Curious about marriage versus long-term partnership logic thoughts.

[IdaBriggs]

40. Truthfully, when entering a partnership, I think both folks need to look at --

what each *brings* to it. Neither of us wanted someone who wasn't *a partner* in the fullest sense of the word. We also had issues/values that we considered important to us, with fidelity being one of them.

There were other "applicants" before him who I loved. Most were good men, but they would not have been good life partners with me for various reasons. Some I rejected just because I didn't want to deal with their specific drama, and a couple rejected me because of mine (my family was definitely *not* a positive selling point, and my interest in housekeeping can best be described as "haphazard&quot . (In my opinion) love is simply not enough; it is a starting point, but it is very easy for people to love who people *want* to be, instead of seeing who they ARE. And frankly, just because you love someone doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your life with them. But I was asking about the "yeah, we're together probably forever, but no reason to tie the knot" folks.

He is *mine* and I am *his*, but not in an ownership way: in a *partnership* way. We work together to create the life we want (family, home, interests, etc.) and try to support each other emotionally.

When I was on bedrest, he took care of things I couldn't. When I wanted to foster puppies (87 by the end), he was there. When he wants to spend time gaming, I step up so he can step out. If things become "uneven" we talk about it, and try to work through it because we are both "fair minded" people (which is one of the values we had to verify we had in common, because who wants to ALWAYS be the giver?).

Like I said, my best friend and my partner. I am proud of him, and who he is; he says he is of me, too. We prop each other up, and kick each other's bottoms when we need it to be the people we both want to be.

I have literally had to trust him with my life when medical decisions had to be made when I got pre-eclampsia. He is a good man. I remember asking him the "lifeboat" question, and he gave the right answer. And when I watched him with servers, to this day, he tips well, and is courteous. (You probably know the sage advice to judge someone on how they treat servers, right? Because within six months of a new relationship, that is how they are going to be treating YOU, so look for courteous, polite, reasonable, generous, and kind - and if you don't see it, dump instantly!)

And yes, he is *MINE* - sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am that we chose each other for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until death do us part. (Did I mention he does the dishes? I *hate* doing the dishes!)

Plus, did I mention he is a geek? And I am a *total* geek girl!