So, how do I teach my child to react if being followed by a stranger at night?

[Igel]

74. Depends.

My kid's 9. I teach him to evaluate. If he's with a group of adults, then he has the luxury of asking, politely, what the guy wants.

Otherwise his goal is to escape. That might mean blending in with a large group of kids. It probably means running. It might mean yelling for help, if people are around. Otherwise, it's a waste of oxygen and he'll need his breath. If home is an option, then he should run home. Otherwise he should run to find a responsible adult. If he's caught, his goal is to escape. Inflict pain; damage is beside the point. He can't incapacitate anybody, but biting and scratching and tripping might work fine. Then run.


When he's older, it's the same. Ask, if it's safe. Otherwise merge with the group for safety.

Otherwise escape. Again, run, yell if there are people nearby. If he has a phone, then 911 and stay on the line--put the phone in his pocket, don't lose it. If he's caught, fight and yell. Again, pain is the goal. If you escape, don't stay for that exra kick--he might grab you. Just run. If you're caught again, again, go for pain.

When he's bigger yet and might be able to fight reasonably, the goal is still self-defense. Don't lose your cool. You want the guy to go away, you don't want to put the guy away.

I don't see why it matters if the guy is a racist or a pedophile or a mugger. Not a topic that should especially interest my kid at the time, his focus should be on his own safety and, next, those around him. I'm not going to say, "Well, Igeling, if it's a pedophile, run, but if it's a mugger, it's not such a big deal." No. Fear is the mind-killer, but idle questions are distractions. Just escape.

That's all cancelled if the guy pulls and aims a gun at relatively close range or gives evidence of being a good shot. They you comply and don't give him a reason to kill you until it's in his plans. At the same time, you look for every opportunity to escape or draw attention to yourself. And it doesn't matter if the guy just happened to snag you as he came out of a bank or is a racist intent on race war.

And in the end he might have to improvise. If the guy follows you and stops 10 feet away and asks, "What's your problem?" then you answer matter of factly. "I'm Igeling. Who are you and why are you asking?" But not in a way to provoke him. He might be psychotic. He might just be out of breath and suspicious.

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There are the general safety rules. The "always rules" that say he may have all the rights in the world, but he's still responsible for his own safety. Think of it as "empowerment."

Respect curfew. Don't be out late at night.

Be transparent. People should know when you're leaving, when you're arriving, where you'll be in between. If it's multiple places, you should give people some idea as to how long in each place.

Be alert. Don't just look out for who might hurt you, look out for your escape route. Know exits, fire alarms, location of phones, and where responsible adults are likely to be.

Be alert 2. Avoid being in danger. Look ahead. No need to be paranoid, but be aware.

Buddy system. Avoid being in strange places, but if you have to be then don't be alone.

Don't be a fool. Don't provoke people. Don't create circumstances to make you into a victim.