General Discussion

Sarah Ibarruri

(21,043 posts)

43. Have you found that everyone you've opened up to has used that information against you?

Thu Mar 1, 2012, 07:24 PM

Mar 2012

Or is it that you feel a terrible sense of unease after you've opened up?

I like opening up, but not about every single thing. I don't like people knowing ways in which I've failed, though I know it's going to come out anyway, and people will know.

I guess that happens living in life. Living in society and with family and such, we're all exposed and "out there," with our opinions (political, for example, like on DU), by the way we look, dress, whom we hang out with, what we say, etc. Every moment we run the risk of being criticized. I feel I get criticized a lot, and fear rejection when that happens. Sure, it'd be nice if everyone agreed with me and found me simply amazingly perfect and right always, but it sure isn't going to happen. Oh well!

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An article about why men don't open up (written by a man), critiqued by another man [View all] Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 OP

Men love to talk, I know I do... MicaelS Mar 2012 #1

Men are like The English - they more readily talk about the weather than anything else. :) nt Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #7

One person's "tendencies" is another person's "stereotype" lumberjack_jeff Mar 2012 #2

Interesting, thanks. With regard to issues within a relationship... Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #8

What she sees as issues, I don't see. lumberjack_jeff Mar 2012 #10

That might be where there's an analytical difference between men and women? Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #16

Given what I just told you about my communications approach... lumberjack_jeff Mar 2012 #26

Okay, so you won't be a counselor any time soon lol Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #45

She feels ignored, so then it becomes an issue, whether Fawke Em Mar 2012 #21

This particular "difference" is clear treestar Mar 2012 #3

Yes, I know what you mean. My 1st husband was very talkative. It was a relief to me, in a way Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #9

I came from a violent household... Javaman Mar 2012 #4

I know. Growing up in an environment of violence is a constant battle Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #11

I don't think this is a gender trait. JDPriestly Mar 2012 #5

I agree. HappyMe Mar 2012 #6

Oh yes, doing the same thing at home that one does at work, is exhausting. Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #14

I definitely need down time when I get home from work. The way I got my downtime when Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #13

Introverts get shit on by extroverts all the tiime AngryAmish Mar 2012 #17

Most extroverts talk a hell of a lot while actually saying very little of substance.. Fumesucker Mar 2012 #52

Seems like somebody is a little high on himself. Saving Hawaii Mar 2012 #58

How would extroverts know? Fumesucker Mar 2012 #66

true for some Bohunk68 Mar 2012 #67

Jeff comprehends that *all* men DON'T conform to a single set of attributes Matariki Mar 2012 #12

I agree with you there. nt Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #15

That pretty much sums it up. Jamastiene Mar 2012 #60

Glad to see someone challenging this. MadrasT Mar 2012 #18

Sounds like you two have a very good relationship! nt Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #19

Jeff comes across as a mean-spirited, dishonest and judgemental jerk in his 2nd paragraph. Zalatix Mar 2012 #20

Jeff or Dave? nt Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #22

Jeff put words into Dave's comments that Dave never said or implied. That much is undeniable. Zalatix Mar 2012 #23

Oh ok. I imagined Jeff did that for effect. He meant to say... Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #24

Yeah, Jeff is being a douche. JVS Mar 2012 #38

Men don't open up their inner feelings because then they can be used as a weapon.. Fumesucker Mar 2012 #25

That's unfortunate you've had that experience Matariki Mar 2012 #27

Yes, it was all my fault.. Fumesucker Mar 2012 #28

Well if have to chose between "all woman are bad" Matariki Mar 2012 #31

First, how do you know it was just "partners"? Fumesucker Mar 2012 #34

I have a question Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #46

I think "a different partner might have reacted differently toward you" is not cruel. Withywindle Mar 2012 #57

I think you misread my words or I didn't communicate them well. Matariki Mar 2012 #59

I think there's a nasty strain in our culture Withywindle Mar 2012 #62

I agree with you about "blaming the victim" Matariki Mar 2012 #69

It's quite a common experience. Zalatix Mar 2012 #30

I have had the exact same problem with friends. Quantess Mar 2012 #29

I have no idea who's 'fault' it is Matariki Mar 2012 #33

Excuse me, but I don't remember asking you. Quantess Mar 2012 #35

I was responding to your post Matariki Mar 2012 #39

Thanks for proving my point! Quantess Mar 2012 #63

Maybe not "lying in wait" but if you put it out there at some point they'll use it.. Fumesucker Mar 2012 #36

Who is "they"? Matariki Mar 2012 #40

So now you're a mind reader too.. Fumesucker Mar 2012 #41

Where did he ever say that? He didn't specify "all women" or even "most women". Quantess Mar 2012 #65

Don't feel bad. Remember that it is unreasonable to expect everyone on the planet to agree with you Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #48

I'm not upset.. Fumesucker Mar 2012 #50

Sure, but that's life. Life has never been different. If we refuse to participate Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #54

Ever thoroughly mash a fingernail where it's a throbbing mass of pain? Fumesucker Mar 2012 #55

Okay, I think I understand what you mean. nt Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #56

I'm not upset, either! I wish people would listen instead of dismissing others' feeliings. Quantess Mar 2012 #64

I had plenty of arguments with women about politics, and these didn't turn out well Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #47

Yup, it's best to keep quiet. JVS Mar 2012 #37

It is? I don't know about that. You're not participating in life if you don't get out there and Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #49

Living is not dependent on how much others like you. JVS Mar 2012 #51

Exactly, which is why one shouldn't spend life holding back - Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #53

Have you found that everyone you've opened up to has used that information against you? Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #43

So men don't talk, and thus women don't know what they are thinking? FarCenter Mar 2012 #32

Bonding feels good. :) nt Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #44

. snagglepuss Mar 2012 #42

I'm a woman, and I'm someone who decompresses best by quiet "me time." Withywindle Mar 2012 #61

I understand. When I'm in the U.S., I find I generally decompress by hiding and having "me" time. Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2012 #68