General Discussion

Liquorice

(2,066 posts)

172. I'm surprised that so many parents think their

Sun Feb 12, 2012, 06:15 PM

Feb 2012

kids don't have the right to express their feelings. I can't imagine being punished for saying I was angry with my mom, or even for calling her a name to my friends. I think it's controlling, intrusive and tyrannical to spy on your kids and then punish them for saying something negative about you. And sadly, these kids are raised to think this behavior is perfectly normal, and so they will do it to their children, and the unhealthy cycle will continue.

Not allowing kids to even privately vent their feelings teaches them that negative feelings are "wrong." So this type of parent is teaching their kids to suppress and repress their normal feelings. That is a very unhealthy way to live, and will lead to other maladaptive behavior in order to find some way to indirectly express those "bad" feelings.

There's nothing wrong with venting angry feelings about your parents, just so you know. It's normal and natural.

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My 15 year old daughters reaction to "Laptop dad" [View all] Mother Of Four Feb 2012 OP

Where I live (Md.), it is definitely against the law Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #1

Way to ignore everything in the post... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #2

Bottom line as far as the law goes. Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #27

What is that law exactly? JSnuffy Feb 2012 #30

Well if you had bothered to read my first post Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #35

In other words... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #43

No you are not correct. He lives in NC. My neighbor got in huge trouble Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #90

I ask again... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #98

Can you comprehend? Reread my original post. Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #104

That's what I thought... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #115

Every county and even city is different. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #102

This message was self-deleted by its author SaintPete Feb 2012 #37

But he was not living in Maryland he was in NC. Drahthaardogs Feb 2012 #57

What do the laws in your state have to do with anything? nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #69

That would be an interesting twist. Cleita Feb 2012 #127

You don't live on the Eastern Shore, do you? 11 Bravo Feb 2012 #187

No. Montgomery County Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #236

Ah, that explains it LibertyLover Feb 2012 #241

Wow, you seem to be saying the county I live in is Communist Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #242

Just repeating the name for Montgomery LibertyLover Feb 2012 #243

Well Tacoma Park--- I can go with you on that one Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #244

pfffft. NYC_SKP Feb 2012 #194

Well, I guess at least a 5$ permit should be required- snooper2 Feb 2012 #228

Your daughter sounds a lot like the daughter of the "Horrible" father. ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #3

Thanks... Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #5

No,that's the asshole dad's version. Swede Feb 2012 #8

so what version of this do you believe? ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #9

Since the daughter has not spoken yet (she's probably terrified) Swede Feb 2012 #13

did you not go to my link that updated the story? ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #14

She thinks the father put a gun to the daughters head... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #17

I think thats what you think... ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #20

Yeah because in abusive families everyone always speaks the truth. Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #46

I can guarantee you, ronnie624 Feb 2012 #64

yeah, that idiot deserves everything he's getting boston bean Feb 2012 #157

A gun would NEVER play any part in a diciplinary lesson for my child. ronnie624 Feb 2012 #214

What if the lesson was how to clean your gun properly after they'd failed to do so? Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #268

That's one I hadn't thought of. ronnie624 Feb 2012 #269

I read the update. ronnie624 Feb 2012 #61

Oh wow, so this is the Screed against the guy- Kind of sad... snooper2 Feb 2012 #229

That asshole father boston bean Feb 2012 #156

The Homer Simpson approach to parenting. onehandle Feb 2012 #4

No kidding. But two teenagers said what their mother wants to hear EFerrari Feb 2012 #7

Again... GMTA, but you don't need your M to be so G for that one. 2ndAmForComputers Feb 2012 #193

LOL EFerrari Feb 2012 #6

How did I say that I don't think what he did was wrong? Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #10

Is your daughter here? EFerrari Feb 2012 #21

No she's not "here" Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #32

I believe I already have. EFerrari Feb 2012 #39

Ok then... Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #40

I made no incorrect assumptions about your OP. EFerrari Feb 2012 #65

Ok whatever... Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #70

It's filtered because she didn't post it, you did. You also wrote it. EFerrari Feb 2012 #95

That is a very important point, I totally agree with that. Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #106

