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The Straight Story

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51. From someone who has been both

Reply to Spartacus Maximus XL (Original post)

Thu May 16, 2013, 08:57 PM

May 2013

Let me give you my personal advice.

I have been Buddhist, agnostic, pentecostal, baptist, Lutheran, new ager, etc over the course of my life - and yes, atheist.

Skeptical of many things but have learned to be open minded - in both politics and religion.

Didn't believe really in 'ghosts' - didn't fit any view I had from Christian to Atheist, made no sense to me (and the idea still doesn't).

Heard stories from relatives, friends, co-workers, and such of 'paranormal' type stuff. Then my mom died in 2004. So, having questions about death and such I decided to try ghost hunting and such.

Came across things that make no sense to me at all. I recently even posted a thread on Reddit about some such experiences. Heard and seen things that no matter how I try to explain them away I can't. They don't fit into 'my reality' - so I keep an open mind.

Being an atheist is fine, so is being a Christian or any other faith - but don't close your mind to experiences others have had that you have not. We don't know everything about the universe, we have only scratched the surface.

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Atheist With a Christian spouse [View all] Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 OP

Please don't try to deconvert her Warpy May 2013 #1

i agree. nt DesertFlower May 2013 #3

I am in complete agreement. HappyMe May 2013 #4

Excellent response. Respect her as a person. Do not become an "evangelical" with your spouse. anneboleyn May 2013 #23

If you want her to respect Dorian Gray May 2013 #46

Warpy is right. I was there... dorkzilla May 2013 #55

Wise you are Hekate May 2013 #56

Thanks, Hekate, but I don't think I'm as wise as I am blunt (its the NYer in me) dorkzilla May 2013 #60

loved your story. Thanks for sharing. Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #69

That's a great story from someone who's been there Warpy May 2013 #135

I wish we had a like button on comments we like. Your comment is wise. Hopefully, southernyankeebelle May 2013 #103

Thank you n/t wryter2000 May 2013 #112

Sorry, but I cannot agree. ChairmanAgnostic May 2013 #116

I see you're in the "control your wife" camp Warpy May 2013 #134

just the opposite. the wife you refer to is already controlled ChairmanAgnostic May 2013 #147

+100! Rhiannon12866 May 2013 #140

Can't you just agree to disagree? Yo_Mama May 2013 #2

i'm going back a long time but my mom was DesertFlower May 2013 #5

Indeed knixphan May 2013 #6

I was a Christian married to an atheist spouse derby378 May 2013 #7

Sorry you lost your wife Yo_Mama May 2013 #22

It sounds Dorian Gray May 2013 #47

If you love her..tell her you'll keep an open mind.. Tikki May 2013 #8

July will be 27 years with my Baptist wife OriginalGeek May 2013 #9

From the OP Control-Z May 2013 #11

Yep but mutual is mutual OriginalGeek May 2013 #21

Why does she need to start questioning what she believes? Being an atheist msanthrope May 2013 #10

You make it sound like books by Richard Dawkins, Richard Hitchens and Sam Harris CJCRANE May 2013 #12

You sound like you want to convert her LittleBlue May 2013 #13

My daughter is an atheist, as I am, and was married RebelOne May 2013 #14

Thanks everyone. Good food for thought all the way around. Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #15

well i would find it hard going to church with her. DesertFlower May 2013 #16

lol, same here only Baptist OriginalGeek May 2013 #99

i don't know if it's still that way, but they DesertFlower May 2013 #136

Here is the way I deal with church when a family member LittleBlue May 2013 #17

Excellent response. Go for the people and experience, not doctrine. And negotiate, as you suggest anneboleyn May 2013 #25

Buddhists of all practices do not "believe in god." pangaia May 2013 #54

Why must you go to church with her? Yo_Mama May 2013 #24

no, no demands are being made Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #26

no, no demands are being made Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #29

You shouldn't have to do that BainsBane May 2013 #34

30 years you have been placating your wife by escorting her to church ? lumpy May 2013 #49

I think you need to just say: "I'm done with church." Arugula Latte May 2013 #28

yes, you have mailed my thought process succinctly Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #30

Works both ways metalbot May 2013 #37

It kind of depends, though. Arugula Latte May 2013 #41

I think the world view difference is pretty fundamental metalbot May 2013 #62

Hoo boy. Arugula Latte May 2013 #66

Also, religion is not necessary for morality. Arugula Latte May 2013 #114

Amen! PufPuf23 May 2013 #126

"He should shut up, and go to church" Lordquinton May 2013 #138

How do you feel when people try to convert you? Capt. Obvious May 2013 #33

imaginary sky fairy. burnodo May 2013 #61

I don't think you should have to go to church with her wryter2000 May 2013 #115

You sound like the atheistic version of a "subtle" fundamentalist Christian. Your wife is an adult. 11 Bravo May 2013 #18

My first though too Puzzledtraveller May 2013 #70

Easy. Respect her views and ask her to respect yours, Nye Bevan May 2013 #19

That would be my advice. smirkymonkey May 2013 #38

One of my close friends is an atheist married to a practicing Catholic. Chan790 May 2013 #20

I have a spiritual belief, my husband is atheist BanzaiBonnie May 2013 #27

thank you for sharing your insight Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #31

Wait - you married without telling her you were an atheist? Capt. Obvious May 2013 #32

i believe he said they've been married for 30 years. DesertFlower May 2013 #35

Get her to watch 'veggie tales' mwrguy May 2013 #36

my friend has a very catholic family. he DesertFlower May 2013 #39

This . . . kickitup May 2013 #64

i agree. nt DesertFlower May 2013 #68

My wife was a Christian Scientist CBGLuthier May 2013 #40

you were an atheist before you married her or became one after ? JI7 May 2013 #42

only recently. I didn't keep her abreast with my atheist readings, hence my error Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #44

I never knew you could read your way into atheism. peace13 May 2013 #97

Make sure she reads Harris on profiling. rug May 2013 #43

Would you behave? LAGC May 2013 #96

How long did it take you to finally shrug off your religious beliefs? LiberalAndProud May 2013 #45

yes. You sum up my feelings exactly Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #71

No, SHE handled it poorly Uzair May 2013 #48

When my son's friend told his mother kickitup May 2013 #65

I like the way you think. Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #74

And - I don't know what tone you used when speaking with her Ms. Toad May 2013 #105

Agreed. Apophis May 2013 #106

Do you feel she resents your atheism ? olddots May 2013 #50

From someone who has been both The Straight Story May 2013 #51

I like that attitude BainsBane May 2013 #59

My Catholic/Marxist wife and I (Anarchist/Buddhist) will have our 32nd Anniv. in June. Tierra_y_Libertad May 2013 #52

I'd say, just let her be. If her religion is important to her, don't take it from her. The Velveteen Ocelot May 2013 #53

I'm an atheist with a Christian spouse Nevernose May 2013 #57

One other thing.... if she is right and you are not, she will be able to gloat for all eternity Nye Bevan May 2013 #58

A friend is going thru marriage counseling. MissB May 2013 #63

I have the same issue. I treat her beliefs with amused indifference... Demo_Chris May 2013 #67

I had the same problem when I told my spouse I was an alien. cbayer May 2013 #72

ROFLMAO! DUzy longship May 2013 #117

Howdy! cbayer May 2013 #118

LMFAO! hrmjustin May 2013 #120

Hello Justin! cbayer May 2013 #121

Hey cbayer! hrmjustin May 2013 #122

I have been having some very interesting conversations as we visit people cbayer May 2013 #123

When I go on the road I always collect the local newspapers and bring them home with me to see what hrmjustin May 2013 #124

We like to stop at local eateries and talk to people from the area. cbayer May 2013 #127

I remember going through Texas and listening to Christian Radio and my Jaw dropped from the stuff hrmjustin May 2013 #128

Documented or not? nt tblue37 May 2013 #130

Definitely un. cbayer May 2013 #131

If you use words like "indoctrinated" and "overpowering", of course she'll take it badly! Donald Ian Rankin May 2013 #73

Hence my discomfort with the OP lapislzi May 2013 #100

It might have more to do with asshole comments like "The God Delusion" joeglow3 May 2013 #75

Exactly. cbayer May 2013 #76

Maybe you should repent and start believing in God again. I mean you don't want to go to hell, el_bryanto May 2013 #77

You forgot the sarcasm tag? darkangel218 May 2013 #79

Well I am a believer - so I think a sarcasm tag might send the wrong message. nt el_bryanto May 2013 #81

This message was self-deleted by its author darkangel218 May 2013 #83

The OP asked the question el_bryanto May 2013 #87

I didnt read the whole post, just the title. darkangel218 May 2013 #90

I think OP is deliberately provocative. lapislzi May 2013 #92

No True Atheist, eh? That must be convienent el_bryanto May 2013 #108

Lucky for you I'm the Gentle Ben type. lapislzi May 2013 #110

The OP has inserted all the "right" buzzwords into his commentary throughout the thread. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #133

I am soooo glad I don't have that type of all pervasive fear controlling my life. Zorra May 2013 #107

Actually I don't believe in Hell either, per se. Hell is our unwillingness to be saved. el_bryanto May 2013 #109

I apologize to you, Bryant. Zorra May 2013 #129

Every person is allowed to believe and worship whatever they want. darkangel218 May 2013 #78

Of course they are. Arugula Latte May 2013 #113

Aren't there stages of becoming an atheist as an adult? Pelican May 2013 #80

yep Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #82

If that happens, I missed a stage. lapislzi May 2013 #95

I smell something funny. lapislzi May 2013 #84

The OP is not any worse than other members telling us we are going ti hell. darkangel218 May 2013 #86

Exactly my point - thanks for spreading it around. nt el_bryanto May 2013 #88

I've never seen any of those. lapislzi May 2013 #89

When i first joined DU, almost a year ago, i was called a troll just because darkangel218 May 2013 #91

Point taken. Not alerting, just cautious. lapislzi May 2013 #93

I hear you. peace13 May 2013 #98

I agree. but even you admit that aplies to "most", darkangel218 May 2013 #101

More a problem with the attitude. lapislzi May 2013 #111

"Mock Them! Ridicule Them!" FrodosPet May 2013 #142

Richard Dawkins' Reason Rally speech! FrodosPet May 2013 #141

That was an awesome event. LAGC May 2013 #146

There certainly is a mocking and presumptious tone about the OP, isn't there? Heidi May 2013 #143

Check out the Richard Dawkins video FrodosPet May 2013 #145

To me that would be like being married to someone who worshiped the tooth fairy. LancetChick May 2013 #85

I agree with what people are saying above davidpdx May 2013 #94

"The God Delusion" I guess I am delusional as well. hrmjustin May 2013 #102

If she's not interested in that, why introduce her to those writers? Deep13 May 2013 #104

"The Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark," by Carl Sagan. CrispyQ May 2013 #119

If I could only rec a post Lordquinton May 2013 #139

You have a bigger problem than your disparity of beliefs Dreamer Tatum May 2013 #125

Thank you for posting this... so I didn't have to. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #132

+1 NaturalHigh May 2013 #137

+ another 1 cordelia May 2013 #144

Moral of the story, based on the overwhelming responses in this thread... LAGC May 2013 #148