General Discussion

MineralMan

(151,345 posts)

8. People tend to take grudges away from the places

Thu Mar 21, 2013, 04:44 PM

Mar 2013

where the grudges began and put them out in public, where people don't even know the other people. Things get distorted. Stuff gets left out. And shit happens.

It has happened to me. Someone on a discussion forum who did not like me for one reason or another called one of my clients, after sifting around and finding out my real life name. I don't even attempt to be anonymous, so it was easy. Anyhow, the person contacted my client and told him that he should quit working with me because "he is a liar and an asshole." My client gave me a heads up about it, and laughed. Now, I know who that person was, based on the other things said to my client, but I would never, ever bring it up or name anyone. It was a stupid move to do that. It was wrong to do that.

If you have a bone to pick with someone, pick that bone on common ground. Don't take it public. It's as likely to embarrass you as it is to cause problems for the other person. And there it is.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

294 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Woman who gets man fired for penis joke, gets fired herself [View all] LittleBlue Mar 2013 OP

there's a difference between light-hearted jokes and harrassment Skittles Mar 2013 #1

Thank you.. sendero Mar 2013 #150

If they had not wanted us to make jokes about dongles they should have named them CBGLuthier Mar 2013 #2

Both my wife and I refer to USB thumb drives as "dongles." MineralMan Mar 2013 #5

Two people lost their jobs over nonsense. MineralMan Mar 2013 #3

It was at a Python conference...what do you expect? Xithras Mar 2013 #253

Good. LuvNewcastle Mar 2013 #4

It's petty people like her that make society a horrible place to live... Generation_Why Mar 2013 #6

People tend to take grudges away from the places MineralMan Mar 2013 #8

Here is her blog post. Paul E Ester Mar 2013 #7

*sigh!* All of this HappyMe Mar 2013 #9

SendGrid Fires Company Evangelist After Twitter Fracas Paul E Ester Mar 2013 #10

That's why some are wondering if it's a hoax LittleBlue Mar 2013 #11

No, a warning to the joke teller would have sufficed Warpy Mar 2013 #12

The accusation that she "got him fired" is dishonest. redqueen Mar 2013 #15

SEE? SHE REALLY *IS* JOAN OF ARC! Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #29

Also Joan of Arc The Evangelist! NBachers Mar 2013 #142

I'd make an Arc joke Gore1FL Mar 2013 #160

Yes, the company overreacted and she beame a lightning rod Warpy Mar 2013 #36

Watch it now... redqueen Mar 2013 #41

Enough of this kind of bullshit goes on Warpy Mar 2013 #42

... reminds me of when one of my friends wrote an article and mistyped "floppy disk testers" as RKP5637 Mar 2013 #76

Now that's funny! Warpy Mar 2013 #79

"floppy dick" is funny, but "dongle" is offensive? Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #139

"Dongle" jokes, done repeatedly Warpy Mar 2013 #210

From the OP: "apparently made a joke" ... see that letter "a"? Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #234

Way back in the 14th century Le Taz Hot Mar 2013 #112

... RKP5637 Mar 2013 #121

Oh, sure, I bet you'd rather pay for the full version of MS Word. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #140

If she had acted like a grown up and an equal... Melon_Lord Mar 2013 #45

She's had prior incidents LittleBlue Mar 2013 #52

If I understand the arc of the story (with or without Joan) she was fired for making penis jokes.... MADem Mar 2013 #138

Interesting. Thanks for posting n/t deutsey Mar 2013 #192

High maintenance female evangelist... Dryvinwhileblind Mar 2013 #70

Oh, please union_maid Mar 2013 #113

I AGREE Skittles Mar 2013 #235

This message was self-deleted by its author Phillip McCleod Mar 2013 #170

The venue had rules against such beavis and buttheaddery. Therefore she had a right not to hear it. redqueen Mar 2013 #171

This message was self-deleted by its author Phillip McCleod Mar 2013 #172

Yes, minimize it. Ignore that it wasn't the first time she heard such 'jokes' at a tech conference redqueen Mar 2013 #174

Wow. Person "A" sitting in the audience says something to Person "B" Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #206

They were sitting IN THE FUCKING AUDIENCE, and she tweeted their picture. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #201

Not actually prudish. She has no problem with penis jokes as long as she is making them. DanTex Mar 2013 #209

That's what I read too. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #223

She didn't just complain on Twitter. DanTex Mar 2013 #178

I put that in the category of suspending a kid because he brought lemon drops to school. MissMarple Mar 2013 #13

