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Nay

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14. Oh, not that tough, Manny. If you know the woman and don't act like a leering horndog, a

Fri Jul 19, 2013, 08:59 AM

Jul 2013

compliment is welcome!

Men, if you don't know the woman and are out in a public place, just be aware that compliments are, 99% of the time, attempts to hit on women and are generally not welcome because they are insincere and self-serving, a way to force a conversation. It's pretty easy to see that, no?

As a female, I never compliment strange men in passing. It is none of my business what they look like, how they dress, etc., and I respect the autonomy of other people and don't invade their space unless necessary. However, at work for example, if a fellow I know is wearing an especially nice shirt or tie, I feel free to compliment him on his appearance that day. I also compliment women in the same manner.

I have encountered a couple of men who actually knew how to compliment strangers -- they made the compliment and KEPT ON WALKING, which let the woman know that it wasn't an attempt to hit on her. Few women mind those kinds of compliments either.

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National Tell a Girl She�s Beautiful Day is pure bullshit, and don�t let anyone tell you otherwise. [View all] Pryderi Jul 2013 OP

Beauty is not exclusive to the other traits that she mentioned... Pelican Jul 2013 #1

That's her point, though. LisaLynne Jul 2013 #13

So what? Pelican Jul 2013 #20

Aw, I'm sorry that you have to watch what you say. nt LisaLynne Jul 2013 #29

If this kind of discussion makes you stop and consider whether you are in a situation where Squinch Jul 2013 #36

I'll still work towards a world without all the over sensitive hyper dramatic babies... Pelican Jul 2013 #92

You mean the people who don't feel the need to hear your opinion? Squinch Jul 2013 #96

No I mean the real world where both peers and total strangers... Pelican Jul 2013 #101

One can only imagine... opiate69 Jul 2013 #129

PS: you said you are working toward that world. How are you working toward it? Squinch Jul 2013 #264

eggsactly- this is where his anger comes from, LOL. Imagining that others just do not give a fuck bettyellen Jul 2013 #294

Well said. n/t Mojo Electro Jul 2013 #304

Oh, hahahaha, YOU again. I figured you'd be PPR'd by now. kestrel91316 Jul 2013 #156

Sensitive knightmaar Jul 2013 #35

Because it's the ONLY good thing people say about women. Dash87 Jul 2013 #164

Yup YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #181

Yup. I sometimes tell my wife she's beautiful... Deep13 Jul 2013 #2

I can see her point but I think she is a little overboard. There is only one person southernyankeebelle Jul 2013 #3

If we took all the money spent Le Taz Hot Jul 2013 #4

It's tough to be a guy these days MannyGoldstein Jul 2013 #5

depends on the woman Niceguy1 Jul 2013 #6

Yes, but a perfect stranger minding her own business would rightfully think you were Squinch Jul 2013 #18

Wisdom. Embrace it. n/t Laelth Jul 2013 #7

"a woman you know" vs "random stranger" Warren Stupidity Jul 2013 #8

Oh, not that tough, Manny. If you know the woman and don't act like a leering horndog, a Nay Jul 2013 #14

^^^All of this is true! Men, take notes!^^^ Squinch Jul 2013 #21

I did say that in my first paragraph, Squinch.... Nay Jul 2013 #30

well said. it's a rare person who knows how... allin99 Jul 2013 #102

+1 Matariki Jul 2013 #147

Great post. YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #166

It's simply a matter of treating everyone with equal respect, rather than maintaining a 'separate bu LanternWaste Jul 2013 #19

Exactly. If you wouldn't say it to a random man, don't say it to a random woman. Nay Jul 2013 #33

that's the way i feel, treat me like a person, is that too much to ask?... allin99 Jul 2013 #137

Poor you Cali_Democrat Jul 2013 #52

Yup. Teasing them is best, gets them all goofy. They hate to be grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #58

Yeah, those pooooor nice guys. Boo hoo. Dash87 Jul 2013 #167

Awesome!!! I just happen to be an asshole! grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #260

Whatever you do, don't open a door for someone The Straight Story Jul 2013 #88

! opiate69 Jul 2013 #131

Yeah, women hate that! Dash87 Jul 2013 #169

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! Squinch Jul 2013 #308

This message was self-deleted by its author BainsBane Jul 2013 #195

That door thing is complete BS BainsBane Jul 2013 #217

No it's not BS, no matter how vociferously you try to revise the history. opiate69 Jul 2013 #224

