General Discussion

toby jo

(1,269 posts)

214. Wow. Ouch. Ouch.

Sat Jul 27, 2013, 11:21 AM

Jul 2013

And you survived this? With your heart intact? My respect, Don.

When I bump into people who give me some kind of gay marriage is wrong, bible & all, I always ask them 'What do your gay friends think of that?' The look on their face is priceless. Then I follow up with how 'My gay friends are the most compassionate and worthy people I know.' Because they are. (Well, the atheist is closest to my heart, but...)

Tough crowd. I'm hoping that if only 1 of them had let up on the picture - taking, a whole group of them would have let out a collective sigh of relief at being able to stop the hatred. Probably it will take a few of the older ones dieing off, first.

Your husband's a lucky man. You 2 planted something good. That affects us all, thank-you for that.

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It Was Like One Slap In My Face After Another... Gay Husbands Go To Red America. [View all] DonRedwood Jul 2013 OP

your a lot nicer than i would have been rdking647 Jul 2013 #1

Ah, but that just causes more pain for the only one I cared about.... DonRedwood Jul 2013 #4

he should have also told his family off rdking647 Jul 2013 #6

we went the "kill them with kindness" route instead DonRedwood Jul 2013 #19

Which appears to not have worked at all. dbackjon Jul 2013 #89

you don't know that. barbtries Jul 2013 #154

Yes it did. He showed dignity and grace while they showed ignorance and insensitivity. Squinch Jul 2013 #185

I am on your side on this one! :0) DonRedwood Jul 2013 #196

I don't know. Some of them seemed ashamed by it all. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #197

You're a beautiful person. Sarah Ibarruri Jul 2013 #204

That's exactly it, I think. Planting seeds. SO OFTEN I find that I long for a legitimately quick fix calimary Jul 2013 #221

I'm a fan of this approach. Voice for Peace Jul 2013 #124

How would that bring family closer together? Fearless Jul 2013 #71

Toxic families chervilant Jul 2013 #76

It was a first step for them... inviting me in the first place. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #90

Consider this - avebury Jul 2013 #135

Even if they don't change much, chervilant Jul 2013 #142

I think you are very, very wise. And patient. renate Jul 2013 #180

Sometimes it's important Fearless Jul 2013 #91

always important DonRedwood Jul 2013 #93

It gets easier Fearless Jul 2013 #95

No. A better way would have simply been to for Don and husband to simply 1monster Jul 2013 #132

Me too! Sarah Ibarruri Jul 2013 #203

I'm so sorry. TDale313 Jul 2013 #2

I believe we are stronger for it. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #24

imo you can photoshop a nice pic of yourself onto the family shot elehhhhna Jul 2013 #3

I love you. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #5

xox elehhhhna Jul 2013 #7

It is something I am quite good at myself. I'm the west coast off-spring of DonRedwood Jul 2013 #13

This message was self-deleted by its author prole_for_peace Jul 2013 #111

LOL! Is that what it is? pnwmom Jul 2013 #39

I'd rather be told the truth DonRedwood Jul 2013 #44

Sometimes I'll read that urban people in the Northwest or the Northeast pnwmom Jul 2013 #60

I think it is hard to make friends as an adult no matter where and no matter what DonRedwood Jul 2013 #66

I think with your general positive attitude and patience with people pnwmom Jul 2013 #68

My job is to get extremely angry people to calm down.... I do that every day DonRedwood Jul 2013 #96

Bless her heart, she could have married so much better, being so pretty, and all. tavalon Jul 2013 #78

LOL... I like this one: DonRedwood Jul 2013 #99

Sadly, this well worn craft comes out of female subjecation in the south tavalon Jul 2013 #117

I once had a Southern Belle from S. Carolina say to me: DonRedwood Jul 2013 #122

And never break a sweat, sadly. tavalon Jul 2013 #209

Yikes! n/t pnwmom Jul 2013 #127

Yup you can say anything you want about anyone prole_for_peace Jul 2013 #112

Better yet take your own Ravens.Ransom Jul 2013 #64

Hello Ravens! Welcome to DU, we are glad to have you here! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #100

