General Discussion

lumberjack_jeff

(33,224 posts)

148. If, as a parent, you're disagreeing with the basic point I proposed upthread:

Sun Feb 12, 2012, 02:36 PM

Feb 2012

"what you think you know about being a parent by virtue of having once been a kid/seeing kids at the Olive Garden/playing a parent on TV, is naive if you haven't actually done it."

... then you're being dishonest.

What you learned about parenting was all OJT, and every kid is different. You'd learn an entirely different set of rules/principles/guidelines if you were the parent of a different set of kids.

The childfree person to whom I was replying said that she felt it was important that a child should (paraphrased) be encouraged to "express all their emotions" to and about their parents.

Parents have a big responsibility. If they are to discharge that responsibility, they can't give away their authority, which includes icky concepts like "obedience" and "consequences".

I don't shoot laptops, but I'm not seeking to be my kids friend either.

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Let's make this clear: responding to your teenage child's words with violence is NOT OKAY. [View all] TheWraith Feb 2012 OP

I doubt it was actually her laptop. Brickbat Feb 2012 #1

The OP is right. renie408 Feb 2012 #5

Yeah, I'm not so sure. Brickbat Feb 2012 #15

Yes, in some ways you're right. originalpckelly Feb 2012 #21

I didn't see him passionately angry. Brickbat Feb 2012 #23

you didn't see him period SemperEadem Feb 2012 #111

No, I watched the video, too. Brickbat Feb 2012 #120

This message was self-deleted by its author PavePusher Feb 2012 #158

"but it's so easy to see how this could go wrong." PavePusher Feb 2012 #159

Yep. There is a huge cultural gap here. arely staircase Feb 2012 #25

Ok. You chuck your kid's stuff out the window when they piss you off and I'll talk renie408 Feb 2012 #30

+1. nt awoke_in_2003 Feb 2012 #151

And I'm guessing I know whose kids will end up in trouble more. TheWraith Feb 2012 #196

So a baseball bat would have been ok? hack89 Feb 2012 #154

You knew this was coming..... PavePusher Feb 2012 #160

Are we going there on this? originalpckelly Feb 2012 #8

If you were the descendant of Appalachian coal miners you would not feel this way. antigone382 Feb 2012 #35

Haters gonna hate. renie408 Feb 2012 #39

i have refered to myself as a redneck who left..... rppper Feb 2012 #102

I'm still in East Texas jamesatemple Feb 2012 #117

Well writen friend... rppper Feb 2012 #224

Awesome post... chervilant Feb 2012 #132

It makes absolutely no difference to me who it was or how it was done. TheWraith Feb 2012 #14

Thanks for the response. Brickbat Feb 2012 #20

DING DING DING! Wraith, you're our grand prize winner! rocktivity Feb 2012 #107

I don't understand this... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #143

Aww, you beat me to it. Kellerfeller Feb 2012 #178

Sorry bout that... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #179

Yeah, because shooting the place up is EXACTLY the same as revoking privileges. TheWraith Feb 2012 #197

Wow! They are living in a laptop!?!? Kellerfeller Feb 2012 #199

Sorry, I think you are wrong on this: PavePusher Feb 2012 #161

She's not 18. It wasn't hers, period. n/t lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #59

People under 18 can't own things? thesquanderer Feb 2012 #118

Yes, it was obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #123

Wow. chervilant Feb 2012 #130

No, no abuse in my past, but thank you for your concern. Brickbat Feb 2012 #134

Oh, by all means, chervilant Feb 2012 #136

Oh look! I was right. Brickbat Feb 2012 #138

Aww... chervilant Feb 2012 #139

something the daughter said... awoke_in_2003 Feb 2012 #150

Personally I believe he should respect his daughters privacy. FarLeftFist Feb 2012 #2

It's a good thing she learned now that nothing on Facebook is truly private. Brickbat Feb 2012 #4

Exactly, when is she going to have a life where her parents don't constantly hound her? originalpckelly Feb 2012 #11

Not to mention she actually DOES these chores instead of telling him to go f**k himself. FarLeftFist Feb 2012 #33

Worked out well for those kids that were bullied on Facebook. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #31

Can you point me to the "respect my privacy" facebook function? lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #63

But he said it's privacy setting was on so he couldn't see it, but he worked in IT so he was able to FarLeftFist Feb 2012 #92

It's right next to the "We expect petulance from children, but not from adults" button. LanternWaste Feb 2012 #202

I guess, since the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree... lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #205

