Snowden celebrates Fourth eating hot dogs at Sheremetyevo. Misses record. [View all]

[longship]

Russia sent a plea to the USA today asking for assistance in dealing with Snowden who is apparently eating so much in the Sheremetyevo transit zone that the Cinnabon and Borscht N Fast franchises can barely keep up.

Meanwhile, Snowden celebrated the Fourth of July today by eating 67 hot dogs in 10 minutes, missing the world record only because the Sheremetyevo hot dog stand ran out. The stand owner said, "he was like magic. They just kept disappearing into his mouth. He's an eating machine."

At last report, Mr. Snowden has gained more than 75 pounds in his short stay there. Apparently, there's no end in sight, except when the food's all gone. What else is there to do in an airport transit zone?

There's a rumor afoot that the situation has been leaked to governments around the globe and might explain Snowden's difficulty finding a host asylum country. An anonymous source from a European country has revealed that they ready, willing, and able to pick him up and give him safe passage, but when word leaked out about his eating habits, the deal was off. The source said, "The USA can have him," before she hung up the connection.