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In reply to the discussion: My dad was a drunk, a staggering lush who alienated every person he knew... [View all]H2O Man
(73,528 posts)Powerful OP. Thank you for this.
I hope it's okay for me to add my two cents.
It is good to examine the characteristics of individuals within a system. There are also some potential benefits to stepping back, and looking at the system itself. One example of what I mean has to do with your Dad -- and hundreds like him -- within a system.
Do they cause pain? Of course: it cannot be otherwise, for they are in pain, and thus channel pain. Yet, in a larger sense, which is not visible in a snapshot in time, it is often true that one person must be weak, in order for another (or others) to become strong.
Your Dad did his best to sacrifice himself for your brother's education. He gave up his weakness -- which was his identified pain-release -- for his child. That he did this is what is significant; less so is that he came to believe he "failed" because the larger machine failed him. Or that the bottle then began to consume him.
Likewise, his "weakness" led directly to your strength. Remember that always, my Friend. And always remember the Power of Forgiveness ..... which allows us to learn that in this cycle of our systems, that one person's weaknesses are not to be held in contempt, any more than another person's strengths are to be held in awe. For we are all both weak and strong -- that is the human experience.
Your Dad loved you. He did the best he could, even if it rarely felt that way then, or since. But trust me on this one: he was willing to sacrifice himself, in the larger sense, for you and those he loved.
Peace unto you, my Friend,
H2O Man