The Rise and Fall of Charm in American Men

[Nay]

30. That last paragraph you copied from the article was the one that hit me hardest -- just

last night I attempted to be my charming self by engaging with a young man whose child was in the pool with my grandchild and 3 dozen other kids. I smiled and made what I thought was a light and amusing comment on the chilly weather and maybe the kids wouldn't be swimming very long.....and this guy was EXACTLY LIKE THIS from the article:

"Even in the most casual conversation, men are too often self-absorbed or mono-focused or—more commonly—guarded, distracted, and disengaged to an almost Aspergerian degree. Men consistently fail to meet the sort of obvious standards set by guides to etiquette and to the art of conversation common 50 years ago."

He was exactly like this. First, he acted startled, then wary, as if my comment was a total surprise or, possibly, an unwanted intrusion into whatever was going on in his head. Then he made some sort of mumbled response when he saw I wasn't going to attack him with an axe or something. As a 60-yr-old woman, I can remember that even 30 years ago I would not have gotten that sort of response from ANYONE in a mixed social gathering of adults. Then, people knew how to respond to and continue casual conversation in a social setting. You just gotta wonder whether his poor wife gets the same treatment when she wants to discuss something.