General Discussion

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)

94. I agree with what people are saying above

Reply to Spartacus Maximus XL (Original post)

Fri May 17, 2013, 10:21 AM

May 2013

Don't try to make her believe what you do. The both of you need to respect each other's choice to believe in what you choose. Now the only little wrinkle in this is if you have kids. That's going to be a tough one (and I won't even try to give advice, because it would be terrible).

I wasn't raised full bore Christian, but I did go to church during part of my childhood, and then again when I was an undergraduate in college. I've found myself more agnostic as I grow older. A couple of years ago for my 40th birthday my mom (who is now more gungho Christian) sent me a personal bible with my name etched on the front. My wife is Christian, but doesn't attend church. When I received it she could tell how displeased I was. I had at the time been a doctoral student for almost a year (I'm at the end of my 3rd year now) and give how important school is I hoped if she was going to get me something it would be school related. Maybe that sounds rude or selfish, but I think if I had wanted a bible I could have gotten one on my own. I felt she was telling me I needed it. Pushing religion is something that irritates me.

Sorry for the rant...

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Atheist With a Christian spouse [View all] Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 OP

Please don't try to deconvert her Warpy May 2013 #1

i agree. nt DesertFlower May 2013 #3

I am in complete agreement. HappyMe May 2013 #4

Excellent response. Respect her as a person. Do not become an "evangelical" with your spouse. anneboleyn May 2013 #23

If you want her to respect Dorian Gray May 2013 #46

Warpy is right. I was there... dorkzilla May 2013 #55

Wise you are Hekate May 2013 #56

Thanks, Hekate, but I don't think I'm as wise as I am blunt (its the NYer in me) dorkzilla May 2013 #60

loved your story. Thanks for sharing. Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #69

That's a great story from someone who's been there Warpy May 2013 #135

I wish we had a like button on comments we like. Your comment is wise. Hopefully, southernyankeebelle May 2013 #103

Thank you n/t wryter2000 May 2013 #112

Sorry, but I cannot agree. ChairmanAgnostic May 2013 #116

I see you're in the "control your wife" camp Warpy May 2013 #134

just the opposite. the wife you refer to is already controlled ChairmanAgnostic May 2013 #147

+100! Rhiannon12866 May 2013 #140

Can't you just agree to disagree? Yo_Mama May 2013 #2

i'm going back a long time but my mom was DesertFlower May 2013 #5

Indeed knixphan May 2013 #6

I was a Christian married to an atheist spouse derby378 May 2013 #7

Sorry you lost your wife Yo_Mama May 2013 #22

It sounds Dorian Gray May 2013 #47

If you love her..tell her you'll keep an open mind.. Tikki May 2013 #8

July will be 27 years with my Baptist wife OriginalGeek May 2013 #9

From the OP Control-Z May 2013 #11

Yep but mutual is mutual OriginalGeek May 2013 #21

Why does she need to start questioning what she believes? Being an atheist msanthrope May 2013 #10

You make it sound like books by Richard Dawkins, Richard Hitchens and Sam Harris CJCRANE May 2013 #12

You sound like you want to convert her LittleBlue May 2013 #13

My daughter is an atheist, as I am, and was married RebelOne May 2013 #14

Thanks everyone. Good food for thought all the way around. Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #15

well i would find it hard going to church with her. DesertFlower May 2013 #16

lol, same here only Baptist OriginalGeek May 2013 #99

i don't know if it's still that way, but they DesertFlower May 2013 #136

Here is the way I deal with church when a family member LittleBlue May 2013 #17

Excellent response. Go for the people and experience, not doctrine. And negotiate, as you suggest anneboleyn May 2013 #25

Buddhists of all practices do not "believe in god." pangaia May 2013 #54

Why must you go to church with her? Yo_Mama May 2013 #24

no, no demands are being made Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #26

no, no demands are being made Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #29

You shouldn't have to do that BainsBane May 2013 #34

30 years you have been placating your wife by escorting her to church ? lumpy May 2013 #49

I think you need to just say: "I'm done with church." Arugula Latte May 2013 #28

yes, you have mailed my thought process succinctly Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #30

Works both ways metalbot May 2013 #37

It kind of depends, though. Arugula Latte May 2013 #41

I think the world view difference is pretty fundamental metalbot May 2013 #62

Hoo boy. Arugula Latte May 2013 #66

Also, religion is not necessary for morality. Arugula Latte May 2013 #114

Amen! PufPuf23 May 2013 #126

"He should shut up, and go to church" Lordquinton May 2013 #138

How do you feel when people try to convert you? Capt. Obvious May 2013 #33

imaginary sky fairy. burnodo May 2013 #61

I don't think you should have to go to church with her wryter2000 May 2013 #115

You sound like the atheistic version of a "subtle" fundamentalist Christian. Your wife is an adult. 11 Bravo May 2013 #18

My first though too Puzzledtraveller May 2013 #70

Easy. Respect her views and ask her to respect yours, Nye Bevan May 2013 #19

That would be my advice. smirkymonkey May 2013 #38

One of my close friends is an atheist married to a practicing Catholic. Chan790 May 2013 #20

I have a spiritual belief, my husband is atheist BanzaiBonnie May 2013 #27

thank you for sharing your insight Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #31

Wait - you married without telling her you were an atheist? Capt. Obvious May 2013 #32

i believe he said they've been married for 30 years. DesertFlower May 2013 #35

Get her to watch 'veggie tales' mwrguy May 2013 #36

my friend has a very catholic family. he DesertFlower May 2013 #39

This . . . kickitup May 2013 #64

i agree. nt DesertFlower May 2013 #68

My wife was a Christian Scientist CBGLuthier May 2013 #40

you were an atheist before you married her or became one after ? JI7 May 2013 #42

only recently. I didn't keep her abreast with my atheist readings, hence my error Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #44

