Next Step in Kansas: Life Begins at Menarche

[MineralMan]

5. I Forgot to Mention Men and Boys

They'll be covered by this new law, too, I'm sure, when it is proposed.

At the onset of puberty, boys will be registered with the Pregnancy Maintenance Administration. This registration will apply throughout their lifetime. At the time the legislation takes effect, all men will be required to register with the PMA within 30 days, and all men moving into Kansas must register within 24 hours of arrival.

The law prohibits all instances of masturbation by pubescent boys and men. To prevent loss of viable sperm cells due to this abhorrent practice, all men who do not have a fertile wife will report to their PMA facility for semen donations on a weekly basis. Semen will be collected using specially designed electrical prostate gland stimulation.

Semen collected by the PMA will be combined into the PMA Universal Sperm Bank stockpile, for use in case of war or natural disaster. In the case of war or natural disaster, all non-pregnant women in Kansas will be fertilized with semen from the PMA Universal Sperm Bank immediately at the first fertile time, based on their monthly menstruation calendar. Recognizing the importance of producing as many new Kansans in the case of these emergencies, the PMA Universal Sperm Bank will maintain fresh stocks of semen on a weekly basis. Mixing is performed to eliminate paternity lawsuits against mandatory donors.