Borowitz Report: Boehner Advises Americans to Delay Getting Cancer for a Year [View all]

[Purveyor]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a special Sunday radio address, House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) delivered a health tip to the American people, advising them to delay getting cancer for a year.

“We’re involved in a high-stakes fight over our freedom from centralized government control of our lives,” said Mr. Boehner, speaking on behalf of his House colleagues. “You can do your part by delaying getting cancer.”

He added that heart disease, emphysema, and diabetes were among a laundry list of conditions that would be “patriotic to avoid for a year.”

“If you delay getting any of these things for the next twelve months, together we will win this fight,” he said.

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http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/09/boehner-advises-americans-to-delay-getting-cancer-for-a-year.html