I agree. A kid should be able to vent about her parents to friends. This is crazy. stevenleser Feb 2012 #163

I find it appalling that this is all over the internet. tabatha Feb 2012 #3

He could have tried listening to her for a change and maybe realizing that she has a valid point... renie408 Feb 2012 #7

She could have taught him a thing or two about people's place in life. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #32

And he could have taught her about maturity. LanternWaste Feb 2012 #203

We can only wait and see if it is effective. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #204

Exactly. If anything, he demonstrated a much bigger tantrum than his daughter could have. TheWraith Feb 2012 #17

Are you angry?! Then use a gun and shoot sumthin'! FarLeftFist Feb 2012 #6

Agreed. yardwork Feb 2012 #9

I agree. renie408 Feb 2012 #10

You know why: it's a different way of thinking about kids. originalpckelly Feb 2012 #16

Yep. renie408 Feb 2012 #29

You are lucky. Your story is identical to mine, same incredible older child, same loving joy, riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #40

My father, brother, both my sisters and my husband are alcoholics. renie408 Feb 2012 #48

She's only 15 now. Out of rehab since Dec 11. We own and operate a 40 horse barn riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #51

you are a heartless abusive monster and Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #53

. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #56

Holy. Shit. renie408 Feb 2012 #66

Thanks. She and one of my husband's advanced horses just completely clicked. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #78

To continue with the hijack.. renie408 Feb 2012 #142

Oh, I hear you about riding stoned.... it's just the "barn chat" riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #146

Huh? Posting, among other things, that the temporary household help... PavePusher Feb 2012 #162

No it is not just luck. wilsonbooks Feb 2012 #58

" Treat your children as adults and respect them and they will respond in kind." boppers Feb 2012 #109

The people I've seen who get all hung up over "respect" are hedgehog Feb 2012 #18

Some people believe kids should automatically respect their parents. TheWraith Feb 2012 #24

Ding! Ding! Ding! This father sounds like a monomaniacal authoritarian dickhead par coalition_unwilling Feb 2012 #180

Simply put, daddy is an asshole AnOhioan Feb 2012 #12

I agree. Shooting her computer is just over the top violence. It's also strange that Liquorice Feb 2012 #13

Let me throw a log on the fire... is shooting things common in gun culture? riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #19

We're not talking about some abstract or bleeding-heart definition of "abusive" or "coercive." TheWraith Feb 2012 #27

Okay. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #34

The first step is to install good PC monitoring software so that you know exactly what is going on FarCenter Feb 2012 #41

Gee, and I am just friends with my kids on Facebook. I never thought about the Orwellian approach. renie408 Feb 2012 #42

Thanks. You can bet I've had to go there and do all of that. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #43

It's a good idea if you don't want a big bill for copyright infringement from RIAA, etc. FarCenter Feb 2012 #44

My daughter's nefarious activities aren't tech related, she's seduced by a different dark side riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #45

Yes and best to put cameras all over the house, a gps tracker in the car, and perhaps Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #46

She's 15, so not old enough to be in a car FarCenter Feb 2012 #52

I have a funny story about my 14 year old and the car... riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #64

ROFL!!!! PavePusher Feb 2012 #164

Depends on the state, but good point, scrimp on the gps tracking device Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #74

Again, none of that matters. TheWraith Feb 2012 #47

People make too much of Facebook treestar Feb 2012 #175

Pretty much. arely staircase Feb 2012 #28

It seems contrary to what I've been taught about guns... Hippo_Tron Feb 2012 #106

I agree with you obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #22

Her property? boppers Feb 2012 #110

gifts. That is how a child aquires property that is theirs SemperEadem Feb 2012 #112

No income means your "gifts" are the property of those who support you. eom. boppers Feb 2012 #114

Totally not true obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #124

So, can you show me case law where a parent bought a computer, but the child legally owned it? boppers Feb 2012 #174

um, no SemperEadem Feb 2012 #217

How many of your possessions has your child ruined? boppers Feb 2012 #222

none SemperEadem Feb 2012 #225

You have a magical child, then. boppers Feb 2012 #226

no, she was brought up right. SemperEadem Feb 2012 #229

It's called a "gift," and gifts are property obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #122

I had the same thoughts maximusveritas Feb 2012 #26

The main problem being that children don't get spoiled and entitled on their own. renie408 Feb 2012 #38