Business nowadays is to blame ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #80

"She refers to herself as "Joan of Arc" protecting the workplace from sexism." UnrepentantLiberal Mar 2013 #14

Just so people know the context LittleBlue Mar 2013 #16

There are people who mistake themselves for the cause they purport to advocate for, when this patrice Mar 2013 #30

Very cogent reply jollyreaper2112 Mar 2013 #68

Wow, things really spiraled out of control. backscatter712 Mar 2013 #17

I doubt she expected that he would be fired. redqueen Mar 2013 #22

And I'm certain she was happy when she learned she got someone fired tabasco Mar 2013 #260

You weren't the only one thinking that. mwooldri Mar 2013 #104

For the non-technical people Sgent Mar 2013 #18

Thank you for that! jorno67 Mar 2013 #19

Thanks! I just had to go read the wiki on "developer evangelist" as well - although petronius Mar 2013 #33

Although that works in this context Sgent Mar 2013 #40

You can bet that pissing off developers is not in the job description for "developer evangelist"..nt Paul E Ester Mar 2013 #48

And ... when it comes to forking and spawning child processes too! And then RKP5637 Mar 2013 #74

Technical meaning for this use of fork. backscatter712 Mar 2013 #107

No, it was fork in the sense of version control Recursion Mar 2013 #180

argo fork yourself Skittles Mar 2013 #237

You can't be too serious in this day and age... Blanks Mar 2013 #20

She did this for sport, because she could Mopar151 Mar 2013 #21

"Social Justice Warriors" Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #27

hahaha!!! perfect!! opiate69 Mar 2013 #89

Bwahahah! lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #193

Exactly. She is the problem here. Demo_Chris Mar 2013 #284

First time I heard my wife say "I need to order a dongle for work" I laughed for 15 minutes. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #23

Same thing happened to me but with my husband. RiffRandell Mar 2013 #251

She didn't "get him fired". redqueen Mar 2013 #24

As far as the story goes, she overheard one sexual innuendo that was not Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #31

No, she already had a discussion with another man about why such talk was inappropriate. redqueen Mar 2013 #39

I thought she has also made penis jokes on her twitter feed Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #44

She made the TSA crotch-groping joke on her public twitter feed. At that conference. Recursion Mar 2013 #181

What rules apply to what can be said on Twitter? redqueen Mar 2013 #186

When your twitter feed is the main component of your job? Whatever your company says Recursion Mar 2013 #187

How was it not wrong to post the guys' pictures? DanTex Mar 2013 #190

Whatever it takes Recursion Mar 2013 #250

I didn't know her Twitter feed was work-related. redqueen Mar 2013 #191

If your intent is that theKed Mar 2013 #198

So her increased level of annoyance enlightenment Mar 2013 #228

No. I think she overreacted. redqueen Mar 2013 #231

Okay. enlightenment Mar 2013 #242

"I think the whole thing spun out of rationality early." That's Twitter for you. apnu Mar 2013 #214

That's a good point gollygee Mar 2013 #233

True that (nt) apnu Mar 2013 #240

What? "Making sexual innuendos on your own blog" is fine, but LTX Mar 2013 #155

You find it insulting that I can differentiate between places where there are restrictions on speech redqueen Mar 2013 #161

Fascinating. LTX Mar 2013 #168

Depressing. redqueen Mar 2013 #176

Make up your mind. Is Joan of Arc a righeous crusader for workplace virtue or did the boss do it? lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #194

Seriously? NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #205

I guess we'll have to change 142 million pieces of documentation snooper2 Mar 2013 #25

Put your dongle back where it belongs demwing Mar 2013 #32

Those aren't dongles. They are gender changers. AtheistCrusader Mar 2013 #46

well now your just bragging demwing Mar 2013 #54

Live by the sword, die by the sword. (Um, I don't mean "sword" as euphemism.) Bucky Mar 2013 #26

Firing for this is too harsh Downtown Hound Mar 2013 #28

yeah, that's about the sum of it. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #294

Ugh jollyreaper2112 Mar 2013 #34

Not to go too deep into things, but it's kind of enough to know a few things JVS Mar 2013 #57

that's what think is enough because it confirms your own BainsBane Mar 2013 #95

You are ascribing views to me in order to confirm your biases. JVS Mar 2013 #108

He lost his job BainsBane Mar 2013 #269

"that's what think is enough because it confirms" snooper2 Mar 2013 #135

A 'serial offender'? Was he a murderer, rapist, bank robber? How do you mean 'he was a serial sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #262