I cannot believe how people can condone what this jerk did. Swede Feb 2012 #11

do you not care what his own daughter thinks? ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #12

That is the asshole dad's version. Swede Feb 2012 #15

hahahaha ok because im sure YOU know the whole situation then, right ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #18

Her dad just shot her computer 8 times. Swede Feb 2012 #19

well if you watched the video you would know it was 9 times... ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #24

Do you know whether they are or not? EFerrari Feb 2012 #34

no but from what I have read, they seem like a typical family that has problems ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #36

"a typical family that has problems" - TBF Feb 2012 #41

and kids can do a lot of stupid shit sometimes trying to prove they are an adult and know ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #42

I raised three children without ever publicly humiliating them on YouTube Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #48

You got physical with them? Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #72

on the other hand almost every parent I know has at some time "gotten physical" with their children, Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #81

Seems like you are much worse that this gentleman. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #84

do you have children? Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #87

Sure. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #91

Yes, he does. And I am the reincarnation of Mario Lanza. nt EFerrari Feb 2012 #132

And you know this how? Puglover Feb 2012 #262

Which base are you referring to? EFerrari Feb 2012 #267

I haven't. TBF Feb 2012 #164

Good for yoU. Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #186

If it's just a one-time thing I wouldn't say abuse I guess - TBF Feb 2012 #188

Children do not process thoughts the same way as we do - TBF Feb 2012 #50

Did you join DU just to defend this guy? siligut Feb 2012 #170

You are so right that we never really know what is happening in other families. EFerrari Feb 2012 #44

shooting a laptop is violent? ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #47

Yes. Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #49

Of course. EFerrari Feb 2012 #60

Thank you. The issue here isn't that the dad is abusive (which I don't think he is), but that he has Puregonzo1188 Feb 2012 #171

His behavior shows up in every index that professionals give women (ETA) EFerrari Feb 2012 #199

Amen! It is ridiculous to defend what he did with the daughter herself treestar Feb 2012 #183

Double amen! Of course the daughter is going to "condone" it after her dad used his gun to show pacalo Feb 2012 #215

You have no idea what his daughter thinks. nt EFerrari Feb 2012 #23

are you one of the people who thinks this will destory her life and she will ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #25

I'm not one of the people who believe this violent asshole's crap, no. EFerrari Feb 2012 #29

oh ok, thanks for clearing that up. ohnoimscared Feb 2012 #33

lol that is just silly - TBF Feb 2012 #51

Do you mean the girl everyone's been touting as a LadyHawkAZ Feb 2012 #71

Foster care would be a good option for her. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #73

Of course!!! Because LadyHawkAZ Feb 2012 #89

I said in another thread, CPS should be out there. EFerrari Feb 2012 #16

Foster care would be a good option for her. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #74

That's okay. In a year or so, that kid will run off EFerrari Feb 2012 #107

Or not. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #109

I agree with you Swede, the guy is a bully and mom isn't any better. siligut Feb 2012 #31

"she must obey or other privileges will be taken away from her" Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #76

When expectations are unreasonable? Yes. siligut Feb 2012 #92

I didn't get that at all and he explains it pretty well in the video. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #94

Parents can figure out what goes on in the mind of a 15 yr old all by themselves. siligut Feb 2012 #108

Yeah as soon as I saw the belt buckle, the hat, and heard the southern drawl I knew what we were Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #110

Please, do not try that with me siligut Feb 2012 #114

My mother once dumped a bucket of ice water on me while i slept when I skipped chores for Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #144

A bucket of ice water can't kill someone. Plus your chores were important. siligut Feb 2012 #160

Neither can shooting a laptop. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #221

Did you even read the excerpt I posted? siligut Feb 2012 #224

Yes, but I do not believe they are equatable. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #226

No, the laptop had to literally die for this girl to get the message... snooper2 Feb 2012 #230

Well, I'm sitting on a horse ranch out in the sticks. EFerrari Feb 2012 #235

Stuff like this is never cut and dry elias7 Feb 2012 #22

Yes, domestic violence is cut and dried. EFerrari Feb 2012 #28

Domestic violence? Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #77

Yes, DV is hilarious. You know, if you take a poll of ten women who have been abused, EFerrari Feb 2012 #99