Well, he did supply her a computer.... boppers Feb 2012 #223

Boy are you RIGHT on the money on this one! Rex Feb 2012 #36

I agree, the Wraith. JDPriestly Feb 2012 #37

The guy should be arrested or something. I was raised in a family where ONE could NEVER get mad Justice wanted Feb 2012 #49

Now that you're a grownup, are your children encouraged to yell at you? lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #62

If I had kids I'd let them vent unfortunately I do not have kids. Parents do make mistakes and Justice wanted Feb 2012 #71

With all due respect... lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #72

YES we must disagree. A child should beable to express feelings and emotions like adults AND Justice wanted Feb 2012 #73

Some risks are more abstract than matches. lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #75

AND you are SOOOOOO ready to tell me I am wrong you are not understand my use of the word of Justice wanted Feb 2012 #76

No. You don't need to learn to express all emotions. lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #77

Whatever. Justice wanted Feb 2012 #80

I think he just proved your point. PavePusher Feb 2012 #165

The post suggests why she found family life oppressive. lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #168

"I AM the boss of you." - you talk like that to your kids? inna Feb 2012 #89

Neener. n/t lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #144

I certainly would. sibelian Feb 2012 #228

Again, with the black and white. There is a difference between discipline and punishment; between renie408 Feb 2012 #140

If, as a parent, you're disagreeing with the basic point I proposed upthread: lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #148

Every child IS different. renie408 Feb 2012 #182

discharging a firearm inside a dwelling should be the first step in that process. SemperEadem Feb 2012 #113

I am not anti-gun, but when I watched the video, ZombieHorde Feb 2012 #50

Here we go again... TreasonousBastard Feb 2012 #54

Yep. Lizzie Poppet Feb 2012 #57

Ayup. Puglover Feb 2012 #61

+1. nt riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #65

You are right. I have always thought spanking was wrong. But now I see it is just renie408 Feb 2012 #68

This. n/t lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #69

Oh I'm sorry, clearly YOU are the morally superior one here! TheWraith Feb 2012 #82

Maybe, but I'm just one of the few... TreasonousBastard Feb 2012 #85

The guy posted the video on the internet... Hippo_Tron Feb 2012 #105

Agreed, there is no excuse for that treestar Feb 2012 #55

How long will mercuryblues Feb 2012 #60

I am stunned by the support for this guy. LadyHawkAZ Feb 2012 #67

+ 1,000,000,000 n/t chervilant Feb 2012 #210

There's so much overreaction going on Union Scribe Feb 2012 #70

And not one person knows him, his daughter, (if he has one) or... TreasonousBastard Feb 2012 #81

LOL ohheckyeah Feb 2012 #79

Agreed!!! Donate the laptop to charity. Why is that so hard to imagine? Zalatix Feb 2012 #83

Uhm, okay, I'll say it. Donating it would have removed it as permanently and effectively as shooting riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #84

He's sending a message that shooting a laptop is the proper response. Zalatix Feb 2012 #86

My neighbor shoots shit. Dishwashers, microwaves, any electrical appliance that's "dying" riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #87

I'll judge, yes indeed. Zalatix Feb 2012 #93

Again, you don't know any details. Neither do I. Its youtube, designed for drama riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #95

Who cares what's meaningful to teens. We're supposed to act like adults. Zalatix Feb 2012 #97

The definition of "mature example" is also up for debate. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #98

Ignore? Hardly. Zalatix Feb 2012 #99

I'm sorry but that is not up for debate. MattBaggins Feb 2012 #193

I've said in other places that I don't think we have enough info to judge. I've also told my story riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #207

apples and oranges MattBaggins Feb 2012 #209

It wasn't just drug equipment. At all. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #211

We don't have enough info for the families entire situation MattBaggins Feb 2012 #218

"Who cares what's meaningful to teens." PavePusher Feb 2012 #166

Doesn't mean we have to behave like them and go shoot stuff up to "teach them a lesson". Zalatix Feb 2012 #176

Your kids get to "go shoot stuff up"? PavePusher Feb 2012 #183

Hardy har har. Shooting up a laptop is CHILDISH behavior. Zalatix Feb 2012 #192

I think they should turn him in to Child Protective Services. May as well get a record on him.... cbdo2007 Feb 2012 #88

He'll get what's coming to him, in any of the many forms it can happen. 2ndAmForComputers Feb 2012 #90

