"DEFEND ARE VETERAN'S"

[IrishAyes]

138. My long-lost twin, are you?

Mom had been an English teacher; as her conniving offspring, I quickly learned the way to her heart and could avoid all sorts of odious tasks if she saw me happily engaged in diagramming sentences. Now that I'm older, I'm no longer sure who won that game.

While we're at it, here's one game I know she won. When we went for long walks, she'd pretend to be a little bit lost when it was time to turn homeward. So I had to lead her, and boy did I strut. Not only did it make me feel invincible, but I wound up with the skills of a homing pigeon.

My son tried the same junk on me. I always read to him, and to ensure that it continued, he pretended not to be able to read himself. However, the mask slipped when we walked past a sign at a real estate office that showed their properties. He scoffed, "Man, $25K is way too much for a 1bd-1bath place." I gave him a gotcha! look and he never pulled that 'can't read' schtick on me again. He was 4. After that, he was required to read to me. I'd been pretty sure of the truth for awhile. And did he ever have a deer caught in the headlights look on his poor little face!

One of the cruelties visited on him by his own coldhearted Mom: when I bought him a new book, we'd look through it together before I read anything and he had to describe and assess the pictures on his own. I'd ask all sorts of questions about what might've happened before the action depicted, and I wouldn't turn the page before he guessed what might happen next in the story.

I like to think my son became a good cross between Studs Terkel and Eric Hoffer. But you know how parents can be about their kids.