I never knew you could read your way into atheism. peace13 May 2013 #97

Make sure she reads Harris on profiling. rug May 2013 #43

Would you behave? LAGC May 2013 #96

How long did it take you to finally shrug off your religious beliefs? LiberalAndProud May 2013 #45

yes. You sum up my feelings exactly Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #71

No, SHE handled it poorly Uzair May 2013 #48

When my son's friend told his mother kickitup May 2013 #65

I like the way you think. Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #74

And - I don't know what tone you used when speaking with her Ms. Toad May 2013 #105

Agreed. Apophis May 2013 #106

Do you feel she resents your atheism ? olddots May 2013 #50

From someone who has been both The Straight Story May 2013 #51

I like that attitude BainsBane May 2013 #59

My Catholic/Marxist wife and I (Anarchist/Buddhist) will have our 32nd Anniv. in June. Tierra_y_Libertad May 2013 #52

I'd say, just let her be. If her religion is important to her, don't take it from her. The Velveteen Ocelot May 2013 #53

I'm an atheist with a Christian spouse Nevernose May 2013 #57

One other thing.... if she is right and you are not, she will be able to gloat for all eternity Nye Bevan May 2013 #58

A friend is going thru marriage counseling. MissB May 2013 #63

I have the same issue. I treat her beliefs with amused indifference... Demo_Chris May 2013 #67

I had the same problem when I told my spouse I was an alien. cbayer May 2013 #72

ROFLMAO! DUzy longship May 2013 #117

Howdy! cbayer May 2013 #118

LMFAO! hrmjustin May 2013 #120

Hello Justin! cbayer May 2013 #121

Hey cbayer! hrmjustin May 2013 #122

I have been having some very interesting conversations as we visit people cbayer May 2013 #123

When I go on the road I always collect the local newspapers and bring them home with me to see what hrmjustin May 2013 #124

We like to stop at local eateries and talk to people from the area. cbayer May 2013 #127

I remember going through Texas and listening to Christian Radio and my Jaw dropped from the stuff hrmjustin May 2013 #128

Documented or not? nt tblue37 May 2013 #130

Definitely un. cbayer May 2013 #131

If you use words like "indoctrinated" and "overpowering", of course she'll take it badly! Donald Ian Rankin May 2013 #73

Hence my discomfort with the OP lapislzi May 2013 #100

It might have more to do with asshole comments like "The God Delusion" joeglow3 May 2013 #75

Exactly. cbayer May 2013 #76

Maybe you should repent and start believing in God again. I mean you don't want to go to hell, el_bryanto May 2013 #77

You forgot the sarcasm tag? darkangel218 May 2013 #79

Well I am a believer - so I think a sarcasm tag might send the wrong message. nt el_bryanto May 2013 #81

This message was self-deleted by its author darkangel218 May 2013 #83

The OP asked the question el_bryanto May 2013 #87

I didnt read the whole post, just the title. darkangel218 May 2013 #90

I think OP is deliberately provocative. lapislzi May 2013 #92

No True Atheist, eh? That must be convienent el_bryanto May 2013 #108

Lucky for you I'm the Gentle Ben type. lapislzi May 2013 #110

The OP has inserted all the "right" buzzwords into his commentary throughout the thread. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #133

I am soooo glad I don't have that type of all pervasive fear controlling my life. Zorra May 2013 #107

Actually I don't believe in Hell either, per se. Hell is our unwillingness to be saved. el_bryanto May 2013 #109

I apologize to you, Bryant. Zorra May 2013 #129

Every person is allowed to believe and worship whatever they want. darkangel218 May 2013 #78

Of course they are. Arugula Latte May 2013 #113

Aren't there stages of becoming an atheist as an adult? Pelican May 2013 #80

yep Spartacus Maximus XL May 2013 #82

If that happens, I missed a stage. lapislzi May 2013 #95

I smell something funny. lapislzi May 2013 #84

The OP is not any worse than other members telling us we are going ti hell. darkangel218 May 2013 #86

Exactly my point - thanks for spreading it around. nt el_bryanto May 2013 #88

I've never seen any of those. lapislzi May 2013 #89

When i first joined DU, almost a year ago, i was called a troll just because darkangel218 May 2013 #91

Point taken. Not alerting, just cautious. lapislzi May 2013 #93

I hear you. peace13 May 2013 #98

I agree. but even you admit that aplies to "most", darkangel218 May 2013 #101

More a problem with the attitude. lapislzi May 2013 #111

"Mock Them! Ridicule Them!" FrodosPet May 2013 #142

Richard Dawkins' Reason Rally speech! FrodosPet May 2013 #141

That was an awesome event. LAGC May 2013 #146

There certainly is a mocking and presumptious tone about the OP, isn't there? Heidi May 2013 #143

Check out the Richard Dawkins video FrodosPet May 2013 #145

To me that would be like being married to someone who worshiped the tooth fairy. LancetChick May 2013 #85

I agree with what people are saying above davidpdx May 2013 #94

"The God Delusion" I guess I am delusional as well. hrmjustin May 2013 #102

If she's not interested in that, why introduce her to those writers? Deep13 May 2013 #104

"The Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark," by Carl Sagan. CrispyQ May 2013 #119

If I could only rec a post Lordquinton May 2013 #139

You have a bigger problem than your disparity of beliefs Dreamer Tatum May 2013 #125

Thank you for posting this... so I didn't have to. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #132

+1 NaturalHigh May 2013 #137

+ another 1 cordelia May 2013 #144

Moral of the story, based on the overwhelming responses in this thread... LAGC May 2013 #148