The problem I see with our country is that we have lost the capability to delay gratification….

[laundry_queen]

26. I agree (and a personal whine)

My parents are like that. It really floors me. They got lucky a decade back - my mom's company got taken over by a company that has profit sharing and stock options. She went from being an administrative person/office manager making an 'average' salary to an upper management person making 6 figures a year. If it wasn't for that they'd be in the poor house. AT any rate, they have plenty put away, but say it's not enough to 'maintain their lifestyle' when they retire. They buy new cars every couple of years. They are constantly renovating their (paid off) house to make it look expensive and modern (my mom does this every 5 years or so). They go on several vacations a year because they 'deserve it'. Now they are looking for a new house. They own a lake lot/cottage. Both buy expensive 'toys' - for my mom that's new designer clothes and for my dad that's tools. Looking back, when I was growing up, they always bought whatever they wanted. They didn't save much for retirement when I was growing up, they were too busy trying to keep up with everyone, buying new cars, clothes, eating out, etc. Like I said, my mom got lucky. They are pretty well off now.

Anyhow, when I went through a really rough patch (my husband left me with 4 kids, I had been a stay at home mom, no education) they refused to help me out. Initially they promised to help me with tuition so I could go back to school, but then backed out claiming they 'couldn't afford it'. The same year they went on 2 vacations, one cruise, bought a new $50,000 truck and redid the outside of their house to the tune of $30,000 to match the new garage they built for $30,000. My tuition would have been one-fiftheenth of what they spent that year.

Now, I understand my parents don't have any obligation now that I'm an adult to help me out. Yet, as a (possibly old-fashioned) parent myself, I always felt like I would do without to help my kids succeed. If one of my kids had the same situation, and I had the means I'd totally help them. My (soon to be ex) in-laws have helped me out more than my parents have. They ARE old-fashioned (lol in every sense of the word) and they always saved, never bought 'new' things to keep-up-with-the-Jonses, and helped out their kids as much as they possibly could. It USED to be IF the parents could help out - they would. My grandparents were poor. Really poor. Yet, when my dad was out of work, they gave my parents a cow to fill the freezer with, and brought them food (canned, from the garden, whatever) whenever they could. A whole cow, when you're a poor farmer, is a lot. Back then, you did what you could to help out your kids. Back then, parents who refused to help out their kids were looked down on.

Now-a-days I see people not saving for their kids' schooling, but taking vacations, buying the BMW, wearing designer clothes etc. I'm not sure if it's a matter of people being unable to delay gratification so much as I see it being a result of our selfish culture. It's mememe all of the time. "*I* want it, *I* deserve it, *I* worked hard for it" I have a lot of parent friends that say things like, "When I'm happy and I get what I want, then I'm a better parent." Really? Because I dont' see how you getting 10 coach bags but not saving up for your kids' tuition makes you a good parent.

But that's just me.
/personal whine