So, the old man just died this morning. (My biological father)

[Warpy]

5. Sometimes I think lives ill lived are a useful example

because most of their kids look at them and swear they will never, ever be like him in any way. It's only the unfortunate few who follow in his footsteps to become abusive, narcissistic drunks who consistently miss the point and die after they've gotten much older, but never any wiser.

You grew up knowing exactly what you were never going to do or be. You can thank him for that much. You can also thank him for any genes you might have inherited that allowed him to survive so many years of drinking and smoking.

I'm glad you got to say goodbye, it's easier than if you didn't. My own mother hadn't seen her abusive, narcissistic drunk of a father in 20 years when he died and that was tough on her.