Forget the gun - he's disrespectful of her privacy Matariki Feb 2012 #91

Until he is no longer responsible for her Kellerfeller Feb 2012 #137

thankyou leftyohiolib Feb 2012 #172

You sure that is how it works? MattBaggins Feb 2012 #194

theyre your kids, teach them what ever you want leftyohiolib Feb 2012 #219

If he had thrown it in the drive way Fla_Democrat Feb 2012 #94

Would you be just as angry if he had spanked her? moriah Feb 2012 #96

I don't think the guy cooled off enough to rationally think about the consequences of his actions Hippo_Tron Feb 2012 #103

Actually, yes. moriah Feb 2012 #127

I agree! and to hack into her account Tumbulu Feb 2012 #100

Anybody remember when Alec Baldwin left that nasty voicemail on his daughter's phone... Hippo_Tron Feb 2012 #101

Is this the meaningless distraction du jour? Nostradammit Feb 2012 #104

Yup. n/t PavePusher Feb 2012 #167

Agreed. One could extropolate this this to our govt's responses to other countries. grahamhgreen Feb 2012 #108

Just another secondvariety Feb 2012 #115

Any parent that gets that upset boston bean Feb 2012 #116

IT IS HER FATHER!! ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #119

Josh Powell WAS A FATHER too ... TBF Feb 2012 #155

Let's take it a step further Suji to Seoul Feb 2012 #121

Blow things out of proportion much? MattBaggins Feb 2012 #195

He bought it. Let him do it. . .in fact, the little twit's mother also said to do it. Suji to Seoul Feb 2012 #200

A child you don't even know MattBaggins Feb 2012 #201

OP goes over the top, too, threatening taking away children for property destruction Land Shark Feb 2012 #125

How nice that he shot her laptop and not, say, her cat. Or her gerbil. Or her dinner meat. aquart Feb 2012 #126

She had her Facebook privacy settings set so only friends could read her page obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #128

What the daughter did is kind of different that a diary. ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #129

No, he didn't hack her FB account - lynne Feb 2012 #215

Is that what this is about? I read this thread after it persisted as a "greatest"... Scuba Feb 2012 #131

Excellent post. K&R nt TBF Feb 2012 #133

Parenting? Really? chervilant Feb 2012 #135

I think theWraith agrees with you. nt TBF Feb 2012 #141

Of course, chervilant Feb 2012 #149

You do know that the OP agrees with you, right? Rex Feb 2012 #145

Yes, I am well aware... chervilant Feb 2012 #157

Ah I C Rex Feb 2012 #230

Well put and badly in need of saying. Thanks - n/t coalition_unwilling Feb 2012 #181

I wholeheartedly agree with you varelse Feb 2012 #147

is there a link or anything? inna Feb 2012 #152

Here you go. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #153

lol, thanks! inna Feb 2012 #156

Please don't waste your time on that "discussion." HuckleB Feb 2012 #189

'No actual children were harmed or threatened in the making of this moral hysteria.' n/t PavePusher Feb 2012 #169

No actual children were actually parented by the making of this attention-seeking youtube video. -nt HuckleB Feb 2012 #186

What about the words, "This is not a toy gun." ? randome Feb 2012 #170

For once, Wraith, you and I are in complete agreement 100%. white_wolf Feb 2012 #171

+1,000,000,000,000 HuckleB Feb 2012 #187

Ditto and yes. nt EFerrari Feb 2012 #191

It occurs to me that maybe the girl's irresponsible, immature, disrespectful behavior rocktivity Feb 2012 #173

Yup. HuckleB Feb 2012 #185

This, exactly. TheWraith Feb 2012 #198

Oh.....blah, blah, blah, fucking blah. A HERETIC I AM Feb 2012 #177

Nope, it doesn't. Here is a visual aid that I should have posted this morning instead of EFerrari Feb 2012 #188

+1,000,000,000,000 HuckleB Feb 2012 #190

Thank you SO MUCH for posting that. redqueen Feb 2012 #216

Do you want to put it up, redqueen? EFerrari Feb 2012 #220

The dufus clearly sought attention for himself. HuckleB Feb 2012 #184

The lazy child was not threatened. former9thward Feb 2012 #206

That was definitely not an action that a calm and rational person would take Progression Feb 2012 #208

Would you feel the same had he thrown the laptop in the river? lynne Feb 2012 #212

When you destroy property in order to control a family member, that is domestic violence. n/t EFerrari Feb 2012 #221

I agree...knr joeybee12 Feb 2012 #213

I agree, it is appalling that people could rationalize his actions. nt redqueen Feb 2012 #214

I agree with you lunatica Feb 2012 #227