Women did not complain about it BainsBane Jul 2013 #232

The entire point of the thread was to complain about benevolent sexism ffs. opiate69 Jul 2013 #240

Do you have a link to that thread? BainsBane Jul 2013 #245

Le sigh... opiate69 Jul 2013 #247

Le lame BainsBane Jul 2013 #250

None so blind as those who refuse to see. opiate69 Jul 2013 #252

This is a specific discussion about doors BainsBane Jul 2013 #257

Meta Meta Whence Hath Gone My Meta? Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #286

Prezactly opiate69 Jul 2013 #287

Hmm, I seem to remember it being brought up here on DU The Straight Story Jul 2013 #229

None of those threads are about doors BainsBane Jul 2013 #233

The irony BainsBane Jul 2013 #234

Odd, have you ever said to me what your gender was? The Straight Story Jul 2013 #236

Sure BainsBane Jul 2013 #238

Not just me talking about this: The Straight Story Jul 2013 #244

That was exactly what I described BainsBane Jul 2013 #246

Oh, and just for the record, if you will: The Straight Story Jul 2013 #237

Bullshit BainsBane Jul 2013 #239

Were two simple questions: The Straight Story Jul 2013 #243

If unsure, just say she looks "nice" and you're safe. ... allin99 Jul 2013 #99

Why? lumberjack_jeff Jul 2013 #142

I don't think the problem is telling someone they're beautiful Matariki Jul 2013 #145

you must not know her that well if you don't know whether it would be ok JI7 Jul 2013 #235

Ha, you probably have no trouble knowing what is okay to say to men- depending if they are friends bettyellen Jul 2013 #298

If we had "National Tell a Girl She�s Smart Day", the author would be exactly as unhappy. DetlefK Jul 2013 #9

Nope. You're still going to come across as creepy. She's still going to know you're hitting on her. Squinch Jul 2013 #24

And what if I want to compliment a woman I'm not sexually interested in? DetlefK Jul 2013 #80

What If ... ? knightmaar Jul 2013 #108

What makes you think random women would even want your opinion? MadrasT Jul 2013 #121

It's not about making the women feel good knightmaar Jul 2013 #122

that's only half the equation noamnety Jul 2013 #139

What makes you think they wouldn't? opiate69 Jul 2013 #134

I'm not talking about random women. DetlefK Jul 2013 #136

if you really know the woman this shouldn't be an issue JI7 Jul 2013 #259

Would you like to hear those kinds of comments from women? treestar Jul 2013 #263

it's not so hard.... bettyellen Jul 2013 #299

It's creepy to hit on someone you're interested in? penultimate Jul 2013 #154

Welcome to DU. YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #165

I noticed you use the word especially.... penultimate Jul 2013 #191

Re: flirting... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #199

Alright, I'm pretty sure we're on the same page then... penultimate Jul 2013 #207

Oh, you will still come across as creepy. Sheldon Cooper Jul 2013 #25

Not likely knightmaar Jul 2013 #27

Verbally ejaculating ... lol. nt LisaLynne Jul 2013 #32

Right? cyberswede Jul 2013 #68

Thanks knightmaar Jul 2013 #158

The whole idea is effing' stupid treestar Jul 2013 #28

exactly, as if women are little kids or animals who need a pat on the head JI7 Jul 2013 #258

What's happened?? No one is complaining about the g word? HereSince1628 Jul 2013 #10

i think ugly girls are the only ones who would have a problem with this. datasuspect Jul 2013 #11

Not me Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #93

Its a shame physical beauty is what most people see. mstinamotorcity2 Jul 2013 #12

Wow, the comments in this thread .... LisaLynne Jul 2013 #15

+1 Lithos Jul 2013 #66

And why just one Day? Should be year-round. And for men, too! Eleanors38 Jul 2013 #120

Girl? HockeyMom Jul 2013 #16

+10000. nt raccoon Jul 2013 #40

When I clicked on this thread, that's what I thought it meant. Iggo Jul 2013 #103

I have mixed feelings on this, naaman fletcher Jul 2013 #17

I think the suggestion is that you should tell a stranger she's beautiful. Which is a little creepy. Squinch Jul 2013 #22

Yeah, that's creepy. nt naaman fletcher Jul 2013 #26

I compliment strangers pipi_k Jul 2013 #37

If a strange man walks up to me on the subway and tells me I'm beautiful, I know from experience Squinch Jul 2013 #39