No one should have been fired here, period. (n/m) ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #35

The first guy's company has said it wasn't just this Recursion Mar 2013 #37

Amazing that that little factoid isn't mentioned in the OP. redqueen Mar 2013 #47

She overheard a comment and over reacted. Jenoch Mar 2013 #117

Where did you draw that from? ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #56

Some Python blog (I vaguely know most of these people) Recursion Mar 2013 #73

I didn't gather that from their statement. tammywammy Mar 2013 #58

Wow!! How horrific! The guy makes bad jokes. Why isn't he in jail? Surely this must be against sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #264

Be extremely careful when posting anything about your company over social media. Incitatus Mar 2013 #38

Oh, hell no riqster Mar 2013 #62

Is "forking a dongle" really ok on DU? Paul E Ester Mar 2013 #43

Dongle = penis? edbermac Mar 2013 #49

In her warped mind it is krawhitham Mar 2013 #252

This blogger OVERHEARD a comment. It was a comment Jenoch Mar 2013 #50

Chances of it unfolding as described are highly unlikely BainsBane Mar 2013 #51

His job search is doing to be difficult, methinks. AtheistCrusader Mar 2013 #55

Maybe, maybe not. mwooldri Mar 2013 #102

I think he'll find a job pretty quickly. She, otoh, will probably find it hard to get a job.. sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #265

This ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #61

My 85 year old MIL just read this and in a deadpan voice said and I quote uselessobot Mar 2013 #53

Ms. Richards on dating Paul E Ester Mar 2013 #60

Zzzzz.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #67

Couldn't get past the first five minutes Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #71

I watched it, it only confirms uselessobots hunch...nt Paul E Ester Mar 2013 #78

I randomly clicked on what was about 10 minutes in, and... TreasonousBastard Mar 2013 #152

She doesn't date because of past "drama"? LittleBlue Mar 2013 #72

Hmm... davidthegnome Mar 2013 #91

Self absorbed obsessive compulsive is more apt. Puglover Mar 2013 #149

This message was self-deleted by its author Puglover Mar 2013 #217

Mrs. Goldstein watched, and says she'd not make a good Pope MannyGoldstein Mar 2013 #129

I LOLed at the part where she talked about how one guy yammered on and on about himself. EOTE Mar 2013 #245

she "likes tall guys"... HEY! THAT! IS! OBJECTIFICATION!!!!!!!! Come on, chant with me! Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #268

I hate when women act so childishly. SamReynolds Mar 2013 #59

Huh, I didn't think we were at a point Cal Carpenter Mar 2013 #159

Thanks for calling that out. Huge tell right there. nt redqueen Mar 2013 #163

No problem, I kinda couldn't believe Cal Carpenter Mar 2013 #189

It is sad... zaireeka Mar 2013 #173

P.S. zaireeka Mar 2013 #177

That's true. "Childish" should only describe Adria... and her cheerleaders. n/t lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #197

I did no such thing. SamReynolds Mar 2013 #261

Many people really need to chill out! This, is ridiculous. Frankly, I'm pleased she RKP5637 Mar 2013 #63

Oh that the job market would improve immensely treestar Mar 2013 #64

Joan of Arc? Really? Apophis Mar 2013 #65

No offense but this woman wouldn't survive in an office full of GIs. I can tell you southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #66

You better edit, quick ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #69

Thanks I just didn't catch it. Glad you did. southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #75

That's probably still not good enough ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #82

You have a point. But lets see for now. southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #83

It's a festering swamp of teeming giant dongles! Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #96

Wow. That's absurd. Spider Jerusalem Mar 2013 #244

It was just some advice, I'm not an alerter ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #247

Excellent point about how she could have corrected the behavior in situ . . . but chose patrice Mar 2013 #85

And the man wouldn't have lost his job. What a stupid woman. Karma comes back at southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #92

All of us need to ask ourselves, in every way, what's more important: ridicule? or learning? nt patrice Mar 2013 #109

Good point. I bet both of them wished they could take that day back. southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #110

I think that would be a beautiful thing if they could. nt patrice Mar 2013 #211

certainly would. nt southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #213

She wasn't working with GIs BainsBane Mar 2013 #88

She should of handled it on a personal matter. Then if the man kept it up then report him. southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #94

The man was a serial offender BainsBane Mar 2013 #97

Whatever. I am not on trial here. Forget. southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #101