Taking away any child's toy is DV. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #103

Um, no, it isn't. Sounds like you're laughing at an idea you know zip about. nt EFerrari Feb 2012 #130

I've seen parents take away and even dispose of toys and then have the gall to blame Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #137

Thank you for the illustration. nt EFerrari Feb 2012 #139

Shooting it is treestar Feb 2012 #184

What about parent destroying their own property? Generic Brad Feb 2012 #143

He repeatedly calls it her laptop, are you sure? EFerrari Feb 2012 #151

It is legally her laptop obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #211

Domestic violence? elias7 Feb 2012 #154

The issue in DV is not who owns the property EFerrari Feb 2012 #155

I see. The issue then is whether this is domestic violence or not. elias7 Feb 2012 #208

I put up a chart in #206 that may be more helpful EFerrari Feb 2012 #209

My ex-husband spent 15 days in jail for DV LadyHawkAZ Feb 2012 #174

This was not an emotional outburst, in my view elias7 Feb 2012 #210

He destroyed her property obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #212

Kids thinking they can do whatever they want in this World, living with parents at age 35, bad snooper2 Feb 2012 #231

Sure. Kids have all kinds of magical ideas about how the world works. EFerrari Feb 2012 #234

I think this girl is going to be just fine.... snooper2 Feb 2012 #237

Well, I'm glad the police went out there EFerrari Feb 2012 #238

a file lol snooper2 Feb 2012 #240

Oh yeah, abusive men, they're a real knee slapper. EFerrari Feb 2012 #247

Once scorned - snooper2 Feb 2012 #248

Guns have a tendency to short circuit their rationality. hack89 Feb 2012 #78

Truer words were never spoken. n/t cherokeeprogressive Feb 2012 #145

A sledgehammer would have been just as unacceptable. pacalo Feb 2012 #216

Responsible parents take it away... originalpckelly Feb 2012 #26

Children are a reflection of the world they live in. originalpckelly Feb 2012 #38

Don't you want to know why he left home at fifteen? The Backlash Cometh Feb 2012 #59

LOL EFerrari Feb 2012 #62

Good point. pacalo Feb 2012 #217

i had my 14 and almost 17 yr old sons watch. thank laptop dad for another lessons for boys seabeyond Feb 2012 #45

Thank you for a thoughtful response... Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #52

there was a video of a 17 yr old girl that gave pictures to a BF. when he became an X he put it out seabeyond Feb 2012 #54

The girls and I have watched some news stories about things similar- Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #56

oh... and we all had a good chuckle reading the list of what the child does. you know.... seabeyond Feb 2012 #55

According to some your kids just don't know what they're talking about. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #79

lol, i know. i didnt want to go in and watch with the initial thread. seabeyond Feb 2012 #119

I'm married to an excellent child therapist. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #141

point. for me that is absolutely the point. as opposed to saying seabeyond Feb 2012 #149

sounds like you would have made a Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #150

it is seabeyond Feb 2012 #152

Funny, I asked a few family members what they though of that video. Ikonoklast Feb 2012 #159

She is the most amazing woman I know. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #222

You are SO LUCKY to have a wife like that Yo_Mama Feb 2012 #266

Wow you are all over this...you should have your attorney or cop or therapist friend contact someone snooper2 Feb 2012 #232

Wait, a child therapist thinks it's a real kick to make a video of yourself shooting Liquorice Feb 2012 #258

Thanks for this reality-based post. JohnnyLib2 Feb 2012 #53

That guy just raised the next runaway kid. The Backlash Cometh Feb 2012 #58

She is too lazy and entitled to run away former9thward Feb 2012 #63

We really don't know that. All we know is what she wrote EFerrari Feb 2012 #66

She won't be finding a new place online though. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #82

Are you kidding? He basically dared her to do it. EFerrari Feb 2012 #96

Or maybe not. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #97

Have you ever had a fifteen year old kid in your house? EFerrari Feb 2012 #116

Yes I have. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #138

LOL EFerrari Feb 2012 #140

Hard to access the internet when you're in your room with no computer and no phone. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #142

