just politics coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #219

Why be around people who make you miserable? SunSeeker Mar 2013 #217

thanks for the validation! coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #220

Yes indeed. SunSeeker Mar 2013 #225

we got ourselves one very annoyed pig coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #228

Sounds you don't like 'er. People should have to be around other people that they lonestarnot Mar 2013 #224

I have gone through the same situation with my sister. I cannot be around her side of the family Lint Head Mar 2013 #226

I agree coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #229

Stay away from her and go your own way and stay close to sane members of your bluestate10 Mar 2013 #230

willful ignorance of the facts coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #231

From what you wrote and from what I've read of your past posts, I think... BlueJazz Mar 2013 #232

I don't know if anyone will see this since this thread is so old . . . . coeur_de_lion Mar 2013 #233