I did not mean to put you on trial. BainsBane Mar 2013 #125

All I was trying to say that I have seen with my own eyes women using salty language like southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #151

If your son was in as much danger of being sufrommich Mar 2013 #169

On what do you base your claim this man is a serial offender? Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #123

Recursion says he knows the people involved BainsBane Mar 2013 #126

No, I don't think that's accurate DisgustipatedinCA Mar 2013 #134

that's what I took from post 37 BainsBane Mar 2013 #137

I don't know him personally; I've interacted with most of these people on Python mailing lists Recursion Mar 2013 #182

somehow I always knew BainsBane Mar 2013 #226

Ive never heard of "dongle" before darkangel218 Mar 2013 #77

That's a temporary license to use a software. DetlefK Mar 2013 #154

Originally and today they were devices to prevent piracy CBGLuthier Mar 2013 #227

Well, she would have a hell of a time as an electrician where they use butt connectors! n/t RKP5637 Mar 2013 #81

Don't forget secondvariety Mar 2013 #86

LOL! And then we've got the old knob and tube wiring! And telco with butt end testers! RKP5637 Mar 2013 #99

Believe it or not, I recently brought a new line of cock hole covers into my department NBachers Mar 2013 #145

Do you have some "pet cocks" too? LOL RKP5637 Mar 2013 #166

Don't forget your "Dykes" yourout Mar 2013 #127

Yep! Sometimes I call them side cutters now depending where I'm at ... we used to RKP5637 Mar 2013 #162

butt connectors, those are nothing compared to my old snooper2 Mar 2013 #136

... RKP5637 Mar 2013 #164

"Unit" Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #143

Great!!! RKP5637 Mar 2013 #165

Rigging on tall ships has c**t splices Recursion Mar 2013 #185

Wow!!! I never knew that ... I learn something new on DU every day! n/t RKP5637 Mar 2013 #200

I'm glad I work in the field. secondvariety Mar 2013 #84

She should have never posted the guy's picture to begin with RedCappedBandit Mar 2013 #87

Yeah really. JVS Mar 2013 #132

A crusader in her own mind quinnox Mar 2013 #90

My first question was... Union Scribe Mar 2013 #263

work place rules 4Q2u2 Mar 2013 #93

You mean the "TALL" guys. That's as far as I could get NBachers Mar 2013 #146

The Venturebeat article says she's now getting sufrommich Mar 2013 #98

4chan AngryAmish Mar 2013 #158

This story is a Rorschach test BainsBane Mar 2013 #100

isn't everything? Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #103

That's Slash! ismnotwasm Mar 2013 #111

I know. Paging Elad! Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #118

Perhaps. JVS Mar 2013 #114

How could you post such an obscene graphic on DU? guardian Mar 2013 #203

They'd hide it too BainsBane Mar 2013 #225

Another view ismnotwasm Mar 2013 #105

So she nerd shames a couple of guys for lifetime of frustrations? union_maid Mar 2013 #115

Well bless your heart. ismnotwasm Mar 2013 #116

That wouldn't be a microaggression, would it? EOTE Mar 2013 #215

It's their latest thing. sibelian Mar 2013 #278

I hear ya! pacalo Mar 2013 #124

"a lifetime of microaggressions" sibelian Mar 2013 #122

Are you unfamiliar with the concept? redqueen Mar 2013 #148

would you consider getting fired from your job over a "dongle" joke Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #144

No, that's a macroaggression. EOTE Mar 2013 #216

You don't have to be dismissive of microaggressions to find what she did to be way out of line. DanTex Mar 2013 #184

+1 deutsey Mar 2013 #188

+1 uponit7771 Mar 2013 #255

What a stupid mess. DanTex Mar 2013 #106

That's the tragedy here jollyreaper2112 Mar 2013 #119

That attention meant she could no longer be effective at her job jeff47 Mar 2013 #207

And she exposed how effective she is at her job in front of the world. dkf Mar 2013 #277

Moral of the story: technology is not always your friend. Beacool Mar 2013 #120

Nitpick - this was not at his work place jeff47 Mar 2013 #208

Maybe so, but if it's related to one's job it's the same. Beacool Mar 2013 #243

Driving my blood center bus one day three women riding with me brewens Mar 2013 #128

I have a good friend, a woman, who was fired for making an off-color... Hassin Bin Sober Mar 2013 #241

"Python"? Really? Sounds like some sort of ding-a-ling joke. MannyGoldstein Mar 2013 #130