OK, well... pipi_k Jul 2013 #72

So glad I have your permission. Squinch Jul 2013 #83

Sigh... pipi_k Jul 2013 #90

No I was sarcastic, not you. Squinch Jul 2013 #91

OK... pipi_k Jul 2013 #105

How about National Don't shave your legs week snooper2 Jul 2013 #23

It's always an issue of sizing up the person and the situation markiv Jul 2013 #31

Wow...sounds like the author pipi_k Jul 2013 #34

If you *only* tell your granddaughters they're beautiful knightmaar Jul 2013 #43

I tell them pipi_k Jul 2013 #56

Well, there you go. knightmaar Jul 2013 #74

But I do worry about it pipi_k Jul 2013 #87

Respect and Fun knightmaar Jul 2013 #130

You greatly overestimate the ability of some guys to tell when it's wanted mythology Jul 2013 #296

I feel that way too. HappyMe Jul 2013 #75

Oh, hey, something I pipi_k Jul 2013 #100

Very well said. HappyMe Jul 2013 #119

Shoes... pipi_k Jul 2013 #152

Yes. Yes of course. That's exactly what the OP was about. You should, under no Squinch Jul 2013 #46

Why not? pipi_k Jul 2013 #61

Did I really HAVE to put the sarcasm tag on that? Squinch Jul 2013 #62

Probably... pipi_k Jul 2013 #73

LOL! Squinch Jul 2013 #77

Oh those poor poor men. Sheldon Cooper Jul 2013 #48

Feel better now? pipi_k Jul 2013 #69

lol Sheldon Cooper Jul 2013 #185

I'm sure pipi_k Jul 2013 #283

Be honest, when was the last time this happened to you? galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #170

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #290

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #289

I think it's more about placing the value of appearance over other traits. cyberswede Jul 2013 #53

Oh yeah... pipi_k Jul 2013 #79

To hell with that. I'm going to tell a few random dudes that they're beautiful instead. Orrex Jul 2013 #38

Yes. And when you see what that gets you, it will kind of prove the OP's point. Squinch Jul 2013 #47

Uh, yeah, I know. That's kind of why I posted. Orrex Jul 2013 #50

. Squinch Jul 2013 #54

LOL! Orrex Jul 2013 #55

What DO you get? I live in Austin. Eleanors38 Jul 2013 #127

I'll observe National "I'll keep my more superficial opinions of other ppl to myself" day instead. stevenleser Jul 2013 #41

Wait, isn't this also "Be an Uptight, Touchy Motherfucker Week"? What are the odds! nt Poll_Blind Jul 2013 #42

+1 Comrade Grumpy Jul 2013 #162

How about a "tell a man he looks like he makes a good income" day? that would be the raccoon Jul 2013 #44

Maybe more like "you look like you'd be alright to breed with". lol. allin99 Jul 2013 #146

^^and this^^ Puzzledtraveller Jul 2013 #155

Women telling me they want to breed with me? LittleBlue Jul 2013 #200

^^this^^ Puzzledtraveller Jul 2013 #153

Only the very fringe of society thinks that complimenting someone's beauty is wrong. AllINeedIsCoffee Jul 2013 #45

Your implied rebuke doesn't take into account that a large segment of society is probably unaware stevenleser Jul 2013 #51

What? cyberswede Jul 2013 #59

Yeah, well, I'll raise that and say: only the very fringe of society thinks that only the Squinch Jul 2013 #60

LOL cyberswede Jul 2013 #65

so damn strange Chaco Dundee Jul 2013 #63

Yeah... cyberswede Jul 2013 #67

where does "ugly" figure into this? YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #218

appearance Chaco Dundee Jul 2013 #249

The key here is that this "Day" is a celebration for men, not women knightmaar Jul 2013 #49

. Squinch Jul 2013 #57

+1 leftstreet Jul 2013 #118

Spot on. Thanks. (n/t) MadrasT Jul 2013 #123

Never compliment a woman on grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #64

THANK YOU! exactly. i love it when i walk down the street and someone says... allin99 Jul 2013 #141

Ill say whatever I want, thanks. galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #70

Ok cyberswede Jul 2013 #76

And what he wants. Didn't you know that? Squinch Jul 2013 #85

pretty much. nt galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #183

Of course you can say whatever you want. knightmaar Jul 2013 #78

Right. This is all about the gals projecting. Because our culture never reduces women's Squinch Jul 2013 #82

Hold up noamnety Jul 2013 #84

solipsism is rampant in your statement. galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #184

hmmm. noamnety Jul 2013 #225

"or risk the hostile reaction" galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #226

