I want to thank every DUer who has survived/endured sexual assault and discussed it here.

[salin]

4. There has been a cost.

Back in oct or nov. 2012 when these threads began (and in my decade as a member - I have never had my rape survivor experience conflict with my participation at DU.) I participated - and while I recognize that the support shown is very strong - the experience has left me - by some of the responses (including threads that could have been written by the person who raped me per the content and type of excuses) lasted for days (or weeks) and were never locked - per DU juries. That reality amplified the voice of those who were not speaking - not the survivors voice, nor the voice of survivors. It amplified the voice of those who state positions that are more aligned in sympathizing with those who rape than with those who have been victimized by rape.

I have been an active participant at DU for more than a decade. In this period I have stopped being a star member. After every two weeks or so I reconsider. Then another thread appears - where a minority voice makes arguments that perpetuate arguments that subtlety endorse mindsets that rationalize the behavior of those who have committed (or will commit in the future.)

I engaged some of those discussions. And then I became so appalled (not by the majority of posts, but by those appalling OPs and posts that were allowed to stand by DU juries that justified such events (ala: it is so *hard* for men to know where the line between sex and rape lies - or the claim that false accusations of rape are as common as - or more common than actual rapes) that I have let my star slide.

I am no longer traumatized by my rape (it was a long time ago.) But like most survivors, I have two lives that are distinct: life before rape and life after rape - because the emotional, psychological and physiological effects are profound enough that how one experiences life before the event and after the event are permanently altered. For me, after all of the intervening years, and with help along the way, I no longer experiences the effects of PTS. However, I have lived the reality of the findings of studies that many rape survivors have distinct life phases: life before rape and life after rape.

Reading posts that are either dismissive of the damage wreaked on rape victims, or those that rationalize the mindset of those who rape (including an extreme case where committing multiple rapes decades ago), or those that dwell upon the damage done to those accused of rape (often followed by implied claims that false accusations are far more frequent than actual rapes), is bad enough. Worse is that juries of my peers - vote to let these stand. On many threads/posts. Not the majority, but a silent minority of DUers who are not willing to go public with their sympathetic views to those who commit rape - but those who will anonymously vote on juries to let these posts/threads stand.

My point, getting engaged enough in some of these conversations has had a cost for at least this survivor. While I have had disagreements with other DUers on very emotional issues (ex. the initial days of the War on Iraq - I saw it as fraudulent - others came to that realization later), this five month discussion has distanced me from DU.