The racist posts on her facebook page are deplorable.. HipChick Mar 2013 #131

Maybe we should change the names of Dongles. I thought maybe he opened a door for her The Straight Story Mar 2013 #133

You know, I actually thought the Dongles were okay. Their lead singer was kind of hot. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #141

no, that's the "Dangles" not the "Bangles"... n/t Locrian Mar 2013 #153

Still is... DanTex Mar 2013 #167

What bullshit. lonestarnot Mar 2013 #147

Indeed n/t deutsey Mar 2013 #156

I don't know what to think gollygee Mar 2013 #157

The issue is not just sexism at the tech conference. It is also public shaming of DanTex Mar 2013 #175

She would fit right in with the umbrage brigade around here. Exultant Democracy Mar 2013 #179

LOL. Yup, pretty much. NT EOTE Mar 2013 #212

As a woman, I sure wouldn't want to work with her mainer Mar 2013 #183

I guess I don't understand - is "big dongle" a sexual reference?? cbdo2007 Mar 2013 #195

Yes, but it contains the word "dong" as well. EOTE Mar 2013 #220

When I first read it, I thought he was on the stage. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #273

great blog on the issue, with a bit of her history geek_sabre Mar 2013 #196

Excellent post. n/t lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #199

So basically, this is someone who spends all their time running around looking for things to get Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #204

Yes. It's like the "opening doors for women is benevolent sexism" thing. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #222

I wonder what her username is? Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #236

I wondered the exact same thing, Warren. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #274

I read a bunch of blogs about the incident, and tblue37 Mar 2013 #276

Did anyone open a door for her? NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #202

Maybe? Puglover Mar 2013 #218

She had a right to tweet about it. But NOT to ID him. mainer Mar 2013 #219

Stupid people get what they deserve the most. Rex Mar 2013 #221

the nerds have begun feeding on each other....this is bad....nt Evasporque Mar 2013 #224

A perspective from a woman in the dev community who's worked with Adria. backscatter712 Mar 2013 #229

Interesting article. I feel bad for everyone harmed by this. nt. polly7 Mar 2013 #230

Just FYI, she doesn't consider herself a feminist. redqueen Mar 2013 #232

...time to distance from her? Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #238

Her cause is claiming sexist BS and getting random strangers fired Demo_Chris Mar 2013 #285

Well she's getting rape and death threats now so redqueen Mar 2013 #287

I do not approve of that, but that's the internet, it brings out the worst in people... Demo_Chris Mar 2013 #288

Yeah, it's totally her fault. Totally. redqueen Mar 2013 #289

I already said I do not approve of those comments Demo_Chris Mar 2013 #290

"SHE'S the one who took it there. She wanted the attention and now she has it. " redqueen Mar 2013 #291

Public opinion, usually a fair judge of these things, is against her Demo_Chris Mar 2013 #292

That's why this sort of over-the-top "social justice warrior" behavior is a guaranteed win-win. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #293

This whole conversation about her here and elsewhere sufrommich Mar 2013 #239

Excellent post. redqueen Mar 2013 #246

Very well said sufrommich. MoclipsHumptulips Mar 2013 #248

And this blog, by a woman in the field, says she's just a whackadoodle ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2013 #249

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN OVERREACTION! EVAH! Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #258

+1 uponit7771 Mar 2013 #256

translation: This makes people who complain about things like "dongle" jokes look like petty tyrants Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #257

Absolutely. BainsBane Mar 2013 #270

First of all, there was no sexism or mysogyny related to the original Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #271

You know, if engineers got fired every time they made social faux-pas... MannyGoldstein Mar 2013 #254

It could also explain the collapse of our technology to a new stone age. JVS Mar 2013 #266

It's all about power with some people tabasco Mar 2013 #259

She's going to parlay this into a career as an internet Klaxon, no doubt. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #267

Yep! Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #272

The collective has her name now. I suspect she is about to start hating life n/t Demo_Chris Mar 2013 #286

I hear tell that AMC is having a problem with Jon Hamm's dongle Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #275

And here I sit, still two months away from getting my dongle management degree from DeVry. Kurovski Mar 2013 #279

Apparently, all you need is a good pair of boxers to tame one of those suckers. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #280

Sure, that's what Hanes, Inc. WANTS you to believe. Kurovski Mar 2013 #281

The Fruit-Loom-Industrial Complex. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #282

And now...you are on their list Kurovski Mar 2013 #283