Father in video likely and stupidly created a lifetime of daughter's resentment brentspeak Feb 2012 #67

Shame is an excellent motivation tool... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #128

In the short term. In the longer term, it can screw up a kid EFerrari Feb 2012 #131

I see a lot of... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #133

Shaming a child habitually is poisonous. EFerrari Feb 2012 #135

Shaming a child laundry_queen Feb 2012 #166

Correct, there is no "net" positive result from publicly humiliating one's child brentspeak Feb 2012 #162

Well... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #169

No, it isn't similar at all. Teenagers are still learning how to how relationships EFerrari Feb 2012 #177

Whatever helps you sleep at night... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #178

Yes, it produces compliant, completely fucked up human beings. nt EFerrari Feb 2012 #180

Except when it doesn't.... JSnuffy Feb 2012 #181

I don't argue evolution with freepers and this is that same conversation EFerrari Feb 2012 #197

No it isn't -- who taught you that??? obamanut2012 Feb 2012 #213

Great post. woofless Feb 2012 #68

My 17 year old had a similar reaction - her criticism was directed at the daughter. nt hack89 Feb 2012 #75

She is trying to please you and make sure you don't get on her ass. boston bean Feb 2012 #161

One would hope so - it has never been a concern of hers before hack89 Feb 2012 #173

I would not take parenting advice from teenagers. The Midway Rebel Feb 2012 #80

I saw a building imploded recently. Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #83

Kewl. The Midway Rebel Feb 2012 #85

No, but the violence was overwhelming. nt Snake Alchemist Feb 2012 #86

Oh. Sort of like "Gun Dad". The Midway Rebel Feb 2012 #88

One thing ProSense Feb 2012 #93

You are a master of profound statements... cherokeeprogressive Feb 2012 #147

Most 15 year olds are impossible and spoiled, at least in suburban America Jennicut Feb 2012 #100

My 15 year old watched it last night with me. Her reaction was very similar. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #101

Did you point out to your daughter that that video was only one side of the story? EFerrari Feb 2012 #105

Oh its crystal clear since it's only the Dad in the video anyway riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #113

Clear to you or clear to her? EFerrari Feb 2012 #117

Crystal clear to both of us that it was just the Dad's response riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #122

That's still him, though. EFerrari Feb 2012 #124

Yeah, we just don't know exactly from that statement so I can agree. riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #125

Oh god, I remember. My younger son and I just had an armed truce from 15-19 EFerrari Feb 2012 #129

LOL!! I can't believe you said that. I got puppy fever in the worst way when this started riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #134

I swear to God, it's the truth. Maybe my older boy would have had an easier time EFerrari Feb 2012 #136

Misery loves company? Perhaps the incident gave her a distorted sense of comfort in knowing pacalo Feb 2012 #218

Perhaps. I've said we don't have enough info to judge. I've also told my story riderinthestorm Feb 2012 #239

OMG, I was certainly off the mark in my comment to you. I apologize profusely. pacalo Feb 2012 #264

So, if he would have used an AXE Rex Feb 2012 #111

Yes, Rex; using an axe would be just as violent, imo. pacalo Feb 2012 #219

I really think he should have just kept Rex Feb 2012 #260

He shot a laptop. Kingofalldems Feb 2012 #112

AFTER he spent all day and over a $100 fixing it Rex Feb 2012 #118

An IT guy would have taken out Facebook, not the one computer. EFerrari Feb 2012 #126

That was my feeling as well. That he had spent all the time doing something nice for his Puregonzo1188 Feb 2012 #175

I think he was in a 'silent rage' mode Rex Feb 2012 #245

He jumped into the deep end of the pool, didn't he? EFerrari Feb 2012 #246

He did and left his kiddie floaters at home. Rex Feb 2012 #259

but you didn't take a gun to your daughters notebook. boston bean Feb 2012 #120

No I wouldn't. nt Mother Of Four Feb 2012 #121

What YOU did varelse Feb 2012 #123

I'm mystified frazzled Feb 2012 #146

Thank you. EFerrari Feb 2012 #153

"invaded their privacy"? boppers Feb 2012 #167

Yeah, my feelings too was the daughter was a normal teenager. Puregonzo1188 Feb 2012 #176

