General Discussion

knightmaar

(748 posts)

108. What If ... ?

Fri Jul 19, 2013, 11:24 AM

Jul 2013

What if you could compliment a woman on her appearance?
You have to know her. You have to know that she doesn't mind. You have to know that you don't come across as creepy or inappropriate.
If, every time you compliment a woman, you get charged with sexual harassment, then you have a problem with the way you compliment women.
It's not their fault.

And even then, so what if you don't get to give a woman your opinion of her appearance?
Think of all the privilege that men have in the workplace, from wages and promotions to just being listened to in meetings. Now think of the trillion dollar effort put in to making women feel insecure about their looks.
Is that really a huge burden on *you* to not creep her out as opposed to the way creepy comments are a burden on *her*?

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National Tell a Girl She�s Beautiful Day is pure bullshit, and don�t let anyone tell you otherwise. [View all] Pryderi Jul 2013 OP

Beauty is not exclusive to the other traits that she mentioned... Pelican Jul 2013 #1

That's her point, though. LisaLynne Jul 2013 #13

So what? Pelican Jul 2013 #20

Aw, I'm sorry that you have to watch what you say. nt LisaLynne Jul 2013 #29

If this kind of discussion makes you stop and consider whether you are in a situation where Squinch Jul 2013 #36

I'll still work towards a world without all the over sensitive hyper dramatic babies... Pelican Jul 2013 #92

You mean the people who don't feel the need to hear your opinion? Squinch Jul 2013 #96

No I mean the real world where both peers and total strangers... Pelican Jul 2013 #101

One can only imagine... opiate69 Jul 2013 #129

PS: you said you are working toward that world. How are you working toward it? Squinch Jul 2013 #264

eggsactly- this is where his anger comes from, LOL. Imagining that others just do not give a fuck bettyellen Jul 2013 #294

Well said. n/t Mojo Electro Jul 2013 #304

Oh, hahahaha, YOU again. I figured you'd be PPR'd by now. kestrel91316 Jul 2013 #156

Sensitive knightmaar Jul 2013 #35

Because it's the ONLY good thing people say about women. Dash87 Jul 2013 #164

Yup YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #181

Yup. I sometimes tell my wife she's beautiful... Deep13 Jul 2013 #2

I can see her point but I think she is a little overboard. There is only one person southernyankeebelle Jul 2013 #3

If we took all the money spent Le Taz Hot Jul 2013 #4

It's tough to be a guy these days MannyGoldstein Jul 2013 #5

depends on the woman Niceguy1 Jul 2013 #6

Yes, but a perfect stranger minding her own business would rightfully think you were Squinch Jul 2013 #18

Wisdom. Embrace it. n/t Laelth Jul 2013 #7

"a woman you know" vs "random stranger" Warren Stupidity Jul 2013 #8

Oh, not that tough, Manny. If you know the woman and don't act like a leering horndog, a Nay Jul 2013 #14

^^^All of this is true! Men, take notes!^^^ Squinch Jul 2013 #21

I did say that in my first paragraph, Squinch.... Nay Jul 2013 #30

well said. it's a rare person who knows how... allin99 Jul 2013 #102

+1 Matariki Jul 2013 #147

Great post. YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #166

It's simply a matter of treating everyone with equal respect, rather than maintaining a 'separate bu LanternWaste Jul 2013 #19

Exactly. If you wouldn't say it to a random man, don't say it to a random woman. Nay Jul 2013 #33

that's the way i feel, treat me like a person, is that too much to ask?... allin99 Jul 2013 #137

Poor you Cali_Democrat Jul 2013 #52

Yup. Teasing them is best, gets them all goofy. They hate to be grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #58

Yeah, those pooooor nice guys. Boo hoo. Dash87 Jul 2013 #167

Awesome!!! I just happen to be an asshole! grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #260

Whatever you do, don't open a door for someone The Straight Story Jul 2013 #88

! opiate69 Jul 2013 #131

Yeah, women hate that! Dash87 Jul 2013 #169

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! Squinch Jul 2013 #308

This message was self-deleted by its author BainsBane Jul 2013 #195

That door thing is complete BS BainsBane Jul 2013 #217

No it's not BS, no matter how vociferously you try to revise the history. opiate69 Jul 2013 #224

Women did not complain about it BainsBane Jul 2013 #232

The entire point of the thread was to complain about benevolent sexism ffs. opiate69 Jul 2013 #240

