A Confession: I have broken the rules. [View all]

[MineralMan]

My conscience has required me to make a public confession as a means of partially atoning for my misdeed.

Two years ago, my wife and I visited the Minnesota Zoo. It is a rather nice zoo, although the enclosures are large enough, and have enough hiding places, that it's not uncommon to walk a good distance on its trails and not see any animals at all. Those unseen animals, however, are probably watching the human visitors, which calls into question who is actually in a cage. But, that is not the point of my confession.

During our visit, we approached an enclosure for the Zoo's exhibit of Moose. The trail led to a very nicely built wooden observation platform. Since I make a point of looking about in all directions, I could not help noticing a prominently displayed sign, with lettering that met the ADA requirements for font size, and included braille lettering as well. It read, "DO NOT TOUCH THE MOOSE!"

Shortly after I read the sign, what should appear but the head of a very large male moose. Its head was extended over the railing of the observation platform, right next to where I was standing. I was struck by the sheer size of this animal and its head, but was not fearful, even when the moose nudged my arm with its nose, its hot breath tangible on my bare skin.

It repeated this nudging behavior. I considered the behavior for a moment, noting that the moose was touching me, and wondering if that was allowed by the rules of the zoo. That was the moment that I offended by violating the clear order on the sign. I lifted my arm, moved it over the moose's head and firmly scritched the moose between its rather large ears. The moose grunted, so I stopped, and began to withdraw my arm. Unexpectedly, the moose bumped my hand upward with its nose. Familiar with that behavior from my cats, I took it as an invitation to repeat the scritching. I repeated it several times, and the moose grunted in response each time.

While I was engaging in this prohibited behavior, a mother with two young children walked onto the observation platform. The children observed my quasi-illegal behavior and approached the place where I was standing. The mother, however, in a stern command voice said, "THE SIGN SAYS DO NOT TOUCH THE MOOSE! DO NOT DO WHAT THAT MAN IS DOING!" That was when I realized that I had offended greatly. Hanging my head in shame, I left the observation platform with my wife.

To compensate for my offense, I later sent a donation to the Minnesota Zoo, but my guilt was not assuaged. So, I'm confessing here, in hopes that I will be able to rid myself of that guilt, once and for all.

I beg of you all, if you happen to visit the Minnesota Zoo: DO NOT TOUCH THE MOOSE! Save yourself from the torment I have experienced. Rules, after all, are meant to be followed to the letter.