I recommend a course on non-violent communication. JDPriestly Feb 2012 #148

Can you picture your dad doing that? DocMac Feb 2012 #158

:) TexasPaganDem Feb 2012 #163

Your kids told you what they figured you wanted to hear. LeftyMom Feb 2012 #165

I saw your post after having written post 190 below. 2ndAmForComputers Feb 2012 #192

Teenagers are smart. They can construct a whole persona and world EFerrari Feb 2012 #198

Just watched the video in question. The daughter acted like a 15 year old. So did the father. Puregonzo1188 Feb 2012 #168

I'm surprised that so many parents think their Liquorice Feb 2012 #172

Good show Zalatix Feb 2012 #179

Whatever, as teens would say. That does not make what he did OK treestar Feb 2012 #182

LOL at the responses here. The dad made his point, nobody got hurt and the girl is on her way Gman Feb 2012 #185

The dad can comfort himself in the knowledge that he "made his point"... brentspeak Feb 2012 #189

Or she can be proud that she saw what she was doing wrong Gman Feb 2012 #191

You apparently just don't get it brentspeak Feb 2012 #195

That's almost the least of it, sad as it is. EFerrari Feb 2012 #196

I actually do agree that kids need well defined boundaries. renie408 Feb 2012 #202

I agree it may not be the best way Gman Feb 2012 #225

And that might also play into our 'luck' with our kids. renie408 Feb 2012 #252

You describe exactly how much effort must Gman Feb 2012 #255

Here you go: A handy visual aid for people who don't recognize domestic violence. EFerrari Feb 2012 #206

Don't need it, but thanks anyway Gman Feb 2012 #223

If you think domestic violence is "a great way" for a father to make his point, EFerrari Feb 2012 #279

yeah - that was pretty much my take on the situation. Nice chart. Warren Stupidity Feb 2012 #257

I've found this whole discussion creepy as hell. EFerrari Feb 2012 #271

We often expect petulance from children. Seeing it in an adult is disappointing. LanternWaste Feb 2012 #227

Petulance is a reaction to things you don't have control over Gman Feb 2012 #263

They're telling you what you want to hear. Smart kids. 2ndAmForComputers Feb 2012 #190

Were you TRYING to prove her point when you took her laptop away for two months? renie408 Feb 2012 #200

Worse than shooting the laptop, was the public humiliation. Youtube? Really? K8-EEE Feb 2012 #201

Exactly. He has choreography. EFerrari Feb 2012 #205

Things are so much harder now marlakay Feb 2012 #203

You have to talk about SO much stuff now. renie408 Feb 2012 #204

Good luck! marlakay Feb 2012 #207

OK, maybe I wouldn't shoot it fortyfeetunder Feb 2012 #220

That's a very mature.. sendero Feb 2012 #233

Not abuse, but endangerment Taverner Feb 2012 #249

how did he endanger his daughter? n/t Scout Feb 2012 #250

Possibility of ricochet... Taverner Feb 2012 #251

she wasn't even there..... Scout Feb 2012 #253

Of course it's abuse. Destruction of property to intimidate and control is abuse. n/t EFerrari Feb 2012 #272

I think the word "abuse" is becoming a catch-all for too many things Taverner Feb 2012 #273

You may be right about the term but very specificly, EFerrari Feb 2012 #274

I'll agree with you that it is all about power and control Taverner Feb 2012 #275

Sure, agreed. And having fundy or military parents EFerrari Feb 2012 #276

+10000 Taverner Feb 2012 #277

Omg. EFerrari Feb 2012 #278

I just showed the video to my 18 yr old son all american girl Feb 2012 #254

I've avoided this "subject" as I know my position SomethingFishy Feb 2012 #256

it isn't the girl's fault at all. Terra Alta Feb 2012 #261

I just want to congratulate you on your kids and your family Yo_Mama Feb 2012 #265

Still against the dad who shot his daughters computer brettdale Feb 2012 #270