Do you have a link to that thread? BainsBane Jul 2013 #245

Le sigh... opiate69 Jul 2013 #247

Le lame BainsBane Jul 2013 #250

None so blind as those who refuse to see. opiate69 Jul 2013 #252

This is a specific discussion about doors BainsBane Jul 2013 #257

Meta Meta Whence Hath Gone My Meta? Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #286

Prezactly opiate69 Jul 2013 #287

Hmm, I seem to remember it being brought up here on DU The Straight Story Jul 2013 #229

None of those threads are about doors BainsBane Jul 2013 #233

The irony BainsBane Jul 2013 #234

Odd, have you ever said to me what your gender was? The Straight Story Jul 2013 #236

Sure BainsBane Jul 2013 #238

Not just me talking about this: The Straight Story Jul 2013 #244

That was exactly what I described BainsBane Jul 2013 #246

Oh, and just for the record, if you will: The Straight Story Jul 2013 #237

Bullshit BainsBane Jul 2013 #239

Were two simple questions: The Straight Story Jul 2013 #243

If unsure, just say she looks "nice" and you're safe. ... allin99 Jul 2013 #99

Why? lumberjack_jeff Jul 2013 #142

I don't think the problem is telling someone they're beautiful Matariki Jul 2013 #145

you must not know her that well if you don't know whether it would be ok JI7 Jul 2013 #235

Ha, you probably have no trouble knowing what is okay to say to men- depending if they are friends bettyellen Jul 2013 #298

If we had "National Tell a Girl She�s Smart Day", the author would be exactly as unhappy. DetlefK Jul 2013 #9

Nope. You're still going to come across as creepy. She's still going to know you're hitting on her. Squinch Jul 2013 #24

And what if I want to compliment a woman I'm not sexually interested in? DetlefK Jul 2013 #80

What If ... ? knightmaar Jul 2013 #108

What makes you think random women would even want your opinion? MadrasT Jul 2013 #121

It's not about making the women feel good knightmaar Jul 2013 #122

that's only half the equation noamnety Jul 2013 #139

What makes you think they wouldn't? opiate69 Jul 2013 #134

I'm not talking about random women. DetlefK Jul 2013 #136

if you really know the woman this shouldn't be an issue JI7 Jul 2013 #259

Would you like to hear those kinds of comments from women? treestar Jul 2013 #263

it's not so hard.... bettyellen Jul 2013 #299

It's creepy to hit on someone you're interested in? penultimate Jul 2013 #154

Welcome to DU. YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #165

I noticed you use the word especially.... penultimate Jul 2013 #191

Re: flirting... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #199

Alright, I'm pretty sure we're on the same page then... penultimate Jul 2013 #207

Oh, you will still come across as creepy. Sheldon Cooper Jul 2013 #25

Not likely knightmaar Jul 2013 #27

Verbally ejaculating ... lol. nt LisaLynne Jul 2013 #32

Right? cyberswede Jul 2013 #68

Thanks knightmaar Jul 2013 #158

The whole idea is effing' stupid treestar Jul 2013 #28

exactly, as if women are little kids or animals who need a pat on the head JI7 Jul 2013 #258

What's happened?? No one is complaining about the g word? HereSince1628 Jul 2013 #10

i think ugly girls are the only ones who would have a problem with this. datasuspect Jul 2013 #11

Not me Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #93

Its a shame physical beauty is what most people see. mstinamotorcity2 Jul 2013 #12

Wow, the comments in this thread .... LisaLynne Jul 2013 #15

+1 Lithos Jul 2013 #66

And why just one Day? Should be year-round. And for men, too! Eleanors38 Jul 2013 #120

Girl? HockeyMom Jul 2013 #16

+10000. nt raccoon Jul 2013 #40

When I clicked on this thread, that's what I thought it meant. Iggo Jul 2013 #103

I have mixed feelings on this, naaman fletcher Jul 2013 #17

I think the suggestion is that you should tell a stranger she's beautiful. Which is a little creepy. Squinch Jul 2013 #22

Yeah, that's creepy. nt naaman fletcher Jul 2013 #26

I compliment strangers pipi_k Jul 2013 #37

If a strange man walks up to me on the subway and tells me I'm beautiful, I know from experience Squinch Jul 2013 #39

OK, well... pipi_k Jul 2013 #72

So glad I have your permission. Squinch Jul 2013 #83

Sigh... pipi_k Jul 2013 #90

No I was sarcastic, not you. Squinch Jul 2013 #91

OK... pipi_k Jul 2013 #105

How about National Don't shave your legs week snooper2 Jul 2013 #23

It's always an issue of sizing up the person and the situation markiv Jul 2013 #31

Wow...sounds like the author pipi_k Jul 2013 #34

If you *only* tell your granddaughters they're beautiful knightmaar Jul 2013 #43

I tell them pipi_k Jul 2013 #56

Well, there you go. knightmaar Jul 2013 #74

But I do worry about it pipi_k Jul 2013 #87

Respect and Fun knightmaar Jul 2013 #130

You greatly overestimate the ability of some guys to tell when it's wanted mythology Jul 2013 #296

I feel that way too. HappyMe Jul 2013 #75

Oh, hey, something I pipi_k Jul 2013 #100

Very well said. HappyMe Jul 2013 #119

Shoes... pipi_k Jul 2013 #152

Yes. Yes of course. That's exactly what the OP was about. You should, under no Squinch Jul 2013 #46

Why not? pipi_k Jul 2013 #61

Did I really HAVE to put the sarcasm tag on that? Squinch Jul 2013 #62

Probably... pipi_k Jul 2013 #73

LOL! Squinch Jul 2013 #77

Oh those poor poor men. Sheldon Cooper Jul 2013 #48

Feel better now? pipi_k Jul 2013 #69

lol Sheldon Cooper Jul 2013 #185

I'm sure pipi_k Jul 2013 #283

Be honest, when was the last time this happened to you? galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #170

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #290

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #289

I think it's more about placing the value of appearance over other traits. cyberswede Jul 2013 #53

Oh yeah... pipi_k Jul 2013 #79

To hell with that. I'm going to tell a few random dudes that they're beautiful instead. Orrex Jul 2013 #38

Yes. And when you see what that gets you, it will kind of prove the OP's point. Squinch Jul 2013 #47

Uh, yeah, I know. That's kind of why I posted. Orrex Jul 2013 #50

. Squinch Jul 2013 #54

LOL! Orrex Jul 2013 #55

What DO you get? I live in Austin. Eleanors38 Jul 2013 #127

I'll observe National "I'll keep my more superficial opinions of other ppl to myself" day instead. stevenleser Jul 2013 #41

Wait, isn't this also "Be an Uptight, Touchy Motherfucker Week"? What are the odds! nt Poll_Blind Jul 2013 #42

+1 Comrade Grumpy Jul 2013 #162

How about a "tell a man he looks like he makes a good income" day? that would be the raccoon Jul 2013 #44

Maybe more like "you look like you'd be alright to breed with". lol. allin99 Jul 2013 #146

^^and this^^ Puzzledtraveller Jul 2013 #155

Women telling me they want to breed with me? LittleBlue Jul 2013 #200

^^this^^ Puzzledtraveller Jul 2013 #153

Only the very fringe of society thinks that complimenting someone's beauty is wrong. AllINeedIsCoffee Jul 2013 #45

Your implied rebuke doesn't take into account that a large segment of society is probably unaware stevenleser Jul 2013 #51

What? cyberswede Jul 2013 #59

Yeah, well, I'll raise that and say: only the very fringe of society thinks that only the Squinch Jul 2013 #60

LOL cyberswede Jul 2013 #65

so damn strange Chaco Dundee Jul 2013 #63

Yeah... cyberswede Jul 2013 #67

where does "ugly" figure into this? YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #218

appearance Chaco Dundee Jul 2013 #249

The key here is that this "Day" is a celebration for men, not women knightmaar Jul 2013 #49

. Squinch Jul 2013 #57

+1 leftstreet Jul 2013 #118

Spot on. Thanks. (n/t) MadrasT Jul 2013 #123

Never compliment a woman on grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #64

THANK YOU! exactly. i love it when i walk down the street and someone says... allin99 Jul 2013 #141

Ill say whatever I want, thanks. galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #70

Ok cyberswede Jul 2013 #76

And what he wants. Didn't you know that? Squinch Jul 2013 #85

pretty much. nt galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #183

Of course you can say whatever you want. knightmaar Jul 2013 #78

Right. This is all about the gals projecting. Because our culture never reduces women's Squinch Jul 2013 #82

Hold up noamnety Jul 2013 #84

solipsism is rampant in your statement. galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #184

hmmm. noamnety Jul 2013 #225

"or risk the hostile reaction" galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #226

Wow, we see things from opposite sides of the mirror! noamnety Jul 2013 #228

i said civil and i stand by it. galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #230

So what you have here is a good looking girl with a bad personality treestar Jul 2013 #262

And I'll say whatever I want in response to your "complement", thanks, thucythucy Jul 2013 #265

i have no idea if you are ugly galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #266

Getting bothered is called projection? Okie dokie, then. Squinch Jul 2013 #267

Oh Gali Gali Gali--I know exactly what you did. thucythucy Jul 2013 #273

Ooooooooh, Girl!!! Squinch Jul 2013 #276

you have no reasonable expectation of privacy when things are held out in public galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #279

Don't even bother with him. smirkymonkey Jul 2013 #305

Please tell me National Creeper Day is from the Onion. noamnety Jul 2013 #71

As if there aren't enough IMPORTANT things in the world going on? Quantess Jul 2013 #81

Important things require knowledge and TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #89

YOU would never participate in a thread like this, would you? Squinch Jul 2013 #94

Never! It's so beneath me... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #97

I know! I just threw in my .02 Quantess Jul 2013 #98

Well, gee- however I answer this is wrong... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #86

I do agree with this that you said: cyberswede Jul 2013 #95

Of course it does, and I think the idea is stupid... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #107

I find it hard to pipi_k Jul 2013 #116

Context matters. If you're in a professional situation marions ghost Jul 2013 #278

I hear ya. Girls get shot for going to school in some countries.Here they worried about being told The Straight Story Jul 2013 #106

here they are worried about other things knightmaar Jul 2013 #126

+1000 smirkymonkey Jul 2013 #306

Yeah. We should all just be thankful for the fact we don't have to wear burkas. And now Squinch Jul 2013 #268

I think you probably feel any behavior from a man is obnoxious The Straight Story Jul 2013 #271

I think you probably feel that any woman who doesn't respond positively to Squinch Jul 2013 #272

Oh I get that some do The Straight Story Jul 2013 #275

I used to wonder about... pipi_k Jul 2013 #110

I dunno either, but I guess... TreasonousBastard Jul 2013 #115

I learned my lesson on that once Ruby the Liberal Jul 2013 #148

See though... opiate69 Jul 2013 #241

Thank you for saying that Ruby the Liberal Jul 2013 #242

I appear to be the odd girl out Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #104

Sorry, I posted in the wrong place. Quantess Jul 2013 #111

They sure can Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #309

Your post unexpectedly hit me like a punch in chest. bunnies Jul 2013 #112

Thank you. :) nt Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #310

well, i think you are a beautiful person based on your writing. so there. Evoman Jul 2013 #176

Thank you!! Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #311

Anyone who told you that you were ugly LittleBlue Jul 2013 #293

It's true Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #312

Im obviously in the minority here... bunnies Jul 2013 #109

I'm with you... pipi_k Jul 2013 #113

Respectful is key. bunnies Jul 2013 #117

I'm in the minority with you and pipi. HappyMe Jul 2013 #125

How about a "Leave Me the Hell Alone, George Zimmerman" Day? kthxbye. WinkyDink Jul 2013 #114

Excellent idea, though sadly, too late thucythucy Jul 2013 #274

"Even though I know I�m hot, I don�t want to be reduced to that." abelenkpe Jul 2013 #124

Okay. Well I guess that settles that. geckosfeet Jul 2013 #128

it's not about that. it's not sexist to *find*... allin99 Jul 2013 #143

Tell someone they are beautiful. What a nice idea. geckosfeet Jul 2013 #189

Tell a man he's a rat bastard day is today. undeterred Jul 2013 #132

I was about 22 or so, flipping through a magazine Quantess Jul 2013 #133

Post removed Post removed Jul 2013 #135

Congratulations, for totally missing the point. arcane1 Jul 2013 #138

Uh, oh... pipi_k Jul 2013 #151

Why do we need a "tell a girl she's *anything*" day? lumberjack_jeff Jul 2013 #140

I agree with this. cyberswede Jul 2013 #173

Never heard of it till now. My question is... Major Nikon Jul 2013 #277

Only the author of that article can take something good and turn it ugly. Apophis Jul 2013 #144

Not everybody likes comments on their looks. noamnety Jul 2013 #149

I don't understand the urge to tell *total strangers* that they are physically attractive.... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #160

Uh huh. Apophis Jul 2013 #168

Can you conceive of a world noamnety Jul 2013 #171

I guess empathy is too difficult for some people YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #172

+1000 smirkymonkey Jul 2013 #307

Hmm. One could ask the author of the original blog the same thing. opiate69 Jul 2013 #178

