a girl in my nieces school is pregnant.

[IdaBriggs]

51. I get it: you are looking to make sure your own daughters don't end up pregnant inappropriately.

And by "inappropriately" I mean:

1) When they should be concentrating on completing their basic education;
2) Before they have established a position of financial stability; and
3) Without the benefit of a mature, supportive, nurturing and loving partnership.

If you can figure out where to apportion "blame" then you have a chance of "doing something" to prevent your own offspring from being one of these "bad statistics" (where young girls and their children end up condemned to a lifetime of poverty and bad relationships due to a lack of education and opportunities that would have been available if they had opted to "delay gratification" until a more appropriate time in their lives - preferably after they have graduated college, begun satisfying careers, and met a partner capable of being a positive example to your future grandchildren, for example/among other easy obvious things).

And yes, every situation is different, and not everyone's life is "ruined" forever by these early bad decisions, but the reason it is a cliche is because *MOST* are going to come down on the wrong side of those statistics, especially with the failings of our social safety nets.]

But if you expect most of the people who are going to respond to you to actually offer insights, personal experiences, or actual useful information/thoughts, you haven't been paying attention to the DU "tsk, tsk" patrol.

Most of the responses you are going to get will be in the "how dare you judge?" and "cluck-cluck-none of your business!" variety, with at least half a dozen, "this is a made-up story, and you are trolling!" tossed in for good measure.

For myself, I advise a serious sit-down with your daughter to discuss "how" babies are made, the expectations for levels of intimacy that are "acceptable" in a relationship (per you and your family mores) at different stages in her life, how you are going to "protect her" from being put in positions where someone can pressure/persuade her to cross over those lines before she is ready (the cruelty of a parent who randomly drug tests can often be used as an excuse NOT to try illegal drugs before college, for example, and if you don't meet the parents chaperoning any party your child attends/pick her up at an early hour, you are a moron), why what she sees on television isn't how things go in real life, what her/your hopes/dreams/goals for her life are, and how you are all working to make sure she achieves them, and then crazy stuff like making sure she has a good relationship with her parents / has some kind of positive fun experience with them every week, which automatically will lessen her time to build sex-based relationships with people who she might feel inclined to please because they make her feel loved/included (when she is getting it from her family), etc.

Adolescence is a tough time; she will be doing the "hormone mood change" and need loving/nurturing while she may not always be the most pleasant person to deal with - you need to make sure you keep the lines of communication open, while clearly not being a friend, because you are a parent; families that sit down to dinner together (not in front of the television) statistically do better at graduating their children from high school without unplanned pregnancy, but "every child is different" and the joke about "how can you tell a teenager is lying/they are moving their lips" has some unpleasant truths for many (which is why you may wish to join the 'no sleepover' club now); keeping her active outside of school (sports, dance, animal shelter) will also help - you want her to see that there is more to life than a sexual relationship.

If it doesn't offend, I recommend reading some of the *excellent* advice put out there by the Church of Latter-Day Saints (disclaimer: I am *NOT* a member) on how to make sure "family" is a bunch of people you want to be around for eternity. They have been promoting "sitting down for dinner together" and "weekly home evenings (where the family spends an evening together once a week with different members picking the activities)" for years before it was popular; of course, if you go Muslim, no dating ever - so, woo hoo?

Good luck!