Thanks for the welcome! Ravens.Ransom Jul 2013 #153

OMG LOL KentuckyWoman Jul 2013 #34

Welcome to DU Kentucky! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #41

Oh, that is a DELICIOUS idea!! emmadoggy Jul 2013 #162

But RavensRansom's idea is good too: for his Christmas card, send to his husband's family Squinch Jul 2013 #186

I missed that - I didn't get emmadoggy Jul 2013 #210

My family is lucky... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #8

Maybe I'll be in the next one :0) DonRedwood Jul 2013 #16

Will do... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #18

And that is why we are out and proud... DonRedwood Jul 2013 #25

You are a brave, courageous, and loving person csziggy Jul 2013 #9

The love makes you strong, that's all. If it was just me or my own family? DonRedwood Jul 2013 #26

Yet if you'd pointedly asked them about any of this stuff, Warpy Jul 2013 #10

that would rile them up! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #38

Oh, a little poshumous revenge can be sweet, indeed Warpy Jul 2013 #51

Yes, they always pretend they don't know what you're upset about. LuvNewcastle Jul 2013 #82

I'm sorry you and your husband were hurt... nessa Jul 2013 #11

Welcome to DU! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #45

I've been there. MinneapolisMatt Jul 2013 #12

Thanks Matt. I know the story is not new. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #14

You are an excellent writer. Number23 Jul 2013 #15

Very kind, thank you DonRedwood Jul 2013 #17

Sorry you two had to go through that. Arctic Dave Jul 2013 #20

I know! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #46

I agree... Unca Jim Jul 2013 #156

"confused about who is who"... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #215

. libodem Jul 2013 #21

I really appreciate this post. I am sorry they were shitty to you and your husband arely staircase Jul 2013 #22

Thanks arely DonRedwood Jul 2013 #50

demonstrating love in the face of ignorance is good. No one can say you were 'one of them' roguevalley Jul 2013 #23

We feel like we did just that. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #57

How very cruel and thoughtless emsimon33 Jul 2013 #27

I'm not gay. My wife is not American. She is a Chinese national. We are heading home soon Nanjing to Seoul Jul 2013 #28

Take a deep breath DonRedwood Jul 2013 #35

"We fly out of this hell hole in 12 hours" was my mantra. "Stop hurting my husband" lunasun Jul 2013 #29

Oh no, I bought thank you cards today DonRedwood Jul 2013 #33

And fantastically well I might add! Fearless Jul 2013 #72

I agree that the way you handled this was super good! juajen Jul 2013 #87

Thank you. I felt it for the best as well though it hurt. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #101

K&R Jamastiene Jul 2013 #30

. KentuckyWoman Jul 2013 #31

I'm in an interracial marriage and my father refused to accept my husband for the first two years... Moonwalk Jul 2013 #32

I am glad to hear that things got better for you DonRedwood Jul 2013 #47

Sorry to post on this thread again... Unca Jim Jul 2013 #157

My mother in law didn't care for me, either... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #216

Same thing for us. Rozlee Jul 2013 #205

My wife, bless her heart, comes from a family that, from the beginning, WCGreen Jul 2013 #36

Assholes are better than two faces in many aspects DonRedwood Jul 2013 #52

Thanks, DonRedwood. Have you ever thought about writing for other venues? pnwmom Jul 2013 #37

I've wondered if I should look for some sort of outlet for this type of essay style writing DonRedwood Jul 2013 #48

The family you discribe is my family dusty trails Jul 2013 #40

Hey dusty, a big welcome to DU! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #49

I am an atheist... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #217

You're a class act, Don! Firebrand Gary Jul 2013 #42

Shhhhhhh...you'll ruin my reputation! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #67

Your a better man than me, I would not have done that. William769 Jul 2013 #43

You've met them all, you say? You have their addresses? MADem Jul 2013 #53

YOU, MADem, ARE TRULY EVIL DonRedwood Jul 2013 #54

The sweaters would rock the pic! BIG SMILES, too! MADem Jul 2013 #55

and we can hyphenate our names! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #56

