When a member of a minority group doesn't agree with advocacy groups, whose opinion has more weight?

[Poll_Blind]

6. How do you determine who has the "better" argument when, for instance, a member...

...of a minority refers to themselves using a term defined as derogatory by the advocacy group?

I've run into this specific thing a lot with members of my community who are also LGBTQ. When a transgender person proudly refers to themselves as a "tranny" or a gay man refers to himself as a "fag" or to his female friend as his "fag hag", some of those words being defined explicitly as anti-gay by GLAAD, who has the better argument to claim a position to make an authoritative judgement on the term's use?

This goes much farther than LGBTQ. I've known Italian Americans who referred to themselves as "wops" and quite a bit as "dago", which I believe are both defined as offensive by Italian American advocacy groups. That experience was years ago in a different part of the country and I have no idea if the term is still used so frequently.

Anyway, back to the point. So...how do you evaluate cases like that?

PB