General Discussion

DebJ

(7,699 posts)

75. I don't agree with your statement:

Sat Jun 1, 2013, 09:14 AM

Jun 2013

"Nobody honest with themselves has one commitment with one person for a lifetime unless they're both completely static people completely-dead of needs or wants...or just dead."

We grow together, change together, evolve together, as a couple, around a central core of love, dedication, and commitment. It is hard, it is fun, it is fulfilling, it is the adventure of a lifetime. The central core makes life worthwhile. The central core means that no matter what, we are there, together, for each other.

I have children from a previous marriage; adults now with lives of their own. They too have gone through changes and evolutions. Our relationships don't have an 'end' that involves termination. We grow and learn and love together.

I find your viewpoint incredibly sad. Tragic.

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Curious about marriage versus long-term partnership logic thoughts. [View all] IdaBriggs May 2013 OP

So, Ida, good friend, does he have a brother...older?..n/t monmouth3 May 2013 #1

He is the first born in his family, and his younger brother is involved with someone. IdaBriggs May 2013 #5

My sons are in their 50s so not looking for anyone in that age category. Just kidding really, monmouth3 May 2013 #13

Marriage is a contract, primarily about property. lumberjack_jeff May 2013 #2

I don't understand this answer. IdaBriggs May 2013 #8

It's complicated. lumberjack_jeff May 2013 #12

I was quoting from a song that was featured on "Glee" a few years back. IdaBriggs May 2013 #16

I HATE that song! Phentex May 2013 #21

I think the "it" is her finger. IdaBriggs May 2013 #24

If you liked her finger you shoulda put a ring on her finger? Phentex May 2013 #25

This is such a revolting song Tumbulu May 2013 #30

why does putting a ring on someone's finger and getting married have to mean you own them? liberal_at_heart May 2013 #33

I am referring to the song Tumbulu May 2013 #36

Common law -If you act like a married couple, you are a married couple. nt Xipe Totec May 2013 #3

Most states don't Go Vols May 2013 #7

Michigan no longer recognizes common law marriage. nt IdaBriggs May 2013 #9

Georgia abolished common law marriage in 1997. n/t Laelth Jun 2013 #74

my partner and I are in our late 50s... mike_c May 2013 #4

That makes sense - the whole "once burned, twice shy" thing. IdaBriggs May 2013 #23

Ooh! New question! IdaBriggs May 2013 #59

Hmm. Chan790 May 2013 #64

Every man for himself, eh? All of the language you use about relationships is I think Bluenorthwest May 2013 #70

No babies in my future. Chan790 May 2013 #71

I don't agree with your statement: DebJ Jun 2013 #75

Likewise. nt Chan790 Jun 2013 #83

I can only speak for myself, yes, I would still be there. 1-Old-Man May 2013 #65

Yes and yes Autumn Colors Jun 2013 #81

for some, marriage is a necessity for the children, without it the kids are not legit loli phabay May 2013 #6

Not true in California Tumbulu May 2013 #31

states rules dont matter when it comes to culture loli phabay Jun 2013 #72

Not sure what culture you come from Tumbulu Jun 2013 #86

east coast, papers dont matter with us either but there is structure to families that important loli phabay Jun 2013 #87

I Sheldon Cooper May 2013 #10

I want my right to marry, but don't necessarily want to marry. Zorra May 2013 #11

Please don't take this the wrong way, but one of the things you wrote is one of the big reasons Egalitarian Thug May 2013 #14

Financially, my fiance / husband set me straight that it was "our" money IdaBriggs May 2013 #20

Secular marriage isn't a lifelong commitment. It's a revocable contract. Gormy Cuss May 2013 #15

I realize it is a revocable contract but I still like being married. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #18

I was responding to the comment that it was a lifelong commitment Gormy Cuss Jun 2013 #85

People in a long term relationship know that they are in the relationship because they want to be. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #17

One of the most honest posts I have ever read. IdaBriggs May 2013 #22

Thank you. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #26

I would be happier without the state's consent to my union REP May 2013 #19

Dating currently Puzzledtraveller May 2013 #27

Mr. bunnies & I have been together for 13 years... bunnies May 2013 #28

I don't have any advice because each relationship is so different laundry_queen May 2013 #29

I consider marriage an outdated institution LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #32

Decreasingly, is there a reason for long-term partnered people to actually get married? Chan790 May 2013 #34

Please see post #59 and share your thoughts. IdaBriggs May 2013 #60

This from a happily divorced woman: Emotional marriage is unstable, and financial marriage lindysalsagal May 2013 #35

Good straight talk, I appreciate it myself. 1-Old-Man May 2013 #46

Interesting thoughts. Debt and financial responsibility IdaBriggs May 2013 #57

well, your own post might contain a clue galileoreloaded May 2013 #37

Truthfully, when entering a partnership, I think both folks need to look at -- IdaBriggs May 2013 #40

Ida, you say in your post: Squinch May 2013 #38

For me, there was an emotional security that came with that commitment. IdaBriggs May 2013 #41

But it doesn't REALLY give any emotional security either. Squinch May 2013 #43

I wouldn't say very few. A marriage has just as good a chance to work as it does not to. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #48

But PS Squinch May 2013 #44

Some couples marry; some couples don't. MineralMan May 2013 #39

I like much of what you said. This is a nosy post about why. IdaBriggs May 2013 #42

It's sex for money (Or something else) Uzair May 2013 #45

None of those options describe my marriage. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #49

quite possible, but its still transactional. nt galileoreloaded May 2013 #52

It's called being human. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #53

im not trying to be cynical and sorry if it came over that way galileoreloaded May 2013 #55

not if you have an honest conversation about both the good and the bad. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #58

Yep. And I would say the opposite about 'emotionally stunted' DebJ Jun 2013 #78

Respectfully, I disagree. IdaBriggs May 2013 #54

And then there are all the jokes, based quite a bit in reality, DebJ Jun 2013 #77

Mu Loving Wuife and I have been married now for 28 years. oneshooter May 2013 #47

there is just something special about being in a long term relationship or marriage that unless liberal_at_heart May 2013 #50

Maybe you just summed it all up very well. DebJ Jun 2013 #79

I've sworn off marriage Autumn Colors May 2013 #51

"Once burned" camp, eh? Sympathy! IdaBriggs May 2013 #63

Marriage means taking on each others financial liabilities & debt. CottonBear May 2013 #56

I hate when people take financial advantage of others. IdaBriggs May 2013 #61

I'm sorry you went through that. I understand why you wouldn't want to get married again, but liberal_at_heart May 2013 #62

My husband and I have a new song. "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake. liberal_at_heart May 2013 #66

I want to secure my girlfriend's future, that's part of why I proposed LittleBlue May 2013 #67

Congratulations LittleBlue! liberal_at_heart May 2013 #68

Thanks LittleBlue May 2013 #69

Dr. Willard Harley describes three types of romantic relationships. Laelth Jun 2013 #73

That's great! Thanks for posting. n/t DebJ Jun 2013 #80

Marriage has outlived its usefulness Major Nikon Jun 2013 #76

No interest in marriage... PasadenaTrudy Jun 2013 #82

about ten years for my wife and i madrchsod Jun 2013 #84

"It's Complicated", unless you're our parents, then it is really, really clear. Sen. Walter Sobchak Jun 2013 #88

If were to have either, I'd prefer marriage mythology Jun 2013 #89