I wrote on DU last week that my husband

[Warpy]

102. I am so sorry for your loss

You do need to know that alternative treatments do not work. If they did, they'd be mainstream treatment.

What has been found in the past year is that patients who get palliative (comfort only) care for aggressive cancers do outlive patients who want everything done and endure chemotherapy and/or radiation. This doesn't mean that some cancers can't be cured; of course they can. The problem is that a lot of oncologists consider themselves white knights doing battle and blow smoke up a family's collective butt about how effective the treatments are for a number of cancers there is little hope of curing.

After they found the brain mets, your husband should have been offered hospice care immediately. The NP was right, the feeding tube would only have prolonged death, not given him an extra chance at life, although her delivery was crap.

I agree that your husband should have been followed a bit more closely. However, care is being dictated by bloodless MBAs running insurance companies and a lot of us have been getting substandard care. The doctor's hands were likely tied since the margins were clear and he thought he'd gotten it all.

Again, I'm so sorry you lost him. Know that it will get better with time, although I don't know whether the pain lessens or we just get used to it. It just does get better.