DU Poll on Attitudes toward Rape

[lapislzi]

89. The questionable wisdom of my mother

Who belonged to the generation of which you speak.

First off, I commend you for at least trying to address the nuances of this issue.

My mother was part of the "hard to get" set. We never saw eye to eye on this issue. She was horrified by my sexual forthrightness, which I come by naturally (no thanks to mom!) I always thought that game-playing, false modesty, and coyness just muddied the waters--exactly as you point out in your post. But, in my mom's day, heaven forfend that a woman come out and say that she wanted sex. That would automatically brand her a slut, a nympho, a fast gal, or any other pejorative moniker from back in the day. Even married women couldn't "want" sex. It just wasn't done, at least that was the way I learned it.

My mother's other piece of precious wisdom--a corollary to the first was (and I quote): "a stiff prick has no conscience." That is, men cannot be held responsible for their sexual behavior, especially if the woman failed to exhibit the required demureness and timidity. Men! They're just animals, you see.

In my mother's dysfunctional little universe, women bore all the responsibility for what occurred in a sexual encounter.

So, I can see where that mind-set lingers. But we know better now, don't we?

As for bad judgment...well, sometimes bad judgment does lead to bad outcomes, especially when one of the parties lacks sufficient morality to act correctly in the situation. But that doesn't erase the wrongness of having sex with an partner unwilling or unable to consent to the act. That outcome is never the fault of the unwilling or unable party.

Am I making sense?