You really should! MADem Jul 2013 #59

Ah, yes, we must have preprinted name labels. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #61

Great minds...! MADem Jul 2013 #62

The "He-Man Slime Pit" was also a fine gift. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #63

And you call me EVIL? I bow at the feet of the master!!!! MADem Jul 2013 #65

That was a good Christmas DonRedwood Jul 2013 #69

You two are cracking me up... 2theleft Jul 2013 #173

You torture by toys too?? DonRedwood Jul 2013 #198

I envy your stoicism LittleBlue Jul 2013 #58

Thank you for the kind words DonRedwood Jul 2013 #70

I heard a good saying the other day... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #220

Sorry GlashFordan Jul 2013 #73

I got along great with the kids. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #102

You are absolutely correct in your approach Fearless Jul 2013 #74

Well said. -nt Bonx Jul 2013 #121

I'm so sorry, awful to be excluded from a family Raine Jul 2013 #75

this is so beautifully expressed, Don. I'd say I'm sorry, but you don't need that cali Jul 2013 #77

Thanks Cali DonRedwood Jul 2013 #105

I would be proud to have both of you in my family. idwiyo Jul 2013 #79

We can be DU family. GOd knows I turn to DU when I'm upset by society...that's gotta count for some DonRedwood Jul 2013 #123

To me 'family' has nothing to do with people I just happened to share some DNA with. idwiyo Jul 2013 #149

No matter what they do, Don HillWilliam Jul 2013 #80

Ah, Hill, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #106

my condolences to you HillWilliam shireen Jul 2013 #114

And a hug for Shireen for showing us DU's got a big heart. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #126

I'm sorry for your loss Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #141

Thank you both very much HillWilliam Jul 2013 #146

Fuck them all. 6000eliot Jul 2013 #81

That's the thing though! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #107

You did the right thing. There may be no hope for those of your generation and older, rhett o rick Jul 2013 #152

The kids are getting there on their own. 6000eliot Jul 2013 #175

Reading stories like this makes me appreciate my family of misfits lumberjack_jeff Jul 2013 #83

Yes, I wish someone had done that for my partner. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #108

Is not right! mecherosegarden Jul 2013 #84

Wow, you're stronger than I could be LittleGirl Jul 2013 #85

This hurts my heart Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #86

Hugs to you tree hugger DonRedwood Jul 2013 #110

I got angry reading that dbackjon Jul 2013 #88

there isn't anything worth gaining from those people to swallow that much shit datasuspect Jul 2013 #98

please read post #116 below :0) DonRedwood Jul 2013 #118

I am so sorry that you two are facing this! People are so damn stupid! hedgehog Jul 2013 #92

Whenever we're with my husband's family, we keep thinking "how much longer in this hellhole?" mountain grammy Jul 2013 #94

i had crazy psychotic drunk workingmen who fought in WW2 and vietnam datasuspect Jul 2013 #97

I have a feeling you are the person I'd want to talk to at the party DonRedwood Jul 2013 #136

You must have felt horrid. Boudica the Lyoness Jul 2013 #103

I'm very sorry to hear of your experience. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #113

ouch. renate Jul 2013 #181

Poignant, well-written. I'm glad I read it and I thank you. nt Bernardo de La Paz Jul 2013 #104

Nauseating. Infuriating. I cannot believe how gracefully you handled that. Butterbean Jul 2013 #109

Butterbean, no! Please don't get so mad, I would not want to be the cause of such anger DonRedwood Jul 2013 #116

Sigh. It's hard not to, and you and your dh are very strong people. Butterbean Jul 2013 #139

Abusive boyfriend? Fifth marriage? bobclark86 Jul 2013 #115

K&R!! cliffordu Jul 2013 #119

my hat's off to you... Momgonepostal Jul 2013 #120

I honestly don't know. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #134

Don, I think you and your partner did the right thing... kjackson227 Jul 2013 #125

Your OP brought tears to my eyes. Solidly hetero man here, but one who HardTimes99 Jul 2013 #128