Wow, we see things from opposite sides of the mirror! noamnety Jul 2013 #228

i said civil and i stand by it. galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #230

So what you have here is a good looking girl with a bad personality treestar Jul 2013 #262

And I'll say whatever I want in response to your "complement", thanks, thucythucy Jul 2013 #265

i have no idea if you are ugly galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #266

Getting bothered is called projection? Okie dokie, then. Squinch Jul 2013 #267

Oh Gali Gali Gali--I know exactly what you did. thucythucy Jul 2013 #273

Ooooooooh, Girl!!! Squinch Jul 2013 #276

you have no reasonable expectation of privacy when things are held out in public galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #279

Don't even bother with him. smirkymonkey Jul 2013 #305

Please tell me National Creeper Day is from the Onion. noamnety Jul 2013 #71

As if there aren't enough IMPORTANT things in the world going on? Quantess Jul 2013 #81

Important things require knowledge and TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #89

YOU would never participate in a thread like this, would you? Squinch Jul 2013 #94

Never! It's so beneath me... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #97

I know! I just threw in my .02 Quantess Jul 2013 #98

Well, gee- however I answer this is wrong... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #86

I do agree with this that you said: cyberswede Jul 2013 #95

Of course it does, and I think the idea is stupid... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #107

I find it hard to pipi_k Jul 2013 #116

Context matters. If you're in a professional situation marions ghost Jul 2013 #278

I hear ya. Girls get shot for going to school in some countries.Here they worried about being told The Straight Story Jul 2013 #106

here they are worried about other things knightmaar Jul 2013 #126

+1000 smirkymonkey Jul 2013 #306

Yeah. We should all just be thankful for the fact we don't have to wear burkas. And now Squinch Jul 2013 #268

I think you probably feel any behavior from a man is obnoxious The Straight Story Jul 2013 #271

I think you probably feel that any woman who doesn't respond positively to Squinch Jul 2013 #272

Oh I get that some do The Straight Story Jul 2013 #275

I used to wonder about... pipi_k Jul 2013 #110

I dunno either, but I guess... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #115

I learned my lesson on that once Ruby the Liberal Jul 2013 #148

See though... opiate69 Jul 2013 #241

Thank you for saying that Ruby the Liberal Jul 2013 #242

I appear to be the odd girl out Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #104

Sorry, I posted in the wrong place. Quantess Jul 2013 #111

They sure can Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #309

Your post unexpectedly hit me like a punch in chest. bunnies Jul 2013 #112

Thank you. :) nt Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #310

well, i think you are a beautiful person based on your writing. so there. Evoman Jul 2013 #176

Thank you!! Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #311

Anyone who told you that you were ugly LittleBlue Jul 2013 #293

It's true Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #312

Im obviously in the minority here... bunnies Jul 2013 #109

I'm with you... pipi_k Jul 2013 #113

Respectful is key. bunnies Jul 2013 #117

I'm in the minority with you and pipi. HappyMe Jul 2013 #125

How about a "Leave Me the Hell Alone, George Zimmerman" Day? kthxbye. WinkyDink Jul 2013 #114

Excellent idea, though sadly, too late thucythucy Jul 2013 #274

"Even though I know I�m hot, I don�t want to be reduced to that." abelenkpe Jul 2013 #124

Okay. Well I guess that settles that. geckosfeet Jul 2013 #128

it's not about that. it's not sexist to *find*... allin99 Jul 2013 #143

Tell someone they are beautiful. What a nice idea. geckosfeet Jul 2013 #189

Tell a man he's a rat bastard day is today. undeterred Jul 2013 #132

I was about 22 or so, flipping through a magazine Quantess Jul 2013 #133

Post removed Post removed Jul 2013 #135

Congratulations, for totally missing the point. arcane1 Jul 2013 #138

Uh, oh... pipi_k Jul 2013 #151

Why do we need a "tell a girl she's *anything*" day? lumberjack_jeff Jul 2013 #140

I agree with this. cyberswede Jul 2013 #173

Never heard of it till now. My question is... Major Nikon Jul 2013 #277

Only the author of that article can take something good and turn it ugly. Apophis Jul 2013 #144

Not everybody likes comments on their looks. noamnety Jul 2013 #149

I don't understand the urge to tell *total strangers* that they are physically attractive.... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #160

Uh huh. Apophis Jul 2013 #168

Can you conceive of a world noamnety Jul 2013 #171

I guess empathy is too difficult for some people YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #172

