Let's make this clear: responding to your teenage child's words with violence is NOT OKAY.

[chervilant]

135. Parenting? Really?

I am concerned when I see adults minimize this father's abusive behavior. In an extensive and respected body of research, Gelles, Straus and Steinmetz contend there are serious unintended consequences when physical violence is used against children:

1) Children learn to associate love with violence, since those who love them are allowed to hit them.

2) Children learn that when something is really important, it justifies the use of physical violence.

3) Recurrent incidences of physical punishment become a fundamental part of a child's personality and world view, readily generalized to adult intimate relationships, or considered a normative, justifiable response when the now adult individual feels threatened or angry.

After more than twenty-five years of advocacy for survivors of relationship violence, I can assure you that 'spanking' our children perpetuates a poisonous pedagogy that saddles a significant portion of our population with trust issues, poor conflict resolution skills, marginal interpersonal skills and aggression issues. Relationship violence is still a ubiquitous problem globally, and most of our teens (4 out of 5 girls) think that their intimate partners are justified in slapping them if they've done or said something 'wrong.'

For more information, read anything by Alice Miller (Thou Shalt not be Aware, For your own Good, and The Drama of the Gifted Child). Magical Child by Joseph Chilton Pearce is another good resource.

But, please, whatever else you do, stop applauding this father's actions.

Oh, and, consider this: children are the ONLY members of our species that you can strike with impunity. If you dare to hit another adult, you have to consider the likely legal consequences.