no more, no less. a pediatrician looks at ALL parents as POTENTIAL abusers.

[MineralMan]

252. No, there's no easy way to tell, you're right.

In all forms of abuse. Adults have the advantage of experience, and are generally better judges of the abuse potential of an individual, depending on the amount of time they have known and observed that individual. Pretty much every adult I know has some sort of minimum standards they use to set the time required to form such judgments. They're not usually formal standards, but are based on a number of factors. Some people, obviously, are better able to judge than others, for various reasons.

Children neither have developed that judgment, nor do they usually have any opportunity to avoid people who might be risky, especially if those people are part of their family. Because of that, they are especially vulnerable to abuse by family members. The common warnings to avoid solitary contact with strangers are necessary for children, since they do not have the experience needed to make accurate assessments, even after long contact with non-family members.

Fortunately for both children or adults, the actual low percentages of people who are abusive work in their favor. Most parents never abuse their children, and other family members pretty much fit the same percentages. Children expect to be, and usually are safe with close family members. When they are not, we hope that others who are able to recognize abuse issues do recognize them and report them. That's why teachers, pediatricians and others who come into contact with children are mandatory reporters. Sadly, not all mandatory reporters have the training to detect abuse properly.

For adults, there aren't really any mandatory reporters, although there have been attempts to create that class. Doctors, law enforcement, and others are expected to try to recognize and report abuse, but often do not witness the abuse, and so much abuse gets missed. Again, most people are not abusers, and most relationships between adults are not abusive. But, adults, like children, still need to watch for signs of potential abuse, and most adults have some criteria for detecting the potential for abuse in the people they meet. Sadly, those criteria often aren't accurate, and some abusers are expert at masking tell-tale signs.

The bottom line is that abuse happens, and it happens too frequently. So, criteria for detecting potential abuse has to be constantly fine-tuned. For many people, with regard to relationships, there are time criteria they use to avoid situations where abuse might occur until they have observed the person in safer surroundings. Often, those time criteria are too short to be effective, however, and the potential for abuse is not detected in time to avoid the actual abuse.

What to do? Ideally, every person would be taught and learn never to abuse another person. That's a great goal, and everyone should be involved in making it a reality. Failing that, and we will always be failing that, observation over time and avoidance of situations where abuse is more likely to occur is the best defense.

When it comes to sexual relationships, the boundaries are fuzzy for detecting and avoiding potential abuse. The problem isn't strangers, so much, since we can take precautions to avoid situations involving strangers. It is those people with whom we choose to associate in a sexual relationship who are the most likely to become abusive. This is an area that is available for modification, I think. Better understanding of human behavior and better awareness of signals that a potential abuser may display seem to be useful things to study. Humans are weird, though, and sometimes tend to be attracted to people who may turn out not to be ideal when it comes to sexual relationships. It's a real problem, and one for which I have no clue of a solution.