A Confession: I have broken the rules.

[Nevernose]

119. That moose can burn in hell for all I care

I've been all over the continent looking for a moose in the wild, and to a dozen zoos to find one. Do the moose have any interest in me? No. Are moose even real? Probably not. They're either folk tales, like leprechauns, or conspiracy hoaxes, like Bigfoot. Or part of a government plot to trick me into focusing on whether moose are real instead of focusing on the CIA.

Alaska? Check.
Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire? Check.
Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Quebec? Check.
British Columbia and Alberta? Check.
Washington and Oregon?
Idaho and Montana? Wyoming, Utah, and Colorado? North and South Dakota? Wisconsin and Minnesota? All checks.
Every goddamned zoo I can find? Check -- although there have occasionally been "moose enclosures" -- totally devoid of moose.
Bear World, in both Yellowstone and Grand Canyon? Check -- although I was told the one at Yellowstone was "sleeping." Sounds like bullshit to me.
Every other national or state park I can think of that might possibly have moose? Check.
Do I fucking OWN fifty acres of wooded Idaho wilderness that has wolves and bears and elk and deer and eagles on it, but not a single goddamned moose? Check.

Yeah, so your alleged moose can die and go straight to hell for all I care. This whole thread is probably part of the Fake Moose Conspiracy, taking advantage of gullible schmucks like me to get me to come visit your crappy states (which would probably be less crappy if there were, I don't know, say, some goddamned MOOSE in them). Do you people all work for some kind northern latitudes tourist bureau?