Are You Monogamish?

[Heddi]

25. I hate the term, but my husband and I are "swingers"

sometimes.

I hate the term "Swingers" because, to me, it brings to mind shirtless, hairy-chested 55 year old men with gold chains holding looking for a rub-down in the back room.

We're not techincally "polyamorous" because we're not "dating" other people or in love with another couple.

we just like to fuck other people. That's about the jist of it.

I'm bisexual, and my husband is okay with that, and I"m really okay that he's okay with that.

Everything we do involves the other. There are no "hall passes" where I can go out on my own or he can go on his own. This is OUR thing that WE do TOGETHER.

And we talk about it afterwards, have a little debreifing...what did we like, what didn't we like.

Before we moved out of state, there were a couple of couples that we got together with on a kind of regular basis. Not every weekend. Usually every couple of months. It was very casual.

We've now moved 3000 miles away and haven't sought out new friends yet, but that's okay, because this isn't THE thing we do, it's A thing we do.

That's why I don't like the term "swingers." To me, that's a lifestyle. This isn't our lifestyle. We don't go to clubs or have big gang-bangs. We find people we like, that we connect with,that we have a good time with and can converse with, and if there's a click, there's a click. If not, awesome, we had a great time, let's get drinks again sometime.

Despite having invited other people to our bed, I still consider us to be in a monogamous relationship. To me, monogamy isn't purely about sex, it's about giving a certain part of yourself to one person only. I'm not looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, he's not looking for a girlfriend. We're just looking to have a good time. There is a line that we will not cross, and I can't explain it, but it's the emotional bond we have with each other. That, to me, is monogamy. The secrets that I share with only him. The conversations we have because we're best friends and lovers. That doesn't go beyond us. That's monogamy, to me.