The compliments aren't necessarily the problem NuclearDem Jul 2013 #159

Well said. YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #163

Yep, that's one very big part of it. noamnety Jul 2013 #175

I'm so, so sorry for what you went through. NuclearDem Jul 2013 #190

Now here is where pipi_k Jul 2013 #282

lol - nice post, Kreskin cyberswede Jul 2013 #174

Sigh... felix_numinous Jul 2013 #150

"Why do women have to be reduced to just being beautiful?" YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #157

i see WAYYYYY more women marginalize women galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #186

So this is so men can catch up on the marginalizing? Squinch Jul 2013 #270

I'm obviously not reading or watching the right things SheilaT Jul 2013 #161

fuck, its not rocket science. Evoman Jul 2013 #177

I'm guessing women love you, don't they? Squinch Jul 2013 #280

Ha! I do alright. Evoman Jul 2013 #313

National Tell A Woman You Like Her Shoes Day maxsolomon Jul 2013 #179

EXCELLENT subject for the DU outrage de jour. Thanks (nt) Nye Bevan Jul 2013 #180

I don't do that to strangers. MineralMan Jul 2013 #182

They should just call this "creepy perverts dream" day. Initech Jul 2013 #187

I'd never tell anyone I didn't know well marions ghost Jul 2013 #188

I'm with ya on that... penultimate Jul 2013 #193

Talk about a first world problem LittleBlue Jul 2013 #192

They are also not mutually exclusive.... penultimate Jul 2013 #196

Message auto-removed Name removed Jul 2013 #194

I disagree BainsBane Jul 2013 #197

Good point... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #205

Seems like a good time to mention the hairy girl thread burnodo Jul 2013 #198

I like that connection. noamnety Jul 2013 #208

Women should not be defined by how others see them burnodo Jul 2013 #213

People should not be defined by how others see them YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #214

Women especially burnodo Jul 2013 #215

Agreed YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #216

First world problems. Union Scribe Jul 2013 #201

1 in 3 women in this first world BainsBane Jul 2013 #204

Yep, totally the same thing. Union Scribe Jul 2013 #206

You mentioned First World problems BainsBane Jul 2013 #210

By their partners.... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #209

A lot of those men tell those women they aren't beautiful BainsBane Jul 2013 #211

Good point YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #212

especially the MRAsmas BainsBane Jul 2013 #219

MRA types are just pathetic.... YoungDemCA Jul 2013 #220

K&r MotherPetrie Jul 2013 #202

So don't celebrate it. bigwillq Jul 2013 #203

I was told there would be cake. HappyMe Jul 2013 #222

No cake, no gifts. bigwillq Jul 2013 #223

I tell my wife that she's beautiful all the time. I don't like to let the day go by bayareamike Jul 2013 #221

DONT DO IT!!! galileoreloaded Jul 2013 #227

Why assume the beauty is of a physical nature, or that that is all there is? DevonRex Jul 2013 #231

We need to never, ever let up in the battle against benevolent sexism. (nt) Nye Bevan Jul 2013 #248

AWESOME! This thread did NOT disappoint. flvegan Jul 2013 #251

Is tomorrow National Tell a Man he�s Handsome Day? B Calm Jul 2013 #253

X-FUCKING-ACT-LY! Can't people start respecting each other again? alp227 Jul 2013 #254

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #288

Yep.. we need us some of that Old Time Religion, by Gawd! opiate69 Jul 2013 #292

Some single women I know complain that men never approach them RedCappedBandit Jul 2013 #255

I regret that I have only one rec to give this post. MH1 Jul 2013 #256

What is it to be feminine? grahamhgreen Jul 2013 #261

Post removed Post removed Jul 2013 #269

What happened in this thread is not "ha ha" funny, but funny Squinch Jul 2013 #281

yeah, it is funny. noamnety Jul 2013 #284

oh wow Squinch. you nailed it. I owe you a verbal cup of coffee, my friend! bettyellen Jul 2013 #295

. Squinch Jul 2013 #300

. bettyellen Jul 2013 #301

Much better! Squinch Jul 2013 #302

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jul 2013 #285

I don't really see how shocking my monkey would help this trainwreck thread though... opiate69 Jul 2013 #297

omg that is so hokey. n/t Mushroom Jul 2013 #291

Is this supposed to be complimentary? What if a girl is not beautiful? Does this mean she is appleannie1 Jul 2013 #303