+1000 smirkymonkey Jul 2013 #307

Hmm. One could ask the author of the original blog the same thing. opiate69 Jul 2013 #178

The compliments aren't necessarily the problem NuclearDem Jul 2013 #159

Well said. YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #163

Yep, that's one very big part of it. noamnety Jul 2013 #175

I'm so, so sorry for what you went through. NuclearDem Jul 2013 #190

Now here is where pipi_k Jul 2013 #282

lol - nice post, Kreskin cyberswede Jul 2013 #174

Sigh... felix_numinous Jul 2013 #150

"Why do women have to be reduced to just being beautiful?" YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #157

i see WAYYYYY more women marginalize women galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #186

So this is so men can catch up on the marginalizing? Squinch Jul 2013 #270

I'm obviously not reading or watching the right things SheilaT Jul 2013 #161

fuck, its not rocket science. Evoman Jul 2013 #177

I'm guessing women love you, don't they? Squinch Jul 2013 #280

Ha! I do alright. Evoman Jul 2013 #313

National Tell A Woman You Like Her Shoes Day maxsolomon Jul 2013 #179

EXCELLENT subject for the DU outrage de jour. Thanks (nt) Nye Bevan Jul 2013 #180

I don't do that to strangers. MineralMan Jul 2013 #182

They should just call this "creepy perverts dream" day. Initech Jul 2013 #187

I'd never tell anyone I didn't know well marions ghost Jul 2013 #188

I'm with ya on that... penultimate Jul 2013 #193

Talk about a first world problem LittleBlue Jul 2013 #192

They are also not mutually exclusive.... penultimate Jul 2013 #196

Message auto-removed Name removed Jul 2013 #194

I disagree BainsBane Jul 2013 #197

Good point... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #205

Seems like a good time to mention the hairy girl thread burnodo Jul 2013 #198

I like that connection. noamnety Jul 2013 #208

Women should not be defined by how others see them burnodo Jul 2013 #213

People should not be defined by how others see them YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #214

Women especially burnodo Jul 2013 #215

Agreed YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #216

First world problems. Union Scribe Jul 2013 #201

1 in 3 women in this first world BainsBane Jul 2013 #204

Yep, totally the same thing. Union Scribe Jul 2013 #206

You mentioned First World problems BainsBane Jul 2013 #210

By their partners.... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #209

A lot of those men tell those women they aren't beautiful BainsBane Jul 2013 #211

Good point YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #212

especially the MRAsmas BainsBane Jul 2013 #219

MRA types are just pathetic.... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #220

K&r MotherPetrie Jul 2013 #202

So don't celebrate it. bigwillq Jul 2013 #203

I was told there would be cake. HappyMe Jul 2013 #222

No cake, no gifts. bigwillq Jul 2013 #223

I tell my wife that she's beautiful all the time. I don't like to let the day go by bayareamike Jul 2013 #221

DONT DO IT!!! galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #227

Why assume the beauty is of a physical nature, or that that is all there is? DevonRex Jul 2013 #231

We need to never, ever let up in the battle against benevolent sexism. (nt) Nye Bevan Jul 2013 #248

AWESOME! This thread did NOT disappoint. flvegan Jul 2013 #251

Is tomorrow National Tell a Man he�s Handsome Day? B Calm Jul 2013 #253

X-FUCKING-ACT-LY! Can't people start respecting each other again? alp227 Jul 2013 #254

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #288

Yep.. we need us some of that Old Time Religion, by Gawd! opiate69 Jul 2013 #292

Some single women I know complain that men never approach them RedCappedBandit Jul 2013 #255

I regret that I have only one rec to give this post. MH1 Jul 2013 #256

What is it to be feminine? grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #261

Post removed Post removed Jul 2013 #269

What happened in this thread is not "ha ha" funny, but funny Squinch Jul 2013 #281

yeah, it is funny. noamnety Jul 2013 #284

oh wow Squinch. you nailed it. I owe you a verbal cup of coffee, my friend! bettyellen Jul 2013 #295

. Squinch Jul 2013 #300

. bettyellen Jul 2013 #301

Much better! Squinch Jul 2013 #302

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #285

I don't really see how shocking my monkey would help this trainwreck thread though... opiate69 Jul 2013 #297

omg that is so hokey. n/t Mushroom Jul 2013 #291

Is this supposed to be complimentary? What if a girl is not beautiful? Does this mean she is appleannie1 Jul 2013 #303