You softee straight guys are my heroes. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #130

Well played, beautifully written. mia Jul 2013 #129

Don! That was a horrible experience! BUT, Auntie Bush Jul 2013 #131

At one point he decided to talk to his mother and I stopped him DonRedwood Jul 2013 #144

You found some typical red state monsters...they don't deserve a relationship with you Auntie Bush Jul 2013 #148

Some good suggestions on the thread treestar Jul 2013 #133

My partner and I did the same a few years ago FreeState Jul 2013 #137

:0) Now that was a story I needed to read! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #145

Families that dissapprove do that on purpose Aerows Jul 2013 #138

Great sentiment in a very well written story. grantcart Jul 2013 #140

I assume they are Christians, because you indicate closeupready Jul 2013 #143

You are a saint. And so is your husband. That family doesn't matthews Jul 2013 #147

I'm sorry it was so painful, a tiny little story from me today bluemarkers Jul 2013 #150

i love that! nice that he was being out. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #166

Don,you are fortunate indeed to have a love in your life Rain Mcloud Jul 2013 #151

you are most definitely a lot nicer, and far more patient, than I would have been. kudos to you niyad Jul 2013 #155

that is our new favorite saying! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #167

Your patience and tolerance are amazing. Tiredofthesame Jul 2013 #158

welcome to DU! renate Jul 2013 #182

I don't know how you did it I admire your ability to keep it together Arcanetrance Jul 2013 #159

Bravo! everyone needs a hero! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #168

"I've shown you the truth and now you must evaluate your lies." Beartracks Jul 2013 #160

Amazing OP, amazing thread Fumesucker Jul 2013 #161

cheers fumesucker DonRedwood Jul 2013 #169

I am so sorry. emmadoggy Jul 2013 #163

I love your attitude, Don. pacalo Jul 2013 #164

I've wept over some of the kind words from you all in response... DonRedwood Jul 2013 #170

A magic marker savebigbird Jul 2013 #165

First, thank you for sharing this. marym625 Jul 2013 #171

I mean no disrespect marym625 Jul 2013 #178

Welcome to DU, and don't worry! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #188

Congrats on making it through mythology Jul 2013 #172

Don, I love your posts... 2theleft Jul 2013 #174

Sweet Talker! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #189

That's awful, but you know what? Marr Jul 2013 #176

An inspiring story. Oakenshield Jul 2013 #177

v blkmusclmachine Jul 2013 #179

the family tree thing reminded me of Harry Potter and the family tree of Sirius Black dembotoz Jul 2013 #183

You did good. The 'family' is probably not aware of how their actions hurt sinkingfeeling Jul 2013 #184

stab in the back? RicROC Jul 2013 #187

Hello and welcome to DU! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #191

Wonderful. WilliamPitt Jul 2013 #190

I love this post rosesaylavee Jul 2013 #192

I wish you both were in my family. I'd show 'em how you are supposed to be treated... cynatnite Jul 2013 #193

Wow. HappyMe Jul 2013 #194

You are a good man... RetroLounge Jul 2013 #195

I am sorry you had to write this... Orsino Jul 2013 #199

OMG I do not even know you and I love you. oldandhappy Jul 2013 #200

I love you both. SalmonChantedEvening Jul 2013 #201

Much love to you and your husband. A beautiful response to a hurtful time....... PDJane Jul 2013 #202

.. ismnotwasm Jul 2013 #206

Best wishes to you and your spouse... Moostache Jul 2013 #207

Your story broke my heart AC_Mem Jul 2013 #208

you made me tear up. You and your husband are stronger than my husband and I are. We don't put up liberal_at_heart Jul 2013 #211

k&r Liberal_in_LA Jul 2013 #212

Was Aunt Sally at the reunion? Conium Jul 2013 #213

Wow. Ouch. Ouch. toby jo Jul 2013 #214

Message auto-removed Name removed Jul 2013 #218

Welcome to DU! Cooley Hurd Jul 2013 #219

wow. just wow blondie58 Jul 2013 #222

woa. just wow blondie58 Jul 2013 #223