I was involved in a discussion a few nights ago that shocked and silenced me.

[laundry_queen]

31. I have 4 kids

Never felt like I HAD to spank. I'm adamantly against it. IMO, in EVERY situation there is a better way to deal with the behavior than spanking, even in life and death. Mutual respect and love works far better. I could go on about how wonderful my kids are (and I'm not being biased, people/teachers gush over my kids which I find embarrassing) but I'll spare you (guess I already kind of did though). Needless to say, not spanking has worked for us.

I was spanked and it totally fucked me up. To me, all it does it teach might makes right and fosters resentment. I hated my father (my mother almost never spanked) and used to wish him dead. It gave me trust issues, it taught me to lie and be sneaky, it taught me appearance was more important than who I was as a person....There was so much fall out that I deal with to this day.

I believe in order to get respect, you have to be willing to give it. I don't want to be feared, I want to be respected as a human being, and I believe if I respect my children as human beings, it teaches them to have empathy and respect others. Hitting children, IMO, is only extrinsically motivating them to behave. It does nothing to enable intrinsic motivation or develop empathy, and I believe there is a serious empathy deficit in this world, so just trying